Sex in my 40s | Guys Masturbate

I get asked this quite a bit, and to be honest with you, I’m always a little reluctant to answer. Not because I don’t want to, but more because I’m not confident in how the answer would really resonate with you guys.

Do I think about guys masturbating to my photos and videos?

It’s a complicated answer that may or may not make me seem like a bit of a hypocrite.

I used to – quite often, actually. In the early days of this whole amateur porn gig, my sexuality and libido as a younger woman was still evolving. It still is today, but just in a different way.

In my late 20s and through my 30s, I wasn’t as sexually confident as I tried to fool myself into thinking I was. I had an internal desire to be validated as “sexy”, to come across as more of a vixen than my courage really was. Together with my husband, I explored all kinds of delightfully adventurous sexual experiences – swinging, coming out as bisexual, voyeurism, exhibitionism. There were a lot of new things to discover, and with heart racing, I often jumped in with both feet, both boobs and damn the common sense until tomorrow’s morning.

We had a lot of fun. We still do – just in somewhat tamer way now that we’re a bit older, a bit more doughy around the middle, and a bit more removed from the visual “ideal” of what is accepted in certain lifestyle scenes (cliques, to be perfectly honest – but that’s a much different blog).

OK, so what does all that have to do with me thinking about guys masturbating to my content? Well, because a lot of things – photos, videos, social media posts, etc. – were fueled by that whole idea. In being honest with myself, I was actually trying to get guys to do that. It was a challenge, a bit competitive and more conscious than not.

It was validation of me being a woman who could be desired. There was a very small part of me that also used the idea as sexual weapon in my own relationship. Not as cruel as this, but in a way, saying to my husband: “There are guys out there right now who are fantasizing about doing some very naughty things with me…now, are you going to turn the TV off, or do I…” And, in turn, I know he would agree and say something very similar: “You know there are guys out there stroking their hard cocks to you right now…”

It was part of our sexual game as a married couple. Incredible mind-fucks. It was … our kink.

Today, it is different. I’ve settled more peacefully into my sexuality and answered questions I needed to in my own mind. My life has gone further down the path intended for me, and if I spend too much time reflecting on certain things, my brain clicks over to more rational thinking. In a way, my thoughts go more to the consequences of my actions rather than the excitement of the discovery – if that makes sense. And it’s not just in the sexual context either – it’s the same within my offline life.

At the same time, unlike those earlier days, I have also matured to the point where – in a way – I accept more freely that men (and women) masturbate. It’s normal; it’s healthy. And they do so for a variety reasons, and use a variety of visual encouragements. As naïve as it may sound, now in my mid-40s, I actually hope more people have found a way to bring pleasure to themselves – rather than “needing” something to get them there.

I don’t view what I do anymore as a “competitive” way to get guys off – but rather as something that may “help” when they feel the urge. Which has turned my own thinking from the “C’mon baby, what are you doing with my pics?” to “I know you’re going to, so maybe what I have to offer may help get you to a better place.”

I still appreciate it when what I’m doing online is the instigator these days, given the massive amount of choice available for masturbatory aid. I just look at it differently now.

Andee xoxo

Fantasies | Someone else is into it

Something that comes up every now and then is the subject of sexual fantasies. Over the years, I’ve shared some of mine (let’s be honest, we all have one or six that we’ll just keep to ourselves) and I’ve had plenty of discussions with others about theirs.

The Internet is a marvel for the discovery of all the odds and ends of what floats people’s boats. And if I know anything about sexual fantasies it’s that no matter what you think, no matter what your kink, you are not alone. There’s a real likelihood that someone shares the exact same fantasy.

Let’s be honest, the internet is also a marvel for giving an outlet to the truly bizarre as well – but in it, we find not just an outlet for our imagination, we also find the opportunity for security and understanding.

My sexual fantasies are, for the most part, just what you might expect. They’re somewhat run-of-the-mill; most involve somewhat normal sexual interactions. You won’t have me morphing into some oddity, a giantess or a mythical goddess. Sorry if that’s what you were hoping for, but despite how active and naughty my imagination is … my fantasies remain firm in me being a very normal, sexually curious woman.

Of course, it’s easy to say that I likely fall into a large group of women (and men) who are fired up by the idea of what others may consider as ‘vanilla.’

On the other end of the spectrum, over 17 years of sharing my sexual self online, l have encountered people with very different sexual fantasies. From alien sex abductions to bestiality to body fluids/functions to Greek mythology, people have shared back … and these days, seldom is it something I haven’t yet heard. In the beginning of my internet amateur porn days, some of these ideas – frankly – were alarming. The young naive small town girl in me never imagined that some things would be sexual triggers for others. Now I know different. (Please don’t take that as a challenge … seriously, I’m okay with being the sharer)

Fantasies are healthy, and allow us to play stories in our minds where we are the leading character … where we are in control of the plot, and our desires. There’s lots of research that supports the position that having fantasies is also very normal.

What I have also learned is there are online communities which allow those with less vanilla interests to share and get a sense of their own normality, which I think is also healthy. Having an outlet to share, to communicate and safely explore your sexual fantasies is important not only to a person’s ongoing mental health … but also to the adventure of discovery.

No matter what we might think, we’re not alone in that journey.

Andee     xoxo

Posing naked – the other perspective

My friend, Miles, shared this article with me that appeared in a trashy women’s magazine – you know, the one that considers “How to please your man in bed” and “Keep him interested with this month’s sex tips” to be journalism. However, that said, occasionally they do have articles worth reading.

The article my friend shared was a personal perspective from a fairly well-known ‘amateur’ Internet model about how it feels to pose naked. Obviously, I was intrigued; because as someone who does that kind of thing every now and then, I like to discover what others think of the act.

While the piece was well-written, and described how this particular model set out to find photographers, locations and themes, it didn’t really cover the reality that many of us in the amateur porn business share. Her experience was more of a self-directed Playboy lifestyle as opposed to the challenges that those of us who have amateur adult websites truly face. Most of us don’t have the ability/freedom/social condition that allows us to become a somewhat low-grade pin-up girl. “Amateur” to a lot of our fans truly means no $1,000 lighting, make-up artists, costume designers and pimped out hot rods or Harleys to sprawl over. And for the money most of us actually do make, we’re not exactly liquid enough to pay the crew.

And then there is the emotional side. I would never recommend this adventure to anyone; it must be an absolutely individual choice. It’s not like trying a new restaurant – it’s a “you can never take it back” exploit. The writer described her experience of one with almost romantic nuances. She missed out on the constant fear of being outted: the impact it may have on your career, you children and your marriage. Not to mention the guilt that still surfaces even after 13 years of posing naked.

However, it was interesting to read how she discovered that there are fetishes for just about every taste – but she didn’t expand on how vile some of them can be. Instead, she chose to expand on how she found herself gravitating to foot fetish crowd. It’s a fairly safe fetish community, same with the guys who love pantyhose, wet clothing, etc. Some fetishes are playful, fun and curious. She failed to mention the ones where guys want us to shit and piss in our panties and spread it all over, or the female pedophilia, incest and ‘pretend’ snuff.

The more prevalent experience that those of us in the amateur porn business face isn’t close to her “New York glamour.” We cope with online harassment almost daily, disgusting requests for things I would never have ever imagined could be sexually stimulating, fraud, copyright infringement and judgement. A lot of that aspect of being an amateur model is why I rarely bother with email anymore. I prefer the succinctness of Twitter – and its ability to block the offensive from my life.

The wives and girlfriends can be fun too. I’ve written before about how I’ve been threatened, accused of causing divorce and being a homewrecker … all because their partner happened to enjoy my photos and videos. At first, it took me by surprise. But over time I learned to laugh at it and recognize there are bigger issues in those relationships than a few images of me in lingerie left on someone’s hard drive.

Most of us accept what comes our way as the cost of pursuing something we find titillating and exciting. But I don’t think a lot of us ever consider the real cost of what it means to our lives; and those around us. Not that they would, but because of my hobby, no one in my family could ever pursue a political career.

When you get into amateur porn, you also have to become well-versed in copyright laws. It doesn’t take long to discover your photos will appear everywhere on the Internet, almost exclusively without permission. I’m fortunate in being part of the Southern Charms community in that we have a very aggressive copyright infringement team and seasoned lawyers to minimize the impact; but you can never stop it all. Sites like Tumblr, Blogger and the multitude of discussion boards, torrents, rapid share, etc. make it extremely difficult to protect your image and brand from theft.

That’s the primary reason why I stopped participating in online chats. Although I enjoyed connecting with the guys online, and having some time to be someone other than a Mom, wife and career woman, it just became easier to stop altogether and tell people “if you’re talking to ‘Andee’ you’re not talking to the real me.”

I would have never imagined there would be people out there who would want to pretend to be me and mislead guys into cybering/chatting/picture sharing/etc.

But there is … and they do. Still.

So, nice little rant to refresh my blog with … but let me end with this: while I rant about the content behind the article, I admire the writer for sharing it. Whether you have wonderful success as a professional ‘amateur’ model like her, or are the lowly wife-looking-to-spice-it-up like me, it takes a lot of courage to pose naked. You life changes immediately – and in ways you may not be considering as you roll your panties down over your knees for the first time on camera.

But, make no mistake, I chose to do this – and have to accept the bad that comes with the good.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Random kink

I can’t say there’s an awful lot about me that would be considered “kinky.” I enjoy sex, and many variations of it, but I’m not a role-player type, definitely not a frequent dabbler in BDSM … and I’ve never been one for spanking, humiliation or degradation.

No, my sexual kinks may be more easily defined in the pursuit of vanilla sex in a less than conventional manner. I like it missionary, I like it doggy-style … I just want to explore with outside of the contemporary view of marriage and monogamy. Kink to me implies lots of leather and kitchen utensils; cosplay and characters – things I’m basically not turned on by.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have an open mind when it comes to whatever turns other people on. On the contrary, I’m rather intrigued by it all. And so, with this week’s TMI Tuesday, we have a few random kinks to work on … along with other thoughts.

1. You have been asked to organize a sex & kink weekend. Will you be more of a “hands-on” person or more of an “ideas” person?

I’m an idea person. I think my creativity far out-distances my willingness to be hands on.

2. Assuming you are the hands-on type at this weekend sex romp, and you’ve entered a tent to ‘play’ with a male/female couple. Would you like to be given clear instructions before you begin to ‘play’ or do you prefer to be given the general idea of the task and work it out your own way.

In situations where the “hands on” aspect is important, I still like to let the moment develop on its own. I’ve found if you stick to the “script” too closely, you’re more libel to miss out on what could have been because you were so focused on trying to ensure the moment followed the plan you laid out in the first place. You miss those little nuances that could take it in a whole different direction. The best things in life – especially when it comes to sex – come from those unexpected left turns.

3. True or False. “During sex, I like to hear and accept feedback.”

False. During sex I like to hear a little dirty talk, lots of moaning, groaning, heavy breathing and the occasional “Oh fuck yes!” However, AFTER sex, I’m all for a little post-mortem of the moment. Let’s find out what worked, what was hot … what was too much and what was “yeah, let’s never speak of that again.”

4. What are you wearing right now?

Seriously? What female blogger worth her weight in chiffon is NOT sitting at her computer answering these questions in an amazingly sexy lace teddy from (insert your favourite lingerie company) with garters, black stockings with the seam that runs all the way up the back and her favourite pair of patent-leather 5-inch stiletto heels? And while I’m pondering the answer to each question, I’m flirtatiously playing with my rhinestone necklace and wondering if I could get that unbelievable hot delivery guy to flirt with me tomorrow if I left my wedding rings at home.

But while you mull that over, I’ll just cuddle up with my laptop on the couch while wearing my comfy yoga pants and t-shirt. And yes, I have underwear on underneath, but I honestly can’t remember if it matches my bra.

5. I show loyalty to my lover by ________ .

Never hiding a thing from him when it comes to our sex life, my desires and my fantasies (mostly). I show loyalty by being unwaveringly open with him, sharing the responsibility of initiating conversation around our sexual (and non-sexual) life together.

But mostly by honouring the commitment we made to each other over 20 years ago; and working on our relationship in good times and even harder in bad times – and NEVER diminishing what we have worked so hard to create together.

Plus, he’s never once complained about the occasional blowjob …

6. Do you always have to argue?

If you argue fair, it can be productive and progressive … HOWEVER … if you communicate on an adult level all the time, and recognize that relationships are not scripted perfection, the arguments are actually more healthy discussions with less vocal volume. A healthy relationship, if you ask me, also includes a willingness to allow a difference of opinion without judgement AND an agreement to occasionally disagree.

BONUS: Pick up the closest book to you, open it to page 55. The first line on that page reads:

Document collaboration means working with others to create, review, and revise a document to achieve the best end result.

Sorry folks, just finished a computer course at college and my textbook was just that much closer than the collection of erotic fiction for women by women. But if it’s any consolation, I’ll probably read a bit of that tonight before bed and then masturbate to the thoughts swirling around in my imagination.

Andee     xoxo

Twitter | #askandee – The Answers

Hey there! I know not everyone could join in last Friday for my first-ever Twitter chat, so I have archived the questions for those who wanted to catch up with what people asked me, and some of the answers I gave. I think I’ll definitely do this again, probably in the fall, so that should give you lots of time to come up with some intriguing questions to throw my way.

To help add a bit of context to some of my answers – especially since Twitter only lets you use 140 characters, I’ve included some links to previous thoughts and ideas on some of the topics that came up. Hope you enjoy!

What is something that never fails to get your turned on and horny?

Something that never fails to turn me on? Kissing. A hot, lots of tongue, passionate kiss always hits me between the thighs

Do you have a favorite part of foreplay?

Foreplay favourite? Toughie…either the build up with oral #sex, or when a man uses his long, probing fingers in/on me

Foreplay and engaging the mind is a huge key in great sex…the imagination is your greatest sex toy @StayGoldJersey

What’s your favorite position?

Favourite position? Hands down, I am a doggystyle sex girl. Love, love, love getting it from behind and bent over.

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/take-me-from-behind-boys/

Have you ever dated someone famous?

Famous boyfriends? Not really, although hubby’s former job was very public and he was/is somewhat well-known

If you divorced, would you consider marriage again?

Re-marry? Don’t think I would…but I’d definitely be enjoying singlehood and exploring the idea of friends with benefits

Is there anything you’d change about your looks with plastic surgery if you could afford it?

Plastic surgery? Only thing I’d consider would be having the girls done…not bigger, but put back to the way they used to be

@AndeeSC2 Please don’t let them mess with your nipples. Biggest mistake by women is to let the surgeon cut into them.

I’m doubtful I would ever have the girls done anyway…better things to invest my money in right now @StayGoldJersey

What is the kinkiest thing you have done with yourself?

Kinky self-fun? Nothing outrageous, but I have an affection for long-neck wine bottles and the vibration of a Dyson vacuum

Do you ever wake up your hubby with oral sex?

Oral sex wake up? I have in the past…not a frequent occasion; I prefer things like waking him up with a BJ to be unique

What do you like least about doing amateur porn?

Like least about porn: the fear and reality of having to tell my children someday when the find out @pleasure_spot

What do you like most about doing amateur porn?

Like most about doing porn: the sexual discovery, the adventure and spice it has brought to my marriage (and the attention) @pleasure_spot

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2011/02/20/porn-five-reasons-why-we-do-it/

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2011/01/12/the-biz-my-take-on-porn/

Was it your idea to start doing porn, or hubby’s?

Idea to start porn? My husband first brought up the idea, on a dare…I lost, pics posted, started to like the results/attention @pleasure_spot

@AndeeSC2 I never would have guessed you got into this on a dare. Did you already have exhibitionist tendencies?

@pleasure_spot I’ve always been a bit daring… and comfortable in front of the camera. Things grew from there and I kind of enjoyed it

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/naked-photos-why-pose-for-porn 

Does your husband ever get jealous?

Does hubby get jealous? Quite the opposite, he loves showing me off and seeing the attention from my fans @pleasure_spot

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/flirting-wife-my-husband-deals-with-it/

Will you and hubby ever try “swinging” again?

Swinging again? He’s game. I’ll never say never, it didn’t work out for us the first time…but I still have many curiosities!

@AndeeSC2 I’ve never partook in the activity but I believe the majority of women would be more into #strange then men.

@StayGoldJersey My experience in swinging has shown me that it tends to be a woman in control atmosphere.

@AndeeSC2 Just like in the street, guys better act right or they’re going home with their hand. #truth

How encouraging is/was your hubby in your website?

Hubby and my site? He’s very much a big partner in the whole crime, and I wouldn’t do it without his support and involvement @pleasure_spot

How often do you and hubby indulge in anal sex

Anal sex? Not very often. Depending on the moment, there is sometimes a bit of play, but not penetration very much. @BIGRICHIE7

How long do you plan on being a Southern Charm?

How much longer a Charm? I have no plans to give up my site yet; enjoying the fun & spice it brings to my marriage. @BIGRICHIE7

Can I name one of my sex toys Big Richie?

Naming my sex toys: I don’t actually have nicknames for any of them other than “Oh, my god that’s huge!” LOL @BIGRICHIE7

Do you enjoy sex outside under the moonlight?

Outdoor sex at night? It’s extremely romantic and I have a few times in the past made love under the moonlight. @BIGRICHIE

Do you enjoy giving massage and tug jobs?

Handjobs isn’t something I’ve been awarded any prizes for…word is I give great oral, so I stick with that talent @StayGoldJersey

What is your favourite lingerie?

Favourite lingerie? Right now, my favourite is in my update 428 – sexy red piece from a friend, great stockings @iankeegan27_ian

What is the most public place you have had sex? Given a blowjob?

Public sex? Hmm…pressed against a hotel window overlooking the Las Vegas strip @StayGoldJersey

It was very erotic for me, knowing that if someone looked up, they would see…Vegas being Vegas 😉 @StayGoldJersey

Public blowjob? Driving on the highway is probably the most public, if you looked into the car. @StayGoldJersey

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2011/06/30/five-places-ive-blown-his-mind/

What position is the easiest for you to achieve an orgasm?

Orgasm position? I’m one of those women that needs help, so missionary with my vibrating toy or an amazing tongue @StayGoldJersey

After your first orgasm, is it easy for you to have multiple orgasms?

Multiple orgasms? Used to be easier before kids…but I’m usually good to get another one or two out with help @StayGoldJersey

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/tmi-tuesday-orgasms-andee

Are you a loud, dirty talker during sex?

Loud and dirty? Not really…having kids had calmed the volume…but I enjoy good dirty sexy talk @iankeegan27_ian

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2011/08/06/aural-sex-loving-the-dirty-talk/

How often do you have sex?

How often do I have sex? It varies on what life dishes out. An average would be 7-10 times per month @iankeegan27_ian

Where is your favourite place for a man to cum?

Fav place for cum? Love feeling a man deep inside me, but I also enjoy having him cum in my mouth @iankeegan27_ian

What do you like most about your body?

What do I like most about my body? My eyes always get compliments…my legs…but for porn, whatever draws fans! @iankeegan27_ian

Why don’t you like pantyhose?

Pantyhose? always found them uncomfy, being short, never fit…hubby introduced me to stockings, which I prefer. @silversurfera1

Never really liked them…being short means they rarely fit properly. Thigh highs and stockings produce better reactions @silversurfera1

https://andeesc2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/how-i-became-addicted-to-your-fetish/

Have you had sex with anyone other than your husband since you got married?

Since I have been married, the only thing I have done with anyone else has been #oral #askandee @iankeegan27_ian

Sex with someone else while married? Only women…no guys…but we’re not saying it’s off the table 😉 @StayGoldJersey

I say “not off the table” but the reality is, there has to be chemistry for me. Not looking for just a hookup @StayGoldJersey

Have you ever had sex with a member or fan of your site?

Slept with a fan/member? No, I’m happily married and don’t use my site as a way to hook-up. Some do, just not me. @iankeegan27_ian

Do you ever let your fans take you out?

Dating fans? I tried a “meet me” contest a couple times; didn’t really work out that well…might be geography @iankeegan27_ian

And honestly, I’m not adverse to the idea of meeting fans, but it would have to in the right setting and context @iankeegan27_ian

Guys think that because I have my website that I am easy and looking for sex…which is far from the truth @iankeegan27_ian

@silversurfera1 Some people just have a twisted idea of why some women are OK with doing porn

@AndeeSC2 @iankeegan27_ian I imagine it’s hard for people to understand the “dualism” involved with doing an adult site & your “normal” life

I think you nailed it there… and there is even “dualism” in doing a site, amateur versus professional @silversurfera1

So, setting would be public, chaperoned without question and no guarantee of anything but a friendly conversation @iankeegan27_ian

 

And there you, the best snippets and questions from my first #askandee Twitter chat. Hope you’ll join me again in the fall for my next one!

Andee     xoxo