Category Archives: Office
“Memorable sex is not necessarily amazing sex, though amazing sex is certainly memorable.”
I haven’t been the best at keeping up with the TMI Tuesday lately, but the past few months have been wild and crazy for me – and sadly not in a way that will make my answers to this week’s entry all that much more exciting.
- My first orgasm of the year.
- My first time having intercourse of the year.
- Making my husband tell me his secret fantasy about his coworker
2. What made the encounters memorable/amazing?
For questions 1 and 2, it makes more sense once you understand that in December 2013 I had a fairly serious operation that certainly changed a substantial part of what makes me a woman. Being laid up for six weeks, and then having another two added on before intercourse was allowed made for a very frustrating start to 2014. And when I felt good enough to try to coax an orgasm out with the aid of my favourite battery-operated boyfriend (external manipulation only), it was very nerve-wracking. I had already endured a major change in the quality and initiation of my orgasms after childbirth, so I was terrified of another change in my ability to have them.
It took a great deal of getting used to; and I suppose I still am 10 months later.
As for my husband’s confession … there is nothing hotter than tormenting a man, taking him to the absolute brink of the point of no return and making him share his naughtiest thoughts. My husband has a particular coworker who I have known for some time that he has a bit of an affection for. One night, fairly recently actually, I made him tell me in graphic detail about her, and what he thinks she would be like sexually. I LOVE hearing his fantasies.
3. What is memorable and amazing about you?
Oh boy … a vanity question. Um … this is what guys tell me, not so much what I believe:
First thing is my eyes. Deep, dark brown; guys always compliment me and tell me how sexy my eyes are. I’ll take it.
Third thing – and this is truly my one sliver of sexual vanity – my oral sex talents. I’ve willingly accepted that this is something I excel at, mostly because I actually took a course in how to give them. But also because it’s something that I think both the guy and myself can enjoy in the heat of the moment; and shared sexual experiences that border on amazing … it’s a given that they are good things.
BONUS: Which of the things listed below should be infectious?
d. good health
Wealth is too fickle, and has far too many interpretations. For me, c) and d) are the two things that should be infectious.
Without question, I like to flirt. And I don’t discriminate; men, women, white, black, blue, green. I’m a people person and if I find a way to have a connection with someone who intrigues that part of my psyche, I’m game for a little flirtatious interaction. And I think if you have paid any attention along the way the past four years that I have been blogging and Twittering, you’ll know flirting is something I take very seriously.
Sadly, I’m also learning these days that flirting – even when done really well – is a dying art.
Five Reasons Flirting is Fading
I hazard to say that anyone working in a professional environment in North America can attest that workplace political correctness and over-bearing human resources policies have driven a huge wooden stake right through the heart of gender relations. Men and women are no longer allowed to play the Mars and Venus game, they are required to fall in line with some policy that says Marcie in accounting can’t be ogled by Bill in sales, even if Bill wasn’t actually ogling. We have policied ourselves into some level of social numbness where the only appropriate non-work related question can be able the lunch menu (if you dare).
Yes, sexual harassment is a real issue, but corporate policies are designed for mass implementation as opposed to identifying and addressing the cause. The challenge behind this is that it has created a huge scare, in which people are afraid to be anything but robotic little lemmings instead of individuals with unique interests, desires and senses of humour. The only safe conversation is “How was your weekend?” … and even can be sketchy at times. Oh, and Lord, don’t even mention your favourite NFL team if they happen to be from Washington, Kansas City or heaven-forbid, Green Bay (’cause all you know ‘packers’ has a suggestive meaning in some gay circles).
2. Technology Taints
A girl I work with – a single mom in her 40s – is back on the dating scene after her husband left her for some piece of fluff half her age. She’s learning that in this modern age, actual verbal communication falls low on the list of how it works. She’s also learning that the … um … sexual component of the dating game involves texting, sexting and selfies BEFORE an actual date has even taken place. I must say, we all did have a chuckle at the less than impressive penis shot her latest “date” sent her; this after only one brief encounter at a local coffee shop during her lunch hour.
What ever happened to the mystery?
Add to that, I just read an article today that says couples who meet online (dating sites, etc.) are less likely to get married and more likely to break up. I can only wonder if it’s because penis pics are becoming the norm … guys?
3. Conversation is Caput
Directly linked to the reason above, the two genders in our culture no longer seem to have the ability to talk to each other anymore. I see it constantly, especially with the younger adults. We’re connected to our gadgets. Sure, we can text 100 words per minute with just our thumbs, but we have no clue how to actually talk to someone of the opposite sex over a casual cup of coffee, never mind start up a flirtatious conversation ripe with barely-veiled sexual innuendo.
And even beyond the casual conversation that may occur between non-sexual relationships, we appear to have lost the ability – or maybe just the courage – to communicate with each other face-to-face.
4. Uber Feminism is Uber Annoying
I’m a feminist, an equalitist (made that one up) and a staunch believer in fairness all around. But I’m also woman and feminine enough to politely acknowledge a man who opens a door for me. I’m woman and girly enough to blush when a man (other than my husband) gives me a compliment on my hair/outfit/shoes/appropriate body part/etc. Some days I’ll even take the compliment on the inappropriate body part. I’m also woman enough to feel a little tingle between my thighs when I attract the attention of a man other than my husband, thus causing a slight distraction and/or dirty thought to pop into his head. In fact, I’m disappointed when I intentionally set out with that in mind and seemingly fail.
What I’m not is someone who is so fearful of my gender identity that I feel the need to treat men (and women) with suspicion and hostility just because they want to be nice to me. I’m not afraid of men, nor am I jealous and possessive to the point where my own husband is afraid of me.
We have forgotten how to be kind to each other and the anger between the sexes has created a battlefield where no one remembers how to act with dignity, grace and sincere flattery. We’ve forgotten that we’re supposed to have a polite level of sexual tension between us – that’s what leads to the preservation of the species through procreation.
5. Immediate Gratification
Our modern culture is focused strictly on satisfaction NOW. No one wants to wait; no one wants to invest some time and work towards a long-term reward. Flirting done well is an investment in the other person. It’s something that builds and forms a new layer in a relationship between two people. It’s not a cat-calling come-on, but a finely tuned conversation that allows the level of innuendo and humour to build naturally. Not done well it usually results in the other person thinking you’re just a horny creep.
You might think someone like me – or the me you think you know from the Internet – might not struggle with the idea of sexual guilt. It’s a dark subject, to say the least, and one that is difficult to properly discuss. Sexual guilt is the unexpected element of turning a fantasy into reality, of experimentation even when you have full disclosure and permission … of indulging in activities that society judges harshly. There are many different levels, along with many different angles of judgement.
In my sexual adventure so far there have been a number of circumstances that left me with a sense of guilt over the outcome. I try to avoid using the term “regret” because I truly believe that, at the time when things occurred, it was something that I wanted. But that isn’t to suggest that later on, when a more reasonable and less sexually-charged mindset came about, there wasn’t any apprehension or embarrassment over my actions.
But the one thing I have learned about sexual guilt is that you can’t hide from it forever.
From an emotional perspective, it is one of the psychological states that if left unaddressed will fester into something that affects the positive aspects of your life. So when the subject of dealing with the fallout from intimate encounters that didn’t go exactly as planned came up, I found myself reliving those moments of my own soul-searching for ways to cope.
And so, by request, I dug into the recesses of my somewhat twisted – and certainly not scientifically approved – consciousness for some insight. These might be seen as somewhat unrealistic approaches for everyone and every situation – but when it comes to coping with feelings of sexual second thought, you’ll soon know what method works best for you.
TALK IT OUT
The obvious approach might be to address it in a face-to-face situation. I’m not sure why – given how “advanced” we like to consider ourselves in these modern times – we seem to be afraid to talk to each other. And so this might seem like an unusual tactic for many couples.
My husband and I have found that the best time for these kinds of discussions is in bed, after we’ve enjoyed a round of sweaty mattress dancing. We’ve connected on an intimate level, and the pent-up sexual urge has been resolved. Those moments when we feel especially connected are usually ideal for a more balanced conversation about what went down, where we’re going next … and the ramifications of why we are feeling sexual guilt.
Of course, this always goes better when the sexual guilt is attached to something we have mutual knowledge of … probably not the time to spring any surprises.
WRITE IT OUT
My blog, and random nonsense on Twitter, are huge outlets for the thoughts, stresses, desires and mistakes I make in life. The freedom to express those feelings by writing helps guide me in expressing myself … and frankly adds a slight buffer before I need to confront reality. The words on here can be shared with my husband before I need to come face-to-face with whatever misgiving or development has occurred. And the best thing is they can also be edited in order to ensure that the right things get said in the right way.
Writing it out also allows you to put the key facts out there right away, avoiding any emotional confusion should a conversation get off-track.
WAIT IT OUT
I’ve seen how being compulsive can be damaging to people’s relationships. I’m not an advocate for keeping secrets, but some things may require a little “water under the bridge” time before they should be introduced into conversation.
This is one of the toughest approaches to dealing with sexual guilt, if you ask me … because all of that bottled up can be unhealthy. But timing is everything, from comedy to marriage preservation. You’ll know what I mean when you hear something funny that is both humour and irony.
BLEED IT OUT
I don’t mean literally. While this isn’t something I practice often, I tend to combine it with the wait it out strategy by slowly letting small truths be exposed. From there, the reality builds in bits and pieces like chapters in a book – as long as you have the courage and commitment to arriving at the point of complete disclosure.
The best example I have for this is based around the relationship I have with my Office Guy. I know it’s been a while since you heard about him, but that’s best saved for a future blog. I can’t recommend that everyone try to create a “friend with benefits” relationship with a co-worker, but I learned from my experience in doing so that you can ease someone into the idea by slowly releasing more of the truth as opposed to blurting it out. Bit by bit, I introduced my husband to the realities of what was going on between my friend and I … and note, that I said “my husband.” I never kept any of the developments from him; I just chose to move slower with telling him the truth of events that occurred in creating the relationship with my friend.
In the end, it all worked out – and I realize that I was very lucky it did. But my guilt would have been so much more had I chosen to not be honest and truthful; I just had to build up to full disclosure.
THROW IT OUT
In my blog about launching your own sexual adventure, I touched on the idea of not carrying other people’s emotional baggage.
This was a very difficult reality for me in working through my own sexual guilt. It can be very challenging to accept that some people bring a lot of their own guilt – or baggage – into sexual situations. You can’t own theirs as well as your own. You need to let them be their own remorse Sherpa.
Above anything else, don’t take this as gospel. My thoughts are just those silly notions that spin occasionally out of control between my ears. I just chose to share them with anyone who cares to stop by and enjoy me with a cup of coffee in hand.
Truly, I’m no expert … just a sexually engaged married woman with a desire to explore as much as like can offer, while not having any regrets for the things I want.
It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.
I always enjoy sharing my thoughts with you, and even though I have been suffering from blogger’s block lately, little questions like today’s TMI Tuesday make it easier to get my mind into that sexual space where the best ideas tend to hang out.
This week, we are sharing our information “Fill in the blanks” style.
1. I’m the type of person that likes to be ENTERTAINED in bed.
I initially considered saying “sweaty,” which is also something I like to be in bed … but only during sex. Being entertained in bed can mean a number of different things. First off, from a sexual perspective, I love having sex that has a creative element to it, whether physical or mental – the sharing of naughty ideas and fantasies in the heat of passion. Secondly, and let’s be honest, not everyone have sex every time they are in bed … so, I like to be entertained by reading. Reading is one of my biggest passions, and my bed allows me the peace and privacy I need to let my imagination absorb the ideas on the pages.
2. If the sexiest person I know propositioned me for sex, I would WILLING AGREE.
I’m a sexual being … I love sex, love exploring new sexual experiences and would dive right in to the opportunity. But, there would need to be some conditions. While I think my husband is the sexiest person I really know, that answer would bore you. You want to know about someone outside of my marriage, and that would be agreeable, and my husband would definitely want to be there to watch and perhaps hold the camera.
3. The worst part about BEING ALONE when I am naked is THE COST OF BATTERIES.
Um, this was tougher than I first thought; especially with the first blank required to make the sentence grammatically correct. Anyway, some fun for the answer, because when I am alone and feeling horny, I tend to lie back and enjoy my fantasies while my trusted little vibrator massages me into blissful orgasm. I dread to think how much I have spent on batteries over the years – I probably should have bought shares in the company.
4. I regret my first TIME.
Well, let’s be honest, most of us do to a certain extent. I was inexperienced, far too young (in my mind) and really wished I had waited.
5. The last sexual/kinky thing I expected to like was ANAL SEX.
I have said several times before, had I not met my husband, I doubt I would have explored and discovered so many incredible things sexually. He has been a wonderful partner and encourager of my sexual adventure and always allowed me to experiment and dabble with a number of kinky ideas. I never would have imagined that anal sex would be something that I enjoy, but as it turned out, given the right state of mind, the right amount of lube and the right position – bazinga!
6. Recently, I FLASHED someone.
Well … not THAT kind of flash … but certainly a little “can you see I’m wearing stockings to work today as I let the hem of my dress inch up just a little bit under the table in the lunch room” kind of naughty tease. I know he saw, the expression on his face gave him away. Chalk another naughty office distraction victory up to yours truly. Other than that, I can’t say I’m really much of a “get the girls out” kind of girl. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually done that … and none of them have been very recent.
BONUS: You have been kidnapped by lesbians and dragged into a lesbian orgy, what are you going to do?
Well, the expression is “when in Rome …” so I would have to think when you find yourself immersed in the delightful sexual debauchery of a lesbian orgy, you must get yourself naked and plunge in head (and tongue) first.