TMI Tuesday | Bad sex

Well, it’s been a long time since I played TMI Tuesday, but this was a fun set of questions. And while sex shouldn’t be all that bad, truth be told, sometimes things just don’t work out as planned … and the results are less than satisfying.

Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?

Before proceeding to the next question, which explains a bit more in detail about the “bad sex” moment I recall best … I can say that MOST of the sex I had with my first boyfriend with whom I had sex, was bad sex. He didn’t get the concept … maybe it was because he was young and inexperienced, or maybe it was just because he was getting bad advice from a bunch of male friends who probably lost their virginity to the barn goat. But it wasn’t good sex. Obviously the relationship didn’t last very long.

Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?

Well, let’s see … I’ve been sexually active since I was 15. I’m now 42. Yep, pretty sure there has been some bad sex in there beyond the answer above. But knowing you’ll want some examples, I’ll offer up this little gem that my husband likes to remind me of – way back when we were dating, we went to his office Christmas party. I had a wee bit too much to drink, and he wanted a little piece of action before bed. I had dressed up all nice and sexy for him, including ditching my panties about halfway through the night, and flirted and teased him like mad … so he was pretty anxious to get laid. Back at his place, things started off pretty good, but I was so drunk I passed out halfway through. He rolled me over and decided this night would be a good night to get some anal. Apparently I was a relatively enthusiastic participant. But I openly admit, it serves me right …

What instantly puts you in a bad mood?

Guilt. Anyone who tried to guilt me into action immediately pisses me off. This includes performing certain sex acts, such as oral or (as above) anal when I’m just not in the mood.

Have you been hurt during a sex? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?

Nothing that has left scarring, if that’s what you mean. But, I am a bit of a willing partner when it comes to sexual adventure. One of my dildos – which is truly not meant for a reluctant participant in anal sex to use as a substitute dick while trying to explore the sensation of a threesome – left my backdoor very, very sore and tender for a few days; although it felt amazing at the time. Also, my first introduction to Ben Wa balls left me with a bruised vagina. I haven’t tried them since.

During sex, what instantly turns you off?

The sound of children at the bedroom door …

Bad sex – is there really such a thing?

Yes, sadly there is. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t bubbling and the flames of passion are more like puffs of road dust. When it’s that, you need to call it off and resort to a reliable ol’ friend from the nightstand to get you off.

Bonus: Biting during sex…

1. do you like it?
2. do you do it?

Neither. I’ve never been a biter, nor am I really into it. Biting leaves marks … I’m too old to explain hickeys and bite marks to inquisitive teenagers in the house.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Random kink

I can’t say there’s an awful lot about me that would be considered “kinky.” I enjoy sex, and many variations of it, but I’m not a role-player type, definitely not a frequent dabbler in BDSM … and I’ve never been one for spanking, humiliation or degradation.

No, my sexual kinks may be more easily defined in the pursuit of vanilla sex in a less than conventional manner. I like it missionary, I like it doggy-style … I just want to explore with outside of the contemporary view of marriage and monogamy. Kink to me implies lots of leather and kitchen utensils; cosplay and characters – things I’m basically not turned on by.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have an open mind when it comes to whatever turns other people on. On the contrary, I’m rather intrigued by it all. And so, with this week’s TMI Tuesday, we have a few random kinks to work on … along with other thoughts.

1. You have been asked to organize a sex & kink weekend. Will you be more of a “hands-on” person or more of an “ideas” person?

I’m an idea person. I think my creativity far out-distances my willingness to be hands on.

2. Assuming you are the hands-on type at this weekend sex romp, and you’ve entered a tent to ‘play’ with a male/female couple. Would you like to be given clear instructions before you begin to ‘play’ or do you prefer to be given the general idea of the task and work it out your own way.

In situations where the “hands on” aspect is important, I still like to let the moment develop on its own. I’ve found if you stick to the “script” too closely, you’re more libel to miss out on what could have been because you were so focused on trying to ensure the moment followed the plan you laid out in the first place. You miss those little nuances that could take it in a whole different direction. The best things in life – especially when it comes to sex – come from those unexpected left turns.

3. True or False. “During sex, I like to hear and accept feedback.”

False. During sex I like to hear a little dirty talk, lots of moaning, groaning, heavy breathing and the occasional “Oh fuck yes!” However, AFTER sex, I’m all for a little post-mortem of the moment. Let’s find out what worked, what was hot … what was too much and what was “yeah, let’s never speak of that again.”

4. What are you wearing right now?

Seriously? What female blogger worth her weight in chiffon is NOT sitting at her computer answering these questions in an amazingly sexy lace teddy from (insert your favourite lingerie company) with garters, black stockings with the seam that runs all the way up the back and her favourite pair of patent-leather 5-inch stiletto heels? And while I’m pondering the answer to each question, I’m flirtatiously playing with my rhinestone necklace and wondering if I could get that unbelievable hot delivery guy to flirt with me tomorrow if I left my wedding rings at home.

But while you mull that over, I’ll just cuddle up with my laptop on the couch while wearing my comfy yoga pants and t-shirt. And yes, I have underwear on underneath, but I honestly can’t remember if it matches my bra.

5. I show loyalty to my lover by ________ .

Never hiding a thing from him when it comes to our sex life, my desires and my fantasies (mostly). I show loyalty by being unwaveringly open with him, sharing the responsibility of initiating conversation around our sexual (and non-sexual) life together.

But mostly by honouring the commitment we made to each other over 20 years ago; and working on our relationship in good times and even harder in bad times – and NEVER diminishing what we have worked so hard to create together.

Plus, he’s never once complained about the occasional blowjob …

6. Do you always have to argue?

If you argue fair, it can be productive and progressive … HOWEVER … if you communicate on an adult level all the time, and recognize that relationships are not scripted perfection, the arguments are actually more healthy discussions with less vocal volume. A healthy relationship, if you ask me, also includes a willingness to allow a difference of opinion without judgement AND an agreement to occasionally disagree.

BONUS: Pick up the closest book to you, open it to page 55. The first line on that page reads:

Document collaboration means working with others to create, review, and revise a document to achieve the best end result.

Sorry folks, just finished a computer course at college and my textbook was just that much closer than the collection of erotic fiction for women by women. But if it’s any consolation, I’ll probably read a bit of that tonight before bed and then masturbate to the thoughts swirling around in my imagination.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday – Sex Session Confessions

Like most anyone who’s been in a relationship for a long time, there are highlights of some sexual antics that outshine the routine that most of us settle into. I think every now and then, it’s important to revisit those moments where it was all about the quality of the sex and raw energy that came with it.

So, for this week’s TMI Tuesday, we’re back onto my favourite subject: sex.

1. Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session? Name the positions.

Absolutely. It’s not really that rare for us to mix things up a little bit; and I can’t really say we have a list of “go to” positions. This past weekend, for example, our night between the sheets included: him giving me oral, followed by him entering me missionary, then my legs up on his shoulders, then a little doggy style with me on my hands and knees – “oh god, wait … that feels so incredible, but I want to watch.” – which leads to standing up with him behind me while I prop my hands against the row of mirrors in our bedroom.

So, when the moment is inspired, we kind of let things take us where they do …

2. Have you ever had sex continuously for more than an hour? Was it all intercourse or other methods of sexual pleasure?

Yes, but certainly not a full hour of straight intercourse. Goodness, I’m certain that would result in some serious friction burn (and yes, let’s be realistic here…) With my own husband, when we get into a huge session like this, there’s lots of foreplay, oral, toys, penetration – great times of sharing fantasies and opening up our imaginations. Our last experience with another couple was probably the best for a full hour of continual sexual activity. That encounter involved a whole lot of oral, followed by a little masturbation and finally intercourse (with own partners). But, let’s be honest, with four people in the mix, it’s a lot easier to spread around the fun!

3. Have you planned & devoted an entire day to sex/sexual activity?

Way back when we were young and had no money and no kids, this was our usual Sundays. We lived in such a pathetic little town and sad three room apartment when we were first married. It was just a better way to spend the time together and plan for the future.

4. Have you been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained?

No. I’m much more of a breath-holder and quiet moaner than someone who screams at the top of her lungs. Always have been that way; a little self-conscious I guess. A big part of that has been from years of: living with male roommates in college who would have never let me live it down, to being married and living in a tiny apartment with paper-thin walls in a remarkably narrow-minded small town, to being a mom with inquisitive little kids (who have grown into teenagers and don’t need to know certain things about their mother).

5. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?

OK, small moment of vanity … but yes. I’ve been told numerous times (including those not my husband) that I have a very remarkable oral talent. However, it’s also a little bit of a “cheat.” I actually took one of those “How to turn on your man” workshops where the woman teaching the session gave us some incredible take-home tips. (I took it with a friend who works in radio and wanted material for her talk show but didn’t want to go alone) My husband still declares to this day that the cost of the session for me was the best money he has ever spent.

6. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk?

Yes, but dirty talk is also a very difficult talent to pull off properly. There’s an extremely fine line between creepy/inappropriate and erotic/engaging.

BONUS: What words during sex totally turn you off or distract you from the task at hand?

“I just heard the kids outside the bedroom door.”

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | The Hookup

Hookups — brief uncommitted sexual encounters between individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other.

“Hookups have emerged from more general social shifts taking place during the last century. Hookups began to become more frequent in the 1920s, with the upsurge of automobiles and novel entertainment, such as movie theaters. Instead of courting at home under a parent’s watchful eye, young adults left the home and were able to explore their sexuality more freely.

By the 1960s, young adults became even more sexually liberated, with the rise of feminism, widespread availability of birth control and growth of sex-integrated college party events. Today, sexual behavior outside of traditional committed romantic pair-bonds has become increasingly typical and socially acceptable (Bogle, 2007, 2008).” — Source

This is, quite easily, one of the more difficult TMI Tuesdays for me. Having been in a committed relationship now for almost 25 years, there isn’t a vast amount of “hook-up” dishing to be had. However, the idea captivates my attention because of the very nature of it – the pure sexual freedom and no emotional attachment. There’s a lot of potential in that.

There is a great debate somewhere in all of this – people of my generation and older may see these encounters as the old “one-night stand.” Whereas, as mentioned above, today’s youth may very well see these “sex for sex sake” encounters as normal behaviour.

1. When was your last hook-up?

So, here is where we will begin with my own twist on the concept. I can’t say that my encounter is a hook-up in the truest of senses, mainly because it was carefully planned, my husband was present for the entire encounter … and the only outcome was the exchange of oral sex.

But that wonderful encounter took place in March 2012

2. Briefly describe the hook-up?

I had invested about three years of really committed flirting and teasing of the guy before making the leap. It’s described in great detail in another blog entry.

3. How did you feel physically and emotionally after your last hook-up?

Physically, it was an incredible moment in my adult life. The orgasm I experienced left me weak in the knees for hours. Emotionally was more of a challenge. There was no guilt on my behalf, I had the unbelievable support and encouragement from my husband to go ahead with the encounter, so my conscience was clear. But in the days after, I still felt confused. I had an intense desire (and still do) to take the next step and push the sexual envelope a bit more, but I also had to accept that the freedom I enjoyed was not shared for my partner. For him it was very much an “affair” and he had to make some tough decisions based on reality as opposed to sexual fantasy.

4. Are you still acquainted with the person from your hook-up?

We are still friends, although I don’t hear from him as much as I would like. We no longer work together and have since taken different paths in life.

5. How often do you engage in hook-ups?

This was the one and only time … so far.

6. What do you like most about engaging in hook-ups?

Well, outside of the previously stated lack of experience, I like the idea of being able to sexually explore without an emotional commitment. There’s something to be said for the sense of freedom.

Bonus: Are you married and having hook-ups?

Um … see above. But yes, I am married – happily, lovingly married.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Memorable Moments

“Memorable sex is not necessarily amazing sex, though amazing sex is certainly memorable.”

I haven’t been the best at keeping up with the TMI Tuesday lately, but the past few months have been wild and crazy for me – and sadly not in a way that will make my answers to this week’s entry all that much more exciting.

1. Tell us your top 3 memorable and/or amazing sexual experiences thus far in 2014.

1. My first orgasm of the year.
2. My first time having intercourse of the year.
3. Making my husband tell me his secret fantasy about his coworker

2. What made the encounters memorable/amazing?

For questions 1 and 2, it makes more sense once you understand that in December 2013 I had a fairly serious operation that certainly changed a substantial part of what makes me a woman. Being laid up for six weeks, and then having another two added on before intercourse was allowed made for a very frustrating start to 2014. And when I felt good enough to try to coax an orgasm out with the aid of my favourite battery-operated boyfriend (external manipulation only), it was very nerve-wracking. I had already endured a major change in the quality and initiation of my orgasms after childbirth, so I was terrified of another change in my ability to have them.

It took a great deal of getting used to; and I suppose I still am 10 months later.

As for my husband’s confession … there is nothing hotter than tormenting a man, taking him to the absolute brink of the point of no return and making him share his naughtiest thoughts. My husband has a particular coworker who I have known for some time that he has a bit of an affection for. One night, fairly recently actually, I made him tell me in graphic detail about her, and what he thinks she would be like sexually. I LOVE hearing his fantasies.

3. What is memorable and amazing about you?

Oh boy … a vanity question. Um … this is what guys tell me, not so much what I believe:

First thing is my eyes. Deep, dark brown; guys always compliment me and tell me how sexy my eyes are. I’ll take it.

Second thing are my legs. Again, I tend to think I’m too short to have sexy legs, but they certainly seem to come up in conversation from my website pics and Twitter. Once again, I’ll take it.

Third thing – and this is truly my one sliver of sexual vanity – my oral sex talents. I’ve willingly accepted that this is something I excel at, mostly because I actually took a course in how to give them. But also because it’s something that I think both the guy and myself can enjoy in the heat of the moment; and shared sexual experiences that border on amazing … it’s a given that they are good things.

BONUS: Which of the things listed below should be infectious?

a. smiles
b. wealth
c. laughter
d. good health

Wealth is too fickle, and has far too many interpretations. For me, c) and d) are the two things that should be infectious.

Andee     xoxo