Monthly Archives: February 2012
One of the things about having a blog like this, and my website, is that I get to explore all the marvelous sexual ideas that go on in my head. I get to choose whether or not they remain fantasies, become realities or simply hold a rank on my sexual bucket list.
But, for all of the great moments my sexual adventure has brought me, for the most part all of it has happened with a heightened level of secrecy. There’s so much that we cannot share with family and friends when it comes to that part of our lives; sometimes because of social mores, other times because of personal fear of being judged. I would like to be more open to the people around me about my experiences … because it’s exciting to have someone other than your spouse to share things with and confide in, but I’m just not there yet.
What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, Southern Charms)?
This is kind of a tough concept for me. Part of me wants to say that how certain members of my immediate family have reacted to my decisions (even though I am an adult and capable of making them for myself) has been “weird.” But in the end, I think this particular angle ranks as more “disappointing” than “weird.”
And I’m not sure that I can really focus too much on all the creepy things that have happened since I began this adventure. There have been some creepy emails and bizarre requests, but the delete button has never let me down yet.
I guess the most weird thing – but in a very good way – was admitting to my Office Guy that I did these kind of things online. I have never had anyone, other than my husband and immediate family, know about any of this; the blog, the website, the videos. Especially someone who has been both supportive and surprised.
For obvious reasons, it’s not a popular subject when I get together with my family, so having someone who is sincerely intrigued and enlightened is a wonderful experience.
One of the biggest hurdles, naturally, was opening up the level of trust. Any time you present yourself in a position of vulnerability, you have pangs of fear over whether or not the other person can hold your trust. And thankfully, blissfully and erotically, I have my Office Guy’s trust … but I also know how much more he would like to be on the inside of my “inner circle.” That allows me to be open with him and seek some less-biased advice. Knowing when I want an honest opinion – because as much as I love my husband and I know he loves me, he just can’t always be brutal when I need it – having a fresh set of male eyes to provide advice, insight and ideas is very helpful. I won’t touch on how erotic and sexually exciting it is, but trust me on that.
So, it is a little weird knowing that every day when I go to work, and I see my Office Guy, I know he has seen me at what could be one of my most vulnerable situations. I’ve allowed him to see my website, shared dirty thoughts, allowed him to kiss me, touch me … and I have pleasured myself frequently to the knowledge I have turned him on.
And I think I am counting on a lot more from this … but all in good time.
I have to admit, there are some days when I wonder how much of this talk about my sex fantasies you guys really want to read about. Like everyone else, I flutter between too much information and being far too reserved. And I’m never really sure if you would rather go the route of actual insightful advice, or downright dirty erotic experiences.
For me, this whole thing was designed as an outlet for all those ideas that go on between my ears … and sometimes between my legs. It’s been a way to share on an intimate level with a few people that know, and at times, share thoughts with my partner that I could never openly verbalize.
But, I am hopeful that you are enjoying all it.
On the weekend – which if you followed any of my Twitter updates – I was partly in recovery mode from a little too much indulgence in tequila-mixed margaritas. And while cozily camped out in my comfy not-so-sexy pajamas in the corner of my couch, I had the chance to read a few things from those trashy women’s magazines that I love (and hate) so much.
As a woman, it’s important to be seen (by those who matter in an intimate sense) as desirable. We want to feel loved, needed – and lusted over. It’s a big part of how we define our sexual side. And on the good side for you guys, when we feel all those emotions from you, the rewards tend to be significant and valuable for our relationship together.
I’ve worked relatively hard at being more open-minded in my personal life, and actually expressing the sexual fantasies that go on inside of me. Some are relatively tame in comparison, while others have become huge bucket list items in my life regardless of how complicated it may be to turn them into reality. So when I read this bit about the top five fantasies women have, I thought it might be a good thing to share.
Here 5 common female sexual fantasies from the Good In Bed blog, and a look at where they come from:
- Sex with a stranger. In a 2001 study published by The Journal of Sex Research, 80 percent of partnered women said they had fantasized about someone other than their partner during sex in the previous two months. Why? Because, while sex within the context of monogamy can be totally hot, it’s hard to replicate the intensity of the initial chase. Fantasizing about someone new is a way of recalling how fantastic it felt to be so obviously pursued.
- Being dominant in bed. While it may seem counter-intuitive for a woman to want to take charge when what they’re really craving is the feeling of being desired, the dominatrix scenario actually revolves around the man worshipping the woman’s body, and begging her for attention.
- Exhibitionism. In this scenario, a woman not only gets to enjoy sex with her partner, but also gets to enjoy the knowledge that someone else (or several someones?) is feeling aroused by watching her in action.
- Being sexually ravaged. Sometimes known as rape fantasy, this particular desire is not necessarily what you think. How many spicy hot movie scenes have you enjoyed in which the man pushed the woman up against the wall, forcing a kiss upon her? The thought of a man so bursting with desire is an undeniably a turn on for some women.
- Enjoying a threesome. Being worshipped and adored by two different men – or a man and a woman – can be twice as nice.
“So don’t fear your fantasies. Enjoy them. Use them to heat things up in the bedroom. And remember: There is a clear difference between fantasy and reality. And sometimes, a wacky fantasy is just hinting at another, perfectly normal desire within you.
“Too many of us feel guilty about our fantasy life, whether because we dream about someone other than our current partner or because our imagination runs wild with behavior we would never condone in real life.
“The truth is, a healthy fantasy life is one key to a great sex life – and your partner might not always play the leading role. Fantasy isn’t the sad daydreaming of the lonely, forlorn or frustrated in love. Research shows that people with active fantasy lives are more sexually satisfied, more sexually responsive and more adventurous about sex in general. Not bad.”
Over the weekend, this was a particularly prominent topic in my conversations – probably because of a couple of events that have occurred in my life lately, and another fleeting and slightly clandestine opportunity on Friday afternoon.
And, as I kind of poked around on Sunday, feeling a little green from a few too many sips of my Saturday night margaritas, I read this bit about sharing thoughts on ideas, such as the seven deadly sins, being naughty, and how one of those sins might also be one of my greatest virtues. For example, what bad thing could actually make me more appealing?
For me, and I don’t want anyone to hurt themselves trying to figure things out, I would say it would be lust.
- Lust is a big part of what makes me feel alive, and helps me enjoy being a woman in her sexual prime.
- Lust is my personal reward for playing the role of sex object in another person’s eyes.
- Lust is fantasizing about one’s desire, usually in a sexual way.
- Lust is what challenges the conventions that separate society’s idea of the “good girl” versus “bad girl” or “the angel” versus “the slut.”
To say lust is a sin is just as baffling as saying window-shopping is a sin, or buying a new car is a sin. To suggest that wanting something in life is sinful is based on someone else’s perception of what should be right and should be wrong. To assign religious and social stigma, to me, is equally sinful.
But when it comes down how we relate to each other, and my sheer enjoyment of the male gender, I try hard to be someone that doesn’t get too hung up on the relationships between the sexes; which is probably why I am comfortable with lust. But I also think that, as unfair as it is, women are somewhat allowed to express/pursue their lustful desires a bit more than men. Men tend to get painted, equally as unfairly, as pigs and perverts if they dare mention even the slightest thing.
I was reading this particular blog from a site known as the Good Men Project and found that there seems to be a great deal of despair among men at how modern society views their somewhat instinctive feelings when it comes to members of the opposite sex.
The author writes: “Nearly all men (and most women, I’d wager) walk the line between repressing and expressing their physical lust. This isn’t a fundamentalist attitude, it’s common sense. Most men over the age of 15 have long since learned that ogling a woman’s chest is a good way to get smacked upside the head. This has nothing to do with marriage customs and everything to do with social pressures.”
I think a great deal of the problem in being someone able to express their lust is how our social mores have removed the individual’s choice in perception. Workplace policies and social pressures have been carved in stone to prevent men and women from even being able to do the simplest of things such as paying a member of the opposite sex a compliment.
In the end, lust is nothing more than a simple human emotion of desire and wanting. Sure, it is a primal sexual emotion most of the time, but don’t even think that I can’t lust after a delicious cheesecake as much as I can a great looking guy. I encourage it … and I like to know about it. I guess that level of openness with the men in my life is what elevates this to a virtue, because they can rest assured that I’m game for their playful thoughts and desires.
At the end of the day, I won’t hold you accountable for your lust, as long as you don’t judge me for mine.
The moment I stop desiring and wanting to experience all life has to offer me – particularly in a sexual fashion – then I move from being associated with the ancient notion of committing one of the seven deadly sins to committing one of my own: having a sexual hang-up.
Of course, I’d rather not discuss the one virtue that I struggle with on a greater level: patience …
February turned out to be one of those months where hibernation just wasn’t possible. Normally we hide indoors because here in Canada February is typically when the temperature drops to a miserable level and there’s just nothing sexy about it.
But this year things have been much different thanks to some bizarre weather. It’s actually turned out to be a very socially busy month, with no signs of stopping as we hit the last weekend! Tonight my husband is taking me to an event in the city that we always enjoy – especially because it is strictly about sex. Sexapolooza is a consumer trade show featuring pretty much all things related to getting busy, and a wide variety of kinks. It’s usually an expensive night for me …
Then tomorrow we are attending a party for a friend’s birthday – once again, a chance to get out and let loose. So, it was a little timely that an online friend asked me this a while ago … and now I get to share my answer.
When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally under-dressed or overdressed?
I have to say, I would rather be caught overdressed for any event – party or otherwise. And that’s a stretch, because I also believe that you can’t really be overdressed for anything if you have a sense of style and the confidence to carry it off.
Obviously there will always be those people who will awkwardly point out the obvious: “What are you all dressed up for?” To which I find a good reply is: “After the party, my husband is taking me to meet some well-endowed stud at a ritzy hotel for a night of …”
You get the idea.
Most social situations will allow for someone who has put forth a bigger effort in their appearance. I’m not about to slip on my sexiest LBD to head out for a night of drinks and conversation at the neighbours, but I would definitely not hit the fundraiser gala scene in my work scrubs and no make-up.
As a woman, dressing up is something deeply attached to our childhood and our innocent fantasies. It’s why we played “dress up” as little girls. Now as adults we get to slip on that gorgeous dress and be a “princess” for a night. Not in attitude, just to be the woman that turns heads when she walks into the room.
Plus there is the “adult” side of it too. We get to, maybe, wear those really sexy panties and knock-out heels for a night; whisper into our date’s ear about whether or not the panties will stay on until we get home, or if he can hold on to them for us. And don’t kid yourself, every woman who has ever slipped on a sexy dress wants to catch a man other than her date checking her out … for me, that is a huge reward for the night because it touches me both in an self-esteem building way knowing I can still attract a man’s attention, and it hits me right between my legs because I also like to know that maybe he is thinking something naughty too.
Of course sometimes where I live, over-dressed is a necessity – such as parkas, mukluks and mittens. But that might just be a stereotype of how cold Canada gets in the winter.
In reality, I’m not the kind of person who gets caught in the idea of being “overdressed” too often. In my real life, I’m actually a very casual person … much to my husband’s frustration. He’s the kind of man who has a sense of fashion and wishes I would push the limits a bit every now and then.
Although, it has been working for me at work lately …
I was chatting with a friend about how I occasionally battle blogger’s block when trying to come up with something intriguing for you guys to read each week. And so when he posed this question, I thought it was a real coincidence because it wasn’t all that long ago that my husband and I were having a bit of tormenting fun in the bedroom when I dished on this idea:
Have you ever masturbated while driving, if so what did you use to stimulate yourself?
The little game my husband and I were playing a little round of “tell me something I don’t know.” Basically, we rely on the heightened level of emotion and intimacy to share little bits about our sex life that the other person doesn’t know … or isn’t supposed to but may suspect. For example, my husband admitted that he could tell when I had masturbated by sneaking the occasional peek into the drawer on my night table where I keep my favourite sex toy. It’s a great way to keep the communication going, while having one hell of a steamy romp in the sheets.
It’s usually during these moments when I learn an awful lot about the male psyche and their obsession with all things sex. Such is the ultimate power that comes with being talented when it comes to fellatio.
Anyway, as this particular session focused a lot on sharing about masturbation, I admitted when he asked me about the last time I masturbated outside of the house that I have enjoyed a bit of self-loving while driving to work. Given that part of my commute has me on a major highway with a lot of truck traffic, the exhibitionist in me delights in the opportunity to put a smile on some trucker’s face.
While I may be enjoying my sexual prime, and the adventure that it has been bringing, I am still very much a safety girl … sort of. Masturbation behind the wheel for me involves only what I have on hand in the car. In other words, only my fingers (so far). The minor disclaimer is that I, as a passenger, have rocked my O-face with the delightful vibrations of a sex toy.
Of course, the sheer thrill of that exhibitionism also serves to improving my wardrobe: by making wearing skirts even more exciting.
Now I wonder just how many of those big rig guys have a thing for stockings …