Category Archives: erotica
I can’t say there’s an awful lot about me that would be considered “kinky.” I enjoy sex, and many variations of it, but I’m not a role-player type, definitely not a frequent dabbler in BDSM … and I’ve never been one for spanking, humiliation or degradation.
No, my sexual kinks may be more easily defined in the pursuit of vanilla sex in a less than conventional manner. I like it missionary, I like it doggy-style … I just want to explore with outside of the contemporary view of marriage and monogamy. Kink to me implies lots of leather and kitchen utensils; cosplay and characters – things I’m basically not turned on by.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t have an open mind when it comes to whatever turns other people on. On the contrary, I’m rather intrigued by it all. And so, with this week’s TMI Tuesday, we have a few random kinks to work on … along with other thoughts.
1. You have been asked to organize a sex & kink weekend. Will you be more of a “hands-on” person or more of an “ideas” person?
I’m an idea person. I think my creativity far out-distances my willingness to be hands on.
2. Assuming you are the hands-on type at this weekend sex romp, and you’ve entered a tent to ‘play’ with a male/female couple. Would you like to be given clear instructions before you begin to ‘play’ or do you prefer to be given the general idea of the task and work it out your own way.
In situations where the “hands on” aspect is important, I still like to let the moment develop on its own. I’ve found if you stick to the “script” too closely, you’re more libel to miss out on what could have been because you were so focused on trying to ensure the moment followed the plan you laid out in the first place. You miss those little nuances that could take it in a whole different direction. The best things in life – especially when it comes to sex – come from those unexpected left turns.
3. True or False. “During sex, I like to hear and accept feedback.”
False. During sex I like to hear a little dirty talk, lots of moaning, groaning, heavy breathing and the occasional “Oh fuck yes!” However, AFTER sex, I’m all for a little post-mortem of the moment. Let’s find out what worked, what was hot … what was too much and what was “yeah, let’s never speak of that again.”
4. What are you wearing right now?
Seriously? What female blogger worth her weight in chiffon is NOT sitting at her computer answering these questions in an amazingly sexy lace teddy from (insert your favourite lingerie company) with garters, black stockings with the seam that runs all the way up the back and her favourite pair of patent-leather 5-inch stiletto heels? And while I’m pondering the answer to each question, I’m flirtatiously playing with my rhinestone necklace and wondering if I could get that unbelievable hot delivery guy to flirt with me tomorrow if I left my wedding rings at home.
But while you mull that over, I’ll just cuddle up with my laptop on the couch while wearing my comfy yoga pants and t-shirt. And yes, I have underwear on underneath, but I honestly can’t remember if it matches my bra.
5. I show loyalty to my lover by ________ .
Never hiding a thing from him when it comes to our sex life, my desires and my fantasies (mostly). I show loyalty by being unwaveringly open with him, sharing the responsibility of initiating conversation around our sexual (and non-sexual) life together.
But mostly by honouring the commitment we made to each other over 20 years ago; and working on our relationship in good times and even harder in bad times – and NEVER diminishing what we have worked so hard to create together.
Plus, he’s never once complained about the occasional blowjob …
6. Do you always have to argue?
If you argue fair, it can be productive and progressive … HOWEVER … if you communicate on an adult level all the time, and recognize that relationships are not scripted perfection, the arguments are actually more healthy discussions with less vocal volume. A healthy relationship, if you ask me, also includes a willingness to allow a difference of opinion without judgement AND an agreement to occasionally disagree.
BONUS: Pick up the closest book to you, open it to page 55. The first line on that page reads:
Document collaboration means working with others to create, review, and revise a document to achieve the best end result.
Sorry folks, just finished a computer course at college and my textbook was just that much closer than the collection of erotic fiction for women by women. But if it’s any consolation, I’ll probably read a bit of that tonight before bed and then masturbate to the thoughts swirling around in my imagination.
Some time ago, I wrote about how the laws had changed where I live regarding work visas for exotic dancers. The government clamped down on granting such visas to foreign women who come to Canada to earn a living as a stripper. The strip club owners, in turn, made a big splash about how this would limit the number of available dancers for their stages, and how they would now be forced to recruit young college-age women to fill the need.
On and off, the conversation around this has continued among some of my coworkers – surfacing recently when one went off on a rant about how her husband joined his friends for a few drinks at one. That rant is best saved for another day, but regardless, I always enjoy when these topics begin swirling around because I can occasionally shock the shit out of people by chiming in with an opinion they surely didn’t expect.
Well, you have to amuse yourself somehow …
All of this reminded me of an article I read a couple years ago about how in this economic struggle we are in, some women are turning to exotic dancing and adult entertainment as a way to make ends meet. The lure of a potential annual income of $100,000 to $300,000 annually in some of the premier men’s clubs – even in tough times – appears to be too much to resist.
I think I also shared way back then about how, given the right opportunity, blend of alcohol and distance from my home, I might be encouraged to get up for an amateur night. Now, far from being judgmental about it, I did find it interesting to read because it is something that tells what I see as a bigger reality out there. If you consider that this current recession is the first one to occur at a time when women are truly independent. Even some 20 years ago – when I was but a wee girl – the mentality wasn’t nearly as accepting. Not that I would suggest it has changed dramatically, because I am certain that many of these ladies are still facing the scorn of a drunken crowd … and a few angry wives.
But it is intriguing because, at a moment in time when the idea of “amateur” holds a particular appeal, here are housewives, bank tellers and former corporate types, doffing their panties on stage and shaking what Momma gave them.
The article said clubs, adult magazines and porn producers are seeing an influx of applications from women who have college educations and were previously well employed. Some have even used their past as part of their onstage personas to underscore the changes … and appeal to that certain fetish about seeing the boss in her business suit strip down.
I know it works for me when I get all dressed up in professional attire and reveal teasing glimpses of naughtiness under my hemline. And I love how my Office Guys react when I put on my best suit for work.
I suppose for some, the idea may seem somewhat desperate. But given that all of us – men and women – get naked at least once a day for free, is it so bad to try to make the best of the moment and benefit financially? I’m not sure I have an answer, but I can see the appeal … just from my own experience I have noticed that more and more of the guys I have talked to like the idea of “amateur” over “professional.” There’s just something more erotic about seeing the “real girl next door” naked than the one’s airbrushed and pretending they could live on your street.
Had you asked me a dozen years ago if I ever imagined myself being even remotely involved in the “adult entertainment business,” I would have scoffed and said “not a chance.” Obviously, with the passing of a few years, my thoughts on that have changed dramatically.
I don’t think many women ever grow up dreaming to be in porn; although I suspect more than a few of the younger generation are much more willing to exploit it for what they can these days.
That said, I still don’t consider myself to be a “porn star” of any kind. Quite honestly, I’m just a “girl-next-door” with a slightly kinky and anonymously public hobby. And some days I’m not sure that we’re even really remarkable at doing that much. My website isn’t exceptionally dynamic – the images and some of the content I post there are unique to me, but I know there are other sites offering way more than I do. I guess how I do see my site is that you get the chance to slip away from the “air-brushed perfection” of most Playboy models and get to see the reality of a very normal Canadian woman.
That is really the premise of “amateur porn.” Yes, as a model my hobby does bring in a little extra disposable income; but trust me, there are no plans for me to retire to the glamourous shores of southern France. Amateur porn has certain grown in popularity and availability thanks to the Internet. And technology has also helped improve the quality of what we can offer. My very first “naughty” photos ever taken were on the “hush hush” platform of Polaroid!
And so, from a model and participants perspective, I have been able to see how the secret world of Internet porn has changed over the past several years.
As I get to know a few of my fans – and truly some have become longtime online friends – the question seems to occasionally come back to me about the kind of “porn” that captures my attention from the “consumer” side.
I was in my teens when I first saw any mainstream porn. My parents were among the first to install one of the original satellite dishes, and with the programming package came Playboy TV. My brother certainly was thrilled! And, I don’t mind admitting that I also enjoyed some of the shows from a “curious” perspective. I certainly saw a lot of things that made me go “hmm” and even a few that made me go “mmm.”
But as I grew up, and became more sexually open and adventurous, mainstream porn didn’t really appeal to me. Like a lot of women, I found it was generally about some fake-titted blonde getting hammered by all kinds of men over the span of about 90 minutes. After about five minutes, even the best of these “epics” tend to become routine. I wanted something that had a plot – or at least something close to a plot.
What I wanted from porn was something to engage my imagination. As much as I would like to think getting pounded by six different guys on the office desk would be sexually fun, watching an actress fake her way through 90 minutes of supposedly amazing sex just for the sake of getting pounded by six different guys in black socks doesn’t capture my imagination.
I then discovered a whole new line of porn, made by women for women. The getting pounded on the office desk scenario came with a story that helped set the stage for a fantasy I could almost believe in.
And that’s really where I want my porn to go … I love watching the sex, but I want to enjoy a little mind fuck along the way. I want to know how and why she ends up on the desk, and what is it that makes her lust for that moment. Women need to have that level of attachment to the moment – we need to be able to imagine ourselves in that setting, and we need to understand the reasons behind it. We don’t want to be just a receptacle for a bunch of muscled male actors who never seem to understand that leaving your socks on for sex looks damn silly.
Unless you have been living in a straw shack in the forest for the past few months, you’ll know that it’s been virtually impossible to escape the literary phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. The book, and you already know my take on it’s literary value, has dominated conversations from coast to coast and beyond – plus raised a new interest in people exploring their sexual fantasies.
For me, personally, the book did provide a pleasant distraction from the realities around me … but I also tend to be a voracious reader and power through a book in a matter of days. I can’t say the subject matter in the E.L. James trilogy changed my mind about the world of submission and domination, but it wasn’t completely uninspiring for a few fun experiences in the bedroom – and a new set of wrist restraints from my hubby.
Anyway, in keeping with those thoughts, this week our TMI Tuesday theme touches on the world of bdsm, pain, and humiliation … a la Fifty Shades.
If any, I would lean towards b), titillating and sexually arousing. I think I’m just a little beyond the “curious” stage in my sexual experience – which has also firmly placed me in the category of not being someone who gets off on any kind of sex act that involves screaming in pain or crying.
I think a consensual level of restraint and force can be erotic and exciting … perhaps a hint of spanking harder than a love tap, biting in the right spots and the right moments. One of my more popular videos – Sex Toy Punishment – hints at forced, not-exactly-consensual sex. And not that long ago, I blogged about my fantasy to be “forced” into sex; but right now there are some issues with my partner in fantasy crimes over his beliefs on being aggressive in such a fashion. Most days his thoughtful and gentlemanly nature is a virtue … but there’s the occasional day I wouldn’t mind him being a forceful sexual deviant. Just for fun, of course.
Humiliation has never been anything of a turn-on for me. Outside of my sexual adventure and the fun stuff I escape to on here, I have spent the better part of my oldest son’s academic life dealing with continued bullying. And when you see just how much the actions of others can tear another person down for no reason other than to make themselves appear better, you recognize that nothing positive comes from it. So when I see someone who is being subjected to verbal abuse, degradation and ridicule – even in the realm of sexual excitement – it upsets me terribly. In my own personal space, sex is meant to build someone up; to boost their confidence, share sense of intimacy and stoke the fires of passion and desire. So, with that in mind, to erode someone’s self-esteem at the expense of some twisted sexual game has just never been my thing.
Along the same lines of emotional pain, physical pain is just not a sexual delight for me. Even as a teenager, I always found the “badges of lust” such as hickeys to be a little off-putting. Thankfully I never really dated anyone that found them to be part of the “rites of passage” in youthful passion.
Personally, outside of maybe the occasional mishap, and one time when the handcuffs were too tight for too long, the only sexual marks I can think of that had any lasting visibility was some rug burn … on my knees … use your imagination from here on in.
I think it all depends on the situation, and to the degree of “sexual things.” Is it something that is going to challenge the limits of my relationship and trust with my partner? Then no. In reality, my mind has to be into the whole moment – even with some of those things that don’t rank high on my list of orgasm-inducing interludes.
I think this is probably one of the kinky areas of my sexual psyche that I am willing to explore and accept quite openly. The downside is that it wouldn’t be all that “forced” because I would love to see my husband with another woman. And having said that, I am extremely confident in saying I don’t have to worry about being forced to watch him with another man – neither of us are into the male-on-male scene.
I have a fun fantasy about being restrained in a chair set beside the bed and only being able to watch as he and another woman have sex. I get exceptionally turned on by the idea of watching him do all kinds of naughty things to her, and her doing all kinds of naughty things to him … maybe every now and then they stop doing what they are doing and force me to have a taste or one of them gives me a wet, deep tongue kiss right after they have been giving the other person some oral. Yowza, serious masturbatory moments in those thoughts.
I can’t honestly say that our sex talk goes anywhere particularly inappropriate. We both love to mind fuck with each other while we are in the moment, but more times than not, it involves the sexual fantasies we have shared openly with each other. Name calling is very rare – again because we both view sex as being something to build up each other, and to recognize the passions, desires and naughty thoughts we have. It’s just never been our thing to degrade or belittle just for the sake of taking the sex to a raunchier place.
BONUS: Finish this statement: I like being powerful in bed because it reminds me that I can be a sexual equal; and that there is nothing wrong with being a woman who enjoys being something more than the recipient of his sexual interests.
Recently, I have been getting my Grey on … as in reading the bestselling trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey. I won’t get into the debate over the literary reviews the series has received … because, quite frankly, too many people are making too much of the books.
Yes, they are quite graphic. No, they won’t rank among the best literature ever produced. But I’m not sure that’s what is intended anyway. The books are meant to entertain, amuse – maybe fuel the libido a little – and provoke questions in the minds of the readers. They are not meant to rest upon a shelf beside Hardy, Hemingway and Shakespeare.
The books delve into the sexual kinks of the two main characters, and the lead male’s particularly fondness for BDSM. The young female, inexperienced in sex, struggles with the dominant/submissive lifestyle – which makes up for a whole chunk of the plotline between the two. Unlike others of the same genre – delightfully labeled “mommy porn” by those aspiring novelists working at newspapers across the continent – Fifty Shades reaches a deeper into the sexual psychology between characters.
One of the successful elements author E.L. James has touched on is that slightly over 1/3 of women have fantasies of being dominated by their partner. That I find more intriguing …
In a 2011 survey, 35% of women listed “being dominated by a boyfriend/husband” as their number one fantasy.
I can’t say the idea ranks as my top fantasy, but I am certainly intrigued.
One of the biggest challenges for me would be the surrendering of control enough to be considered a submissive; but I am also now sure that I am particularly suited for a dominant role either. In my real life, I find a balance between the two. I’m also not particularly into “role playing” for sex, although I have certainly tried it.
While the real aficionados will say that this is not so much about role play, but about bringing forward those repressed desires, I see it as something beyond what my imagination is ready for at this point. I don’t know if I really have any “repressed desires” that involve submission. And sadly, I think the “repressed desires” I have on the dominant side don’t involve using those floggers in a sexual way. Let’s set those aside as “occasional homicidal desires” for when certain bitches want to interfere in my life.
I suspect most women, when they are suggesting this is their biggest fantasy, have the idea of light bondage in mind: being tied down with his silk ties, being teased while blindfolded and hearing him describe really naughty things as he torments her physically. The idea of trustingly surrendering control – even though it may be just the binding of our hands – is the titillation. I don’t imagine in this survey, a St. Andrew’s cross is what they really have in mind.
For me, an idea to be explored … perhaps? Maybe my own brilliant Fifty Shades of Andee for some bedtime reading!