Monthly Archives: August 2014
When it comes to my own orgasmic pleasure, I don’t think it’s any secret that I am particularly fond of some battery-operated assistance. I’ve written about, photographed and filmed moments involving my vibrator.
So when I found this fun infographic from va-va-voom.com, I thought it might be both educational and motivational to learn a little about the buzz that gets me off. My own history with the vibrator ranges from the very basic, double-C-cell spike, through to the every popular turbo rabbit and an assortment of intriguing devices in-between.
Regardless, the whole purpose around them is to produce the same end result … a result I will probably be exploring while you’re learning.
If you’ve been hanging out with me lately, you will have noticed the abundance of lingerie photo shoots I have been doing. Lingerie is something I have a great passion for, not only because it makes me feel sexy, but because I know how much certain men in my life enjoy seeing me wearing it. I’m very spoiled, and have no issues admitting to that – but I’m also very happy that I’m able to bring some pleasure and excitement to our time together.
This is a fun infographic I found that talks a little about lingerie, and some women’s thoughts on it. I figured it would be a fun way to spend a few minutes, just in case you happen to like lingerie as much as I do!
And by the way, I lean between black and red … black has that mysterious allure (and is figure-forgiving), while red is sexy, passionate and hints to the very naughty side of me when I’m wearing it.
By no stretch of the imagination am I an expert in sexual psychology, or even at giving professional relationship advice. But the one thing I believe I have a pretty good grasp on, after almost 15 years of sexual exploration and adventure with my husband, is how important fantasies can be to a marriage. Not only do they help connect you on a physical level, but they also play an important role in helping you understand where your partner’s thoughts are when it comes to what gets them going.
Recently, I “forced” my dear husband to open up about his sexual fantasy involving a certain co-worker of his. They have spent the past couple years building a friendship that includes occasional flirtations, innuendo and personal revelations. For him, this has been a major accomplishment, since most of the past several years have been focused solely on my own sexual fantasies – and the pursuit of them.
To hear him talk about his thoughts was an amazing turn-on for me. As I listened to him describing in detail his naughty thoughts about the woman at work, I began to recognize how much I had missed being the one doing the listening. It was one of the best sexual connections we had in many weeks.
And so, as I spent the next couple days quietly enjoying my newly fired-up imagination and visions of him doing some of the naughty things he described to me during sex, I started to think about how much those moments make our connection even stronger.
5 ways sexual fantasies will enhance your marriage
1. They build an emotional connection.
When you open up about your sexual fantasies, you allow yourself to reveal some of your vulnerability. At the same time, you’re also revealing that you are an emotional, thinking sexual creature with desires beyond the “white bread” reality of another wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am roll in the hay. You’re inviting someone into your creative mind, where your desires live … and the passion that drives you as a sexual person.
Sex has the great ability to be both physical and emotional – and personally I find great sex requires that kind of emotional connection where the mind is engaged as much as the body.
Part of me also thinks this could be the big difference in what makes a marriage successful or not. Many couples I know say they barely talk sex, never mind lighting the match of sexual arousal by revealing even deeper thoughts to each other. I wonder how much they must be missing in their lives with each other; plodding along not knowing what makes the other person tick on a sexual level. To be open to sharing on this level, to shed the fear of judgement and embarrassment is extremely liberating.
2. They build a sexual connection.
There are times when couples just don’t seem to be in sync sexually. The multitude of stresses that pull us away from the important things in our life quickly manifest themselves in the bedroom. Sexual fantasies, and the ability to feed your imagination, help overcome those times when you struggle to find the energy and motivation to get busy. By knowing that each of you have certain sexual fantasies, you can draw on those thoughts as a way to enhance and increase arousal.
Sexual fantasies also help you come to terms (and understanding) of your own sexuality. For the longest time I repressed my bisexual curiosities, until I confessed to my husband I had a certain sexual fantasy. That opened the flood gates for me to explore and discover so much about myself – something I probably would have never done, had I not found the courage to open up about it.
3. They serve as insight into your partner’s sexual desires.
My husband will occasionally let me into his private realm of sexual thoughts – when, as mentioned above, he is almost forced into confessing. Not that he is hiding anything from me, but mostly, I’m a very spoiled woman who has been lucky to be married to a man who delights in feeding my sexual fantasies. But that leaves me not always knowing what gets his engine going in those moments when he’s lost in his own head; or sees that woman at work.
Because men and women are very different beasts, knowing what and how your partner’s libido gets fired up helps tremendously in building a strong, healthy relationship.
Hopefully the insight doesn’t lead to anything frightening.
4. They open the door to even better communication.
Hey, let’s be honest – if you can express some of your deepest, most sexually-driven thoughts to your partner, then you can have those easy conversations that seem to bog down a relationship. Sex remains one of our culture’s biggest taboo subjects. Actually talking about it already places you ahead of so many others.
By opening yourself up, and discovering that your fears about being judged and rejected for your sexual thoughts are unfounded, trust and confidence can be built up in the relationship – making it an even stronger union, ready to face the challenges that await a marriage outside of the bedroom. And trust me; most of those are way tougher than talking about stockings, lace and wild threesomes.
5. They bring refreshing heat to the bedroom.
Some people might call it spice, others say creativity … it doesn’t matter how you look at it, sexual fantasies can heighten some of those intimate moments and draw the mind into the act, along with the body. They give you an outlet for that pent up frustration, create a mental playground for raunchy intimacy and, frankly, make us all that much more interesting as individuals and couples.
Sadly, the Internet is rife with more advice on how damaging fantasies can be to a relationship versus offering insight on how to build a more intimate connection with your spouse through understanding what gets them going. Hopefully you can find the way to shun the naysayers and discover your sexual self and your collective kink. When you do, your relationship becomes an amazing adventure unto itself.
Hey there! I know not everyone could join in last Friday for my first-ever Twitter chat, so I have archived the questions for those who wanted to catch up with what people asked me, and some of the answers I gave. I think I’ll definitely do this again, probably in the fall, so that should give you lots of time to come up with some intriguing questions to throw my way.
To help add a bit of context to some of my answers – especially since Twitter only lets you use 140 characters, I’ve included some links to previous thoughts and ideas on some of the topics that came up. Hope you enjoy!
Something that never fails to turn me on? Kissing. A hot, lots of tongue, passionate kiss always hits me between the thighs
Do you have a favorite part of foreplay?
Foreplay favourite? Toughie…either the build up with oral #sex, or when a man uses his long, probing fingers in/on me
Foreplay and engaging the mind is a huge key in great sex…the imagination is your greatest sex toy @StayGoldJersey
What’s your favorite position?
Favourite position? Hands down, I am a doggystyle sex girl. Love, love, love getting it from behind and bent over.
Have you ever dated someone famous?
Famous boyfriends? Not really, although hubby’s former job was very public and he was/is somewhat well-known
If you divorced, would you consider marriage again?
Re-marry? Don’t think I would…but I’d definitely be enjoying singlehood and exploring the idea of friends with benefits
Is there anything you’d change about your looks with plastic surgery if you could afford it?
Plastic surgery? Only thing I’d consider would be having the girls done…not bigger, but put back to the way they used to be
@AndeeSC2 Please don’t let them mess with your nipples. Biggest mistake by women is to let the surgeon cut into them.
I’m doubtful I would ever have the girls done anyway…better things to invest my money in right now @StayGoldJersey
What is the kinkiest thing you have done with yourself?
Kinky self-fun? Nothing outrageous, but I have an affection for long-neck wine bottles and the vibration of a Dyson vacuum
Do you ever wake up your hubby with oral sex?
Oral sex wake up? I have in the past…not a frequent occasion; I prefer things like waking him up with a BJ to be unique
Like least about porn: the fear and reality of having to tell my children someday when the find out @pleasure_spot
What do you like most about doing amateur porn?
Like most about doing porn: the sexual discovery, the adventure and spice it has brought to my marriage (and the attention) @pleasure_spot
Was it your idea to start doing porn, or hubby’s?
Idea to start porn? My husband first brought up the idea, on a dare…I lost, pics posted, started to like the results/attention @pleasure_spot
@AndeeSC2 I never would have guessed you got into this on a dare. Did you already have exhibitionist tendencies?
@pleasure_spot I’ve always been a bit daring… and comfortable in front of the camera. Things grew from there and I kind of enjoyed it
Does your husband ever get jealous?
Does hubby get jealous? Quite the opposite, he loves showing me off and seeing the attention from my fans @pleasure_spot
Will you and hubby ever try “swinging” again?
Swinging again? He’s game. I’ll never say never, it didn’t work out for us the first time…but I still have many curiosities!
@AndeeSC2 I’ve never partook in the activity but I believe the majority of women would be more into #strange then men.
@StayGoldJersey My experience in swinging has shown me that it tends to be a woman in control atmosphere.
@AndeeSC2 Just like in the street, guys better act right or they’re going home with their hand. #truth
How encouraging is/was your hubby in your website?
Hubby and my site? He’s very much a big partner in the whole crime, and I wouldn’t do it without his support and involvement @pleasure_spot
How often do you and hubby indulge in anal sex
Anal sex? Not very often. Depending on the moment, there is sometimes a bit of play, but not penetration very much. @BIGRICHIE7
How long do you plan on being a Southern Charm?
How much longer a Charm? I have no plans to give up my site yet; enjoying the fun & spice it brings to my marriage. @BIGRICHIE7
Can I name one of my sex toys Big Richie?
Naming my sex toys: I don’t actually have nicknames for any of them other than “Oh, my god that’s huge!” LOL @BIGRICHIE7
Do you enjoy sex outside under the moonlight?
Outdoor sex at night? It’s extremely romantic and I have a few times in the past made love under the moonlight. @BIGRICHIE
Do you enjoy giving massage and tug jobs?
Handjobs isn’t something I’ve been awarded any prizes for…word is I give great oral, so I stick with that talent @StayGoldJersey
Favourite lingerie? Right now, my favourite is in my update 428 – sexy red piece from a friend, great stockings @iankeegan27_ian
What is the most public place you have had sex? Given a blowjob?
Public sex? Hmm…pressed against a hotel window overlooking the Las Vegas strip @StayGoldJersey
It was very erotic for me, knowing that if someone looked up, they would see…Vegas being Vegas 😉 @StayGoldJersey
Public blowjob? Driving on the highway is probably the most public, if you looked into the car. @StayGoldJersey
What position is the easiest for you to achieve an orgasm?
Orgasm position? I’m one of those women that needs help, so missionary with my vibrating toy or an amazing tongue @StayGoldJersey
After your first orgasm, is it easy for you to have multiple orgasms?
Multiple orgasms? Used to be easier before kids…but I’m usually good to get another one or two out with help @StayGoldJersey
Are you a loud, dirty talker during sex?
Loud and dirty? Not really…having kids had calmed the volume…but I enjoy good dirty sexy talk @iankeegan27_ian
How often do you have sex?
How often do I have sex? It varies on what life dishes out. An average would be 7-10 times per month @iankeegan27_ian
Where is your favourite place for a man to cum?
Fav place for cum? Love feeling a man deep inside me, but I also enjoy having him cum in my mouth @iankeegan27_ian
What do you like most about your body?
What do I like most about my body? My eyes always get compliments…my legs…but for porn, whatever draws fans! @iankeegan27_ian
Pantyhose? always found them uncomfy, being short, never fit…hubby introduced me to stockings, which I prefer. @silversurfera1
Never really liked them…being short means they rarely fit properly. Thigh highs and stockings produce better reactions @silversurfera1
Have you had sex with anyone other than your husband since you got married?
Since I have been married, the only thing I have done with anyone else has been #oral #askandee @iankeegan27_ian
Sex with someone else while married? Only women…no guys…but we’re not saying it’s off the table 😉 @StayGoldJersey
I say “not off the table” but the reality is, there has to be chemistry for me. Not looking for just a hookup @StayGoldJersey
Have you ever had sex with a member or fan of your site?
Slept with a fan/member? No, I’m happily married and don’t use my site as a way to hook-up. Some do, just not me. @iankeegan27_ian
Do you ever let your fans take you out?
Dating fans? I tried a “meet me” contest a couple times; didn’t really work out that well…might be geography @iankeegan27_ian
And honestly, I’m not adverse to the idea of meeting fans, but it would have to in the right setting and context @iankeegan27_ian
Guys think that because I have my website that I am easy and looking for sex…which is far from the truth @iankeegan27_ian
@silversurfera1 Some people just have a twisted idea of why some women are OK with doing porn
@AndeeSC2 @iankeegan27_ian I imagine it’s hard for people to understand the “dualism” involved with doing an adult site & your “normal” life
I think you nailed it there… and there is even “dualism” in doing a site, amateur versus professional @silversurfera1
So, setting would be public, chaperoned without question and no guarantee of anything but a friendly conversation @iankeegan27_ian
And there you, the best snippets and questions from my first #askandee Twitter chat. Hope you’ll join me again in the fall for my next one!