Sex In My 40s | Start Again

Looking back through comments and questions I’ve gotten, there have been a few that I’ve never really responded to. For example:

If no one judged you, what would you have done differently?

It’s a good question, because you think of how life’s path has led you to where you are today. At the same time, I think we all carry baggage and regrets over decisions we’ve made in relationships, careers, school, and life in general.

For me, I definitely wish I had spent more time when I was young focused on school after high school. Out of my large extended family, my sister, brother and I are the only ones who went on to post-secondary education.

But I get the sense the original question is likely more focused on the decisions I made sexually.

To be clear, I am very happy with how things have turned out. No true regrets.

In the context of the question, though, what would I have done differently?

Easy; I would have experienced sex with far more people. I married a man I met when I was a teenager. And so, my sexual experiences – while delightful – were limited in terms of a playtime partner.

If I didn’t fear being judged, I would have been far more sexually active. I would have had lots of sex, with guys and girls. And sex with more people at the same time. I would have explored far beyond what I did.

Unfortunately, though, our culture doesn’t operate on that level. While men are often congratulated for their sexual conquests, women are labelled and publicly scorned. Even more so in today’s highly divisive “cancel culture”.

It’s fun to imagine we have a world that believes in openness and freedom of the individual, but we don’t. We’re far more judgmental than we’ve ever been.

Andee     xoxo