Sex In My 40s – Swallow Or What?

It’s been a while since I wrote anything about a specific sex act. But then again, I did take an extended break of almost two-plus years on writing blog entries as a whole…

Despite the lack of writing, struggling through a roller coaster ride with my libido, work-related stress and planning for a major life upheaval – not a lot changed in my actual sexual routine. OK, you’re right, there was that eight-month separation from my husband when he moved overseas and I waited on my visa. What did change during that period was my masturbation habits increased dramatically, I had some reunions with my sexual fantasies in my head and rediscovered the thrill of cam-to-cam mutual masturbation.

But other than that …

The reunion with my husband after finding creative ways to keep the fires burning hot while on two sides of the world meant there was definitely some serious catching up on the sexual agenda. Cutting to the chase, that meant two things – lots of intercourse … and oral.

Oral for me has been a long-time delight, both receiving and giving. It was one of the very first sex acts I ever performed, but it wasn’t until I attended a workshop in my mid-20s that it became something of a specialty. I have blogged about that before, but in a nutshell – my radio-personality friend thought one of those “Drive Your Man Wild in Bed” seminars would make for great material, invited me along … she got some fun stuff for her show, I came away truly enlightened and anxious to try. My husband describes it to this day as the best-ever investment he’s ever made (he paid for my ticket to the event so I wouldn’t chicken out).

Blowjobs have been a staple in our sexual relationship – but despite the frequency and ‘willingness’ on my behalf to ‘go down’ – the end result is still somewhat predictable. If I’m not taking him too far, I’m switching up the moment to include intercourse.

So then, someone asked … “do you always swallow, or do you let him cum on your face or tits?”

I wrote about this in the past too – but, you know, talking about sex, blowjobs, stuff like that, is something that I do anyway, so revisiting the whole topic is yet another wonderful distraction in our world gone mad.

Facials – when the man cums on the woman’s face – isn’t something that has been a big part of my personal sexual repetoire. Well, unless you count chin dribbles. And it’s not because of anything deep-rooted in my sexual psyche; it’s actually because I rather like having a man cum in my mouth. You know, I’ve worked that hard to tempt, tease and drive him to the point of no return for his orgasm, I kind of want to enjoy the ‘fruits of my labour’ so to speak.

On occasion, I admit that it can be outrageously exciting to let him unload on me. As a sexual woman, I do find it exciting to watch a man’s moment of release. To see, somewhat up close, his peak moment of pleasure. However, there is some need to be cautious about exactly where some of that lands. Pepper spray is less painful in the eye than cum … just sayin’.

That said, it also took me a while, and a bit of sexual maturity, to arrive at a point in my life where I’ve gotten over the ‘grossness’ of swallowing a man’s cum. For some women, that’s the biggest hurdle in taking a man to completion. I saw the results of a sex survey a while back that said only about nine per cent of women would finish a man off with her mouth … which made a lot of sense to me.

It’s hard to describe the experience of having a man cum in your mouth to someone who has never had the experience. No matter how much warning he gives you, it’s still a surprise when that hot cum spurts onto your tongue, against the back of your mouth … onto your tonsils and back of your throat. If it’s been a while since he’s had an orgasm, that can add a new dimension to fighting the gag reflex! It’s exciting … unique … different every time.

It’s also a little addictive to me. I love the sense of power. Lots of people think a woman giving a blowjob is an act of submission. Trust me, when I have a man in my mouth, hard, horny and anxious for completion … I know who is in control.

A man’s ‘flavour’ is a constantly changing part of the experience too. And each man is different from the next. I can usually tell when my husband has been indulging in certain foods (beers, vegetables and fruits being the most frequent causes of his taste) – and there’s only a smackeral of truth to how some foods will make you taste better, guys. Only a small smackeral; it’s still cum, and it’s still not a gourmet feast.

Something I can say as I explore this world of sex in my 40s … the experience I have gained is making things like this far more interesting than they were in my 20s.

Andee     xoxo

 

Relationships – Secret to Success

Recently I was reading a bunch of different “relationship” questions in an effort to boost my creative juices for writing on my blog. The one topic that seemed to surface repeatedly was the one of “what makes a relationship successful.”

Now, I can only reflect on this from my own perspective, but I think that having a marriage edging towards its 26th year, and a committed relationship with the same man for almost 30, there may be an idea of two on what that key element is.

For me, the easiest quality required for a successful relationship – sexual or not – is kindness. Without kindness, I personally believe there isn’t a very solid foundation for a relationship to stand on. And in kindness, I also mean mutual respect. It’s a sharing of compassion, consideration and openness without judgement.

Any relationship with longevity also relies on very open and honest communication. You have to recognize that you’re co-existing on a most intimate level when you’re in a long term union. You need to have the ability, vulnerability and confidence to share at a level you don’t in any other relationship in your life. It takes a high degree of courage to invite someone so deeply into your inner thoughts – your hopes, dreams and desires. And, of course, your sexual kinks and quirks.

And that’s a very big part of it for me – having the connection, trust, intimacy – but also the sexual honesty. At some point, you need to invite a partner into what makes you tick; what is that truly turns you on. To get there, you need to be able to communicate on a level that is unique.

In my own relationship, it was those conversations that allowed me to emerge from my small-town naivete and recognize that there was a whole other sexual world to be explored.

But here’s a strange thing about being sexually adventurous when you’re in a marriage (well, at any point really, relationship or not): every adventure has an element of failure. When something goes ‘wrong’ – that fantasy doesn’t work out quite the way you pictured it in your mind – it can be soul-crushing. But when you have a strong connection and can talk about things, you are able to see it in a much different light. It becomes less of a ‘failure to launch’ and more of a ‘OK, we tried. What’s next?’ It’s far easier on the ego when you can communicate about your disappointment / fear / dislike / love for something explored.

Andee     xoxo

Sex In My 40s – A New Journey

Something I am trying to rediscover in this new stage of my adventure is my spirit of sexuality. It’s not so much about rediscovering sex as an act of intimacy; that was always there in my marriage. But it’s more about getting back in touch with the women inside me who was full of sexual discovery and imagination.

I’ve heard a lot about how, as a woman ages, her libido changes – and not always for the better. I think I must be one of the biological lucky ones because I never lost my physical desire for sex. What I really lost was my real ability to engage with that part of me. As you reach this certain age of midlife, the demands on you become even more intense – work, family, more work, offline responsibilities, bills, mortgages, growing kids. All of a sudden you find a preference for a sexual routine than an erotic adventure. Your sexy lingerie slowly finds its way to the bottom of your dresser drawer in favour of comfy pants and jammies with a llama print.

Stresses become your obsession as you hit this stage of life – and your questions morph from sexual curiosity to a strange theme of measuring up in life. You ask yourself all those horrible questions of doubt. Some of it, I think, is because our society gauges personal success on the square footage of your home and the emblem on your automobile over the experiential journey. Well, unless you’re hooked on Instagram, then it’s all about your Instafake exotic life and ‘worldly’ travels to Scanton.

Of course, there’s also a new degree of freedom at your feet once you realize those things really don’t matter. You are able to let your mind ‘heal’ from the intense pressure of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of who you should be.

I’m actually looking forward to this new part of the journey. Being able to embrace the refreshed opportunity to explore my sexuality and see what lay ahead is something not many of us can do.

Some of these upcoming entries here will be just about that – my thoughts, experiences and adventures as I discover ‘Sex in my 40s’.

Andee     xoxo

Which Andee is sexier?

Recently on my Twitter account, one of my followers asked me if I felt my 20-something self was sexier than my current self. It’s not the first time someone has posed this question to me, and so it’s not something that I haven’t given much thought to.

I think a lot of it depends on your own perspective of what is “sexy.” Without question, I think the younger me is far more attractive than the current me. She’s thinner, she still has her long brown hair, and life hasn’t thrown as many punches at her yet. I absolutely would love the physical her back. But, she’s also a lot more naive. She has a few more hang-ups and isn’t quite as sure of herself.

The me of today … well … she’s not as ‘pretty’ as that skinny young thing, but she has a lot more life experience. The stresses in her life haven’t been overly kind, but she is comfortable with her sexuality and has no problems exploring what life can offer. She has conquered quite a few of her fears and fulfilled some of her fantasies. Those experiences have given her a lot more courage and confidence.

To me, sexy isn’t just a physical quality. It’s much more about confidence and courage. It’s about being able to follow your own path and hold your head high regardless of your decisions. It’s about being honest with yourself and recognizing that life is meant to be an adventure.

Is the 20-something Andee ‘sexier’? Not quite. She’s the one who is on that incredible journey to discovery. She (in my opinion) is more physically attractive, but she’s no more sexy than the me of today.

Having said that, my new adventure – and the opportunity to discover even more about who I am, and what my relationship with my husband means – will take me even closer to being the ‘sexy’ that I could comfortably admit to: confident, courageous … and maybe able to fit into those naughty clothes all over again!

Andee     xoxo

Overseas Adventure … And More Sex

It’s been almost a year since my last entry on here. So much has changed in my life, especially the fact that my husband and I are now chasing a whole new adventure overseas. It was a very difficult decision to leave everything that was our comfort zone back in Canada – even more so, my children – but we recognize that to live life, you need to go and find it.

I’m hoping the break, the new scenery and the adventure will also help reignite my desire for some sexual exploration. Now firmly planted in the middle of my 40s, I feel the need to find myself again. Not so much the ‘midlife crisis’ thing, but shake off the residual stress from a couple very intense years of working – something that consumed far too much of my soul. I desperately want to rediscover myself – perhaps even reinvent the current version of me.

I don’t mind saying, I’m very anxious to get back to challenging my limits, exploring the depths of my libido – and maybe leaving my darling hubby sweaty and exhausted from trying to keep up with me.

Hopefully I’ll be able to reconnect with my readers here too – I’ve kept a very detailed ‘diary’ of blog ideas, topics and thoughts I want to share.

Andee     xoxo