Monthly Archives: June 2011
Here we are just one day away from the long weekend in Canada. Even though I just had a holiday a few weeks ago, I can say that I am desperate for the time off. The past few months have just been a whirlwind of activity in my household, and putting the brakes on the rush would be a great thing for a few days.
I know it’s a big holiday down south too, on Monday. I have to say, I love how my American friends celebrate July 4…tons of food, friends and fireworks. The best of times always seem to involve those three things!
Speaking of fireworks (in a good way), I was getting into quite the conversation with a girlfriend the other day about “blowing his mind.” She was telling me about some of the intriguing places she has…um…set firecracker off. OK, I’m out of fireworks puns …
We were giggling about those times when we have surprised some of the men in our lives with our oral fixations…and you know me, I couldn’t miss the chance to use that horny moment for sharing. Not to mention all the great memories of when I put my mouth where my money is!
Now keep in mind, the list is not complete…and to use a phrase my hubby always seems to be saying, “it’s a living document.” I guess that means with a little extra effort, it could go to a Top 10 soon …
Five Places I’ve Blown Him
Friends hot tub
For me this was the first true leap into group sex, swinging, swapping … whatever you want to call it. My husband and I had talked about exploring with another couple for a very long time, and after dipping our toes into the idea with friends, we found ourselves naked in a hot tub with them. For the first little while we all just sat, talked, etc. Things heated up a bit when we started kissing, then on the spur of the moment, my hubby got up and sat on the edge of the hot tub. I turned to face him and took his cock in my mouth. A couple minutes later I felt someone’s hand gently rubbing my butt under the water…and then the fingers found that wonderfully delicious spot.
Uh huh…ranks high on my list of memories for fresh batteries.
Car while driving
I think a lot of us have done the backseat thing, but this was a very erotic spur of the moment thing. I had been reading one of those trashy women’s magazines and a reader’s story about when she had surprised her boyfriend with a blowjob while they were travelling somewhere. I found the idea extremely exciting and one afternoon, while my husband and I were driving I reached over and undid his zipper. I started telling him about what I had read as I stroked him to an erection, then shuffled so I could take him in my mouth.
Backyard in middle of the day
Now this may not rank in terms of adventurous, like going down on a guy while riding the elevator at the Eiffel Tower, but there is something to be said about incredibly sensual unplanned moments. This one particular day we were just enjoying a summer afternoon with a cold drink out on our deck. The kids weren’t home, so the timing was in my favour.
Without saying a word, I knelt down in front of my husband and pulled his shorts down to his ankles, leaving him totally exposed. I then set to work on getting him nice and hard with my mouth…and then into the full-on blow-your-mind experience.
To this day I hope it was one of those afternoons when my voyeuristic neighbour was home.
On my family’s boat in the middle of the bay
One afternoon, long before children, my husband and were out on my family’s boat alone…it’s just a little recreational thing with an outboard that the guys use for bass fishing. It was a great summer afternoon, and while my hubby was drowning a few worms, I was sunbathing in my bikini, reading another one of those trashy women’s magazines. The letters, for me, are a bit like your Penthouse letters…I like them because reading them gets me horny. I didn’t really plan where any of the afternoon was going, but I decided that I would take off my top … just to see if he would notice.
I lay there for a bit longer, reading these letters, chatting about them. Soon we were talking about sex and such. Then I went to where he was sitting and sat on the edge of the boat, still topless. He commented about others seeing, and I said something like, “Then they need a real show” and slid his shorts down and proceeded to suck him dry.
College – in a bedroom during a party
So far you have read about all the fun my husband has experienced with my mouth, but here’s one that reveals a little something in me that I’m still torn over…but still use often as sexual fodder when I’m alone with fresh batteries.
I mentioned this in my twitter update yesterday during Sex Confession Wednesday. In college I lived in a house with three guys and another girl. The guys used to throw parties quite a bit and occasionally things would get a little out of hand.
Most weekends I would go visit my fiance at the time and avoid the whole scene. I wasn’t exactly a party-girl at that point in my life. One weekend though, I did have stay at school. And yes, this probably reads a bit like those Penthouse letters of yours.
At the party, I met this cute guy and a couple of us were just nicely flirting, nothing insane…and then one of his drunken friends dared him to show my girlfriend and I his “apparently” large package. The guy was kind of sweet, telling his friend that he was just chatting with us, etc., etc. Well, as guys can be guys … and some of us girls can be easily swayed with a few drinks … things began to get a lot more sexual. Finally my girlfriend calls him out on the dare. Needless to say I was shocked, but intrigued anyway.
A bit more of the verbal this and that, and then we headed to one of the bedrooms because the guy said he would, but not in front of the whole party. We went upstairs, but his drunken buddy bailed for the bathroom and never showed up. So there were the three of us, me and my girlfriend sat on the bed waiting for this guy to show us the goods. He dropped his jeans and goodness, it was impressive.
“Nice, but it’s not hard?” my girlfriend says. I was stunned, shocked, surprised…drunk.
He starts stroking himself and it grows … oh, it grew! My girlfriend is being a typical drunk, giggling and carrying on. Then she bails! I’m sitting there in the bedroom with this guy standing in front of me stroking his cock.
Um…not what I expected from my college education, naïve little engaged farm girl.
And he’s not stopping and I find I’m not moving either, just watching very intently as this guy masturbates just a couple feet in front of me. He asked me if I wanted to feel it, or something like that. I mumbled something back about being engaged and babbling about not … you know … but it looked so incredible and I was really starting to have that horny battle in my head. I think he said something back about touching it didn’t mean intercourse …
So, I let him take my hand and he shuffled a bit closer to me. I wrapped my fingers around it and I remember how hot the flesh of his cock felt in my hand…and how it was big.
As I stroked him just a little, he edged closer. He was pretty much right in front of my face…
I remember saying I wouldn’t swallow … and I still remember how he tasted.
Ug … those bitter bitches at Cosmo are at it again; this time with a feature on how women who had sex before the age of 16 are predisposed to divorce.
My husband has been gently prodding me over our flirting contest. Unfortunately I have not been able to participate fully in the whole thing as my schedule at work has just not played fair. I gather the sense from him that, now with the warm weather settling in, the opportunity for sexier outfits arises …
Well, I’m supposed to be researching the latest data on drug interactions … but since there’s no one else in our library right now, I’m taking advantage of the privacy to check in on my latest obsession!
I asked this friend, why do men seem to think – despite me being happily married and clearly indicating that in just about every part of my website (including the wedding ring in the photos) – that my website is a dating site? His response, while wise and intriguing, left me without a really deep sense of knowing. My friend explained that regardless of a woman’s marital status, men were in constant pursuit of sex. Marriage simply meant an opportunity to obtain sex without commitment. Now, don’t take my paraphrasing as an insult, because I did not take his answer that way.
I’m starting to think that the Cosmo girls are bitter bitches with way too much of a wannabe Carrie Bradshaw complex. It seems that for every little wrong that some famous, or now infamous, guy does they are there ready to burn him, and the whole act of what he did, at the stake.
Take, for example, this political Weiner dog in the United States. I don’t condone his actions, but mostly for reasons that may not sit well with the Cosmo girls.
That isn’t to say I condone his actions. Given his public profession, it wasn’t very smart of him to take photos of his manhood and then send them out to some online friend. Goodness, did none of these guys learn anything from Bill Clinton? Now then, the twist in all of this is that his lack of communication and connection with his (pregnant) wife underscores deeper issues in the relationship. When you begin to hide these kind of sexual secrets from your spouse, you go down a very precarious path.
I’ve been known on occasion or two to challenge societal mores by engaging in naughty chats, e-mails and such … heck, I have over 20,000 naughty photos online. I do that because of the thrill, excitement and ego-boost that it brings to me and the spice to my marriage. But I am not saying that married guys should be sending photos of their junk to every online floozy that logs in, just that the actions that lead men and women into these situations are a little more complicated than a Cosmo column.
The people at Cosmo also added a great little piece on “The Word That Make Him Cheat.” Hmm, so if I say this word I can get guys running every which way? Somehow I doubt that guys are that fickle. But then, I have been surprised by some of you before.
Apparently the big Weiner fell for that most-potent word: “Hot!” Not as in: “Gee, it was hot outside today.” No, he fell right into the trap when some young thing stroked his Facebook with the “H” word referring to a speech he had recently given.
So dangerous is this word that it apparently is the same one that brought down John Edwards.
According to the expert cited by the bitter bitches, men crave to have their insecure bedroom ego stroked more than playful poodle begging for a belly rub. In surveys, apparently you guys have said that you want to hear the same things that really “H” women do on a regular basis. Another source explained a more logical reason for these examples – both of these men are extremely narcissistic and rocking the panties off some college girl from Texas fuelled that ego.
By the way, I think it’s HOT when you buy a membership to my website …
Fortunately in Canada we are able to prevent political downfall because the only time the “H” word should be used with our oft-unattractive politicians is when someone calls for more logs to be thrown on the fire because the flames around the stake are not “H” enough.
Oh, don’t judge me … have you seen the men on our money?
I’m actually not one to follow politics, or even political scandals. But when I see a guy in front of the cameras bubbling like a 6-year-old in the park I am more likely to wonder who the heck pulled one of his nose hairs out. I don’t buy it…if you’re man enough to IM photos of your Oscar Meyer, then you better be man enough to get grilled. (Don’t you love my hot dog analogy!)
But what really stirred my ranting was how Cosmo turns this – and previous examples – into story and advice column drivel bashing all guys. They set their readers up with ideas on how we, as obviously weak-minded women, should never let our guard down around men. Never trust a single one. Yet, never mind that for every one of these Weiners there are hundreds of great guys out there; guys who know how to have fun with their spouse and live life without hang-ups and hidden agendas.
Ok, maybe each relationship has a secret or two, but as humans it’s our nature to hold some potentially embarrassing things – things we think we may be judged on – close to our chest. Heck, the whole game of poker is built on that very idea (and you will want to stop by for my Sexy Sunday this week where I share some poker fantasies). But it reminds me of how we need to work harder at opening the doors of communication between each other in a relationship than we do at opening naughty e-mails from coeds.
And it’s easy for me to say that because my website has pretty much killed any chance of me finding success in politics. Thank goodness because I was struggling with whether or not I should be Prime Minister or amateur porn star.
Judging from the naughty e-mails I get, I think I made the right choice.
Oh, and for the record … rarely watched the show, and Carrie Bradshaw is a fictional character.