Category Archives: Andee
The biggest challenge I’ve had in my sexual adventure is keeping my expectations grounded.
Fantasies, because they live inside our head, don’t have restrictions beyond our imagination. They can be as wild, twisted, delicious or scandalous as we want – because there are no boundaries to keep them contained. It’s only when we roll them out do we encounter the confines of societal mores.
The challenge, should you want to attempt to turn a fantasy into a reality, is keeping your expectations in check and realizing there may be a few honest obstacles to prevent them from being perfect.
When my husband and I began to explore some of our own, the tough part wasn’t in what we wanted to try – it was working through the fantasy and making sure we had an open mind. For example, if your fantasy is to have a threesome, the reality is that sex among three people is complicated … very complicated. It’s not tidy, it’s not coordinated, rarely does it go according to how you imagined – and you need to constantly ensure all three people are enjoying the moment.
A lot of people struggle with the notion of keeping two people in sync, never mind an extra.
We never truly hit my threesome fantasy. We had a two-and-a-half … it was a lot of fun, but still wasn’t the threesome that played out in my head.
We also had a couple of foursomes, which was very complicated and awkward … although outrageously hot. Those experiences didn’t quite play out the way I had pictured either, but because we had committed to keeping an open mind (and being very expressive about our own limitations), they were thoroughly enjoyable.
I best described it, afterwards to my husband, as this: “let’s be honest, you really won’t know what you’re willing to do, or try, until you have that other guy’s cock in your hand (or mouth … or his mouth between your legs).”
You can talk at length about wanting to experience full partner swap, you can imagine it a dozen different ways … but until you’re actually in the heat of the moment, you can predict how things will really play out.
If you don’t want your fantasies to suck … you’ve got to let them unwind in their own realistic way, and keep an open mind as you go.
Back when I was writing a lot more, and publishing some of my erotica for you to read, someone asked if writing sex scenes turned me on.
For me, a lot of the material is based on the sexual fires that burn in my very active imagination. Some of what you read in my stories are very real sexual fantasies of mine; some are fictionalized versions of real experiences, and some are just carefully thought out encounters. For the most part, I try to write erotica that is close to a possible reality. I don’t get too carried away with impossibilities because I want you to imagine that it really is something that is happening.
Sincerity in my writing is important to me … even though the stories are fiction. Because the majority of the stories are built around my online persona, I relate to that character on a very personal level. Because of that, there’s a lot of my desires in them – so, yes, I often get very turned on writing them. In fact, my husband often asks when I might start writing again. I think he enjoys them more than just helping edit and tweaking them so they make sense. Or maybe he just likes it when I’m horny…
When I am writing some of those scenes, it can take several weeks to get the idea to the point I want it to be at. I’ll spend a fair bit of time reviewing, rewriting and self-editing to arrive at how I imagine the scene actually working. I’m one of those people who tries to visualize things before I write it out – so you can imagine what that does to my own libido.
A lot of AA batteries have given their lives for some of those stories!
Writing for me is an outlet; a distraction from the stresses of real life. And with the ebbs and flows in life, I’m not always that inspired to capture those sexual thoughts in a story. These days I have a few ideas in mind, but not as much time on my hands as I used to have.
But, rest assured, when new stories do come about, there’s an awful lot of pent-up sexual frustration, delightful masturbation … and editing … that has gone into them.
I started thinking about this blog post before I actually wrote the #metoo rant … so I had to go back and give this some thought again. The question was originally put to me when I was updating on a more regular basis.
Is our obsession with today’s “celebrity culture” killing our sex lives?
Short and sweet. I think it really is. But it’s tied to a lot of how we’ve allowed the celebrity culture into our lives. It’s not just about another Kartrashian having yet another child with yet another basketball player or rapper that they’re not married to. It’s that, plus numerous other ways we give them credence and power over how we choose to exist in our less exciting worlds.
Think about how much social media plays a monumental role in our validation as people today. Or, our lies.
First, let’s be honest about me. I’m not exactly who you think I am. “Andee” is simply someone I have created, along with the help of my husband and my imagination, to become an online personality. A lot of what “she” shares with you is very real; the experiences, the thoughts, the ideas, the photos. But it’s not all of me. I have many very normal and mundane qualities that rarely surface in Andee. She is the sexual dynamo. She is the brave warrior who flirts shamelessly with coworkers, pursues her bi-curiosities and dresses in stockings and a garterbelt for a day at the office.
She’s the woman you wish lived next door, the woman my husband wished he woke up to every day (he’d say much different, but come on, he’s a horny dog like the rest of you and would love a nothing-but-sexually adventurous wife 24/7), and she’s the woman with unrelenting feminine confidence with a closet full or lingerie and power suits.
She’s not the woman who suffered through a cancer scare, endometriosis and a hysterectomy. She’s not the woman who’s battled through bouts of depression and almost crippling self-doubt. She’s not the scarred survivor of parenthood, filled with doubt and frustration. Her dark days never surface on here …
But things like that aren’t fun to blog about; nor are they ideas that I spent several years wanting to blog about. The sex and relationship stuff has always been my escape; my desire to be better and desired. So, in that sense, “Andee” is a big part of who I am.
Some of her is me, some of me is her. All of it is carefully vetted for the Internet; just like the celebrity lives we live through vicariously on Twitter and Instagram. Edited, cleansed and digitally enhanced.
Is it that difficult to see how these things will change our perspective on sex and relationships? When we only see the carefully concocted moments in brilliant lives, can we even begin to imagine that supermodels fart, or celebrities get that same three-month-long cough our lovely co-worker had last winter and refused to get treatment for?
With the Internet, we have a short cut to fulfilling the advice our parents’ gave us about being anything we want to be. All we need to do is apply the right filter, backdrop or snippets about vacation destinations.
Celebrity lives are no different – except they do that with the intent of drawing us closer to the false flame of belief. We are expected to believe they have perfect lives so we’ll continue to validate their place in society. The pursuit of perfection is in everything they do – the perfect role, perfect partner, perfect look, perfect body … the perfect endorsement deal.
That path leads to a very large part of our society thinking they need to live up to those expectations – and achieve the same degree of perfection … all without grasping the reality. It feeds the fire of “keeping up with the Joneses.”
It’s the “Judge me for the number of ‘likes’” approach to living.
As a result, our culture becomes even more materialistic as people begin to place higher values on things over relationships.
The challenge is to see through that veil and rise above. I’m finding it gets way easier as I get older and let go of the need to be validated by society under these standards.
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
Do you ever see someone – a perfect stranger – and wonder what they would be like as a lover, as a partner … as a one-night stand?
There’s this guy I see most mornings on my drive into work. He stands at the end of his driveway with his young kids waiting with them for their school bus. As much as I can tell as I drive by, he’s a handsome man – and obviously a pretty good father. He dresses somewhat casually, and appears to be fairly fit.
But you know, sometimes my mind takes these little turns and thoughts pop into my head that aren’t exactly vanilla. Here’s this guy, who I know absolutely nothing about as a person, other than in the mornings he is out in all kinds of weather with his kids, waiting. So my mind wanders; what does he do after the bus leaves? Does he work at home? Where’s the kids’ mom? Is she inside all dressed up in naughty lingerie waiting for a morning session of sweaty sex?
Or, maybe, he’s alone. Maybe he wishes there was someone waiting back in the bedroom, dressed in naughty lingerie. Maybe his wife is so wrapped up in her own career now that she’s basically left him to be Mr. Mom.
What would happen if I just pulled into the driveway one day as the school bus passed me?
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
Here we are…some 15 months since we were last together.
I stopped keeping my blog up-to-date because, basically, I had run out of ideas to write about. And, along with that, I had also entered a bit of down-cycle in my own sex life, so some of the inspiration was gone.
That doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with where I’m at. Far from it. It means I reached a very real stage where life took over; things got busy. I couldn’t pretend to be the woman you were reading about anymore. That’s the real challenge with having an online persona that has a limited dimension (let’s be honest, it was all about the sex). When you lose that fire, it becomes difficult to maintain the façade.
I enjoy these cycles though. Even though my sex life at present doesn’t involve swinging from the chandeliers or diving naked into a moaning pile of sexy people in mid-orgy, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other adventures happening. They’re just not as sexy – or worth blogging about here. As sex becomes less wild to write about, other highs and lows emerge. For me those moments were the past few years as a parent to very active teenagers.
Teenagers who didn’t want to know too much about how mom was spending her free time…and I don’t want to bring them into this mix. They’re going to need enough therapy as it is…
The question is now…can I find some inspiration to write again?