Monthly Archives: October 2013
Halloween is one of my favourite times of the year. Not so much for the pagan side of the celebrations, but how the build-up to the day has this magical feel to it, as people let down their hang-ups slightly for a short time. For me, it’s exciting in terms of how we transform ourselves into these characters and expose a little of the deep recesses of our imagination.
A recent party I went to was a perfect example of how the idea of a social masquerade allows us – particularly women – to try on a whole new persona. For some people, that mask is just something of silliness or pop culture – but for others it’s a chance to slip into the slut persona with an excuse. Playing dress-up for such occasions is an outlet and the freedom to explore a desire to be just a bit wilder; to tease men with the fantasy role and become an object of a twisted sexual desire they would rebuff any other time.
I’m intrigued by it; and amused – in a hypocritical kind of way – how some of these women, who lead very respectable lives under the prying eye of a judgemental public, will paint on the tightest sexy cop or naughty nurse costume they can find, pull on the fishnet thigh highs and stiletto heels before strutting around the dance floor with no concern for how others might look upon them. They’ll bump and grind with girlfriends under the drooling leer of zombiefied husbands (men, who lack any creative flair for costuming, trading their non-Halloween “Larry, the Cable Guy” wear for something with an extra rip and a bit of ketchup smeared). For a few hours each year, they forget they spend their days offering financial advice at the local bank branch, seek the utterly shallow sexual objectification and drink it up.
I’m not remarkably different – minus the judgemental aspect and flannelized husband. A part of my life is led in a masquerade dance on the Internet, hoping for extended anonymity, but forced to quietly enjoy the mask I wear daily to keep that part of my life hidden. Micro-mini dresses and stockings don’t gather dust in my boudoir – and my stilettos are spread around the floor, waiting for their next turn to point at the ceiling, the wall, the camera.
But for these women, who relish the chance to play the miniskirted temptress in high heels, come the daylight of November 1, the experiment is over and the plastic handcuffs find their way back into the tickle trunk for another year and the raised eyebrow of sexual objectification disapproval returns to their face. They push that vixen back into hiding deep in their psyche, as if she is caged in solitary confinement.
It comes as a great disappointment to me – much like Charlie Brown who believes this is the year he will kick the football before Lucy pulls it away – that these women will play the tease for something like Halloween but refuse to explore their inner slut the other 364 days of the year; and so willing look down upon those who embrace her.
Or maybe they do and I’m reading too much into it. But with all the focus over the past few weeks regarding the overtly-sexual costume choices available, and social psychologists chiming in on how we’re hurting the women’s movement with thigh high latex boots and sexy witches, I don’t think I’m that far off.
For me, I guess it’s not that simple. But frankly, I’d rather it wasn’t simple anyway … I hate the competition.
I think I have a little bit of a “love / hate” relationship with TMI Tuesday. I love the questions, and discussing so many of the things that swirl around between my ears … but I hate that so much of all this great stuff is something that I can only share online and with a modicum of anonymity. I truly wish more of us could be sexually out there when it comes to our take on life; and less hung-up on the “social mores” our culture places on us.
Absolutely. The marvelous thing about a man’s body is that it gives you so many clues when he is reaching not only orgasm, but that point of no return. His erection grows even harder and that last little pump of blood into his cock makes him swell just a more. Some men also have a habit of flexing their pelvic muscles at the same time, subtle but noticeable – particularly during a blowjob.
Ladies, have you seen your g-spot?
No … firstly, I don’t bend that way, and secondly, as it is an internal spot about two inches inside my vagina, it’s difficult to see even if you can get between my thighs with your face. But, deliciously so, I have discovered it with both my fingers and an assortment of sex toys – and coached a couple men on how they can also use their long fingers to stroke me in all the right ways.
Which sex position do you find most stimulating?
b) Woman on top, facing man
c) Doggy style
d) Other – tell us about it
My personal preference for pure physical stimulation is for doggy style, but since sex can be a multi-layered event, it often involves a variety of positions for a variety of reasons. Missionary offers a much better connection on an intimately emotional level – the ability to share passionate kisses and watch the expression of each other’s pleasure as the act continues. However, the angle of penetration isn’t the most perfect – but let’s be honest, it still feels incredible.
When you orgasm, are you:
b) Make a little noise
c) Yell out!
The closest description in these choices might be b). I’m a bit of a breath-holder, so when I’m in the throes of orgasm, I tend to make breathy noises in between little grunts. Before I had my kids I think I was a bit more vocal, but I’ve never been a screamer.
A lover orgasms quickly, way before you are even close to having an orgasm. Do you stop the sex once he/she has had an orgasm, or do you continue sexual play so you can orgasm too?
Too many people place “timelines” on orgasms; and I know some men who are extremely self-conscious about their performance. I wish more people would see sex as an all-encompassing experience … that the orgasm, while a delightful part, is still just one part of the moment. Sex can be something that goes off quickly when necessary – like say, behind the closed office door of that incredibly handsome coworker when you only have a few minutes to hike up your skirt and let him nail you while you’re sprawled across his desk … or it can be something you stretch out for a few hours on a Friday night when the kids are staying at their grandparents for the night.
Now, my personal experience related specifically to the question – if you’re getting busy with me, everyone goes home happy. So if you finish and I’m only rounding the first turn, sit back and let me entertain you with a demonstration of how this girl masturbates … and feel free to use that long middle finger to stroke my g-spot while you watch.
BONUS: On average, when you masturbate, how long does it take to reach orgasm?
a) Less than 3 minutes
b) 3-5 minutes
c) 5-10 minutes
d) More than 10 minutes
Before I had kids, I could go off like a rocket. But, as many women can attest, after your vagina has endured the physical brutality that is giving birth to a baby, things can be remarkably different. Some days I can spent 20 minutes trying to coax an orgasm out, and other days it will clock in under three. So much depends on my frame of mind, my stress level, my battery power and whether I’m looking for immediate release or if I want to tease and torment myself for a bit.
Every week, one of my favourite bloggers posts a round of “sex news” he’s gathered. Most often it’s highlights from newspaper headlines or scientific research and studies. But this past week, he posted an article supposedly written by a woman that spent a year on Ashley Madison in search of an affair.
The author writes about how she had grown resentful in her (admittedly happy) marriage. Despite loving her husband and children, she found herself trapped by routine and responsibility. Add to that, her best friend was far from helpful or supportive; as she would romanticize the affair she was having in the stories she shared with the author. Only later does the author discover that her friend’s experience was less than ideal.
Rather than reiterate the whole piece, I’ll let you peruse it on your own …
The article was intriguing to me on a few levels. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the thought of meeting a handsome paramour for a no-strings attached sexual romp hasn’t crossed my mind. Serious, after almost 20 years of marriage, it’s not unheard of to have your imagination wander every now and then. You wonder about the choices you’ve made and question your arrival at where you are in life.
Equally so, there is a level of excitement about meeting a potential suitor; the excitement of the newness, the posturing of first dates, the delightful awkwardness of first kisses and the sexual electricity if the chemistry is there. I get that. But when you’re married and seeking that when the other partner isn’t aware, those can become less rewarding under the shadow of fear of being caught, the risk of what you can lose over what you can gain. Now, mind you, I think for people who are experienced in “affairs of the heart (while married)” get off on that part as much as the thrill of the chase.
Beyond the obvious of what the author was writing about, what struck me even more was the idea of how women reach these “stages” in life where they feel their lives have become predictable, but instead of challenging the routine of a relationship they have with someone they love and creating a new adventure with less consequence, they’ll turn to highly risky behaviour in searching out an affair with a stranger.
Why do some people struggle to see that you can have an affair with your own partner? Is it really that much easier to run around creating excuses at work to take off in the afternoon, expose yourself to potential health issues, and frankly lose the emotional (financial and human) investment of family life to fuck a man you met on a website?
When I set out on my own adventure, it could have easily gone the route of an “affair.” Many things happened that I could have kept from my husband without fear of him finding out. I went through all of those “firsts” with someone I met at work and had created a special friendship with. As you have read in numerous previous posts, we flirted madly, teased with sexual innuendo and shared intimate information about our lives and marriages. Things turned dramatically when, just before Christmas a couple years ago, we were in an elevator at work. Before we reached his floor, he turned and kissed me – and not just a peck on the cheek kind of kiss.
Obviously, I was shocked … until the sexual excitement took over inside me. The ideas that ran through my head, and straight down between my thighs, were something I hadn’t anticipated nor experienced in many years.
I spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out how I would confront all of those emotions, and not cause any harm to my marriage. My husband and I had already dipped our toes (disappointingly unsuccessfully) into “swinging.” I had explored my bisexual curiosities and come to terms with my sexuality in that sense. But now I was in a situation of my own doing and away from the ideas already on the table in my marriage.
It could have been remarkably easy to turn the tides of all of this into an affair of Ashley Madison proportions … but I also knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t ready to trade the excitement of passionate kisses in the elevator, secretive gropes in the stairwells, and closed door make-outs in his office for all the work I had put into my homelife and relationship with my husband.
Besides, in the end I loved the added excitement of involving him, drawing him into the sexual game between my friend and I. With the fear of risking my marriage not a factor, I was having sex like there was no tomorrow.
I’m no expert – and heaven knows there’s more than a bucket load of judgement out there for my own actions – but in the grand scheme of things, creating an adventure the way I have has strengthened the relationship I have with my husband. And all of it came from communication; sharing our fears of the mundane and challenging the conventions of what other people think we should live by.
Which brings me to the comments at the end of the piece; I don’t agree with the author’s scheme, or with people who chase affairs because they’re too afraid to be open-minded within the marriage they have. But really, the biting and hurtful commentary – typical of Internet interaction these days – is strangely riveting. To see how people react to this cultural phenomenon is almost as curious as the article itself. The moral indignation serves to remind me of why our society is so messed up – people injecting what they believe to be the only standard onto others.
Sometimes there’s just a few of those random thoughts that float around in your head. That’s what make’s this week’s TMI Tuesday so appropriate … the randomness of the questions and the freedom from sticking with a specific theme. Although, you know somewhere in there is something sexy!
1. You’ve been waiting forever for your significant other to propose marriage, when they finally do it is in the form of a bribe: “Lose 10-15 lbs. and I will marry you…the wedding can be anyway, and anywhere of your choosing…just lose some weight.” Would you accept this proposal?
Not a chance. Anyone who wants to start what is supposed to be a life-long partnership and commitment, filled with love and respect would never pull this kind of crap. Nope, warning signs right off the bat that you’re not soulmates … and they obviously have control issues.
2. Are you participating in any Halloween festivities? Will you wear a costume? If yes, what?
In fact, this past weekend we went to a Halloween dance with some friends (vanilla friends, but friends nonetheless). This year my husband and I searched for a few different options. At first we were going to try Ghostbusters, as we’re both big fans, but the women’s costume just didn’t have that “umph” I was looking for. And the reality is, it didn’t look anything like what the model in the packaging had on.
So we switched and did this “steampunk” kind of look. Steampunk for those who don’t know is a Victorian-era science fiction genre. Pull out some Jules Verne and you’ll get the idea. We had a blast.
3. Forget the fact that you have a blog; in real-life are you:
a. an over-sharer who tells every detail of your personal life to everyone including the barista at Starbucks?
b. a little discriminating in who you decide to talk to about your personal life, feelings, etc.? Your love life isn’t off limits to friends and family but you don’t confide in total strangers.
c. as tight as a clam? You don’t share important details with friends and family and when you do it about kills you because you are extremely private.
Hmm … a blend of b. and c. I’ve never shied away from being honest with people I trust about my adventurous spirit – both those people have to share a similar outlook on life. Sadly, my rather Catholic family would rather pray for my soul as opposed to shedding some of their own hang-ups and discovering life is meant to be lived.
4. LADIES…your guy just asked you to sleep with his penis in your mouth. Would you do it? Why or why not?
If you’re alright with the knowledge that I have a bad habit of grinding my teeth in my sleep …
BONUS: If you were remembered for one thing, what would it be?
There’s lots of possible answers … my children, for one. They are my legacy and my life’s work … but on a more philosophical level, my adventurous spirit. It took a while to discover it, come to terms with and find courage through it. I’d like people to remember that I lived my life, not just followed along like a passenger.
Hey guys, this is a special day for all my great connections in England. Every year the folks at Charnos Hosiery promote a fun day of wearing stockings instead of the more popular tights (pantyhose in North America) to help raise awareness and needed funds for breast cancer. As my mother is a survivor, I always feel it’s important that we talk about this issue and educate people as much as possible … and heck, even it means sharing a few sexy pics with you to start that going, I’m sure my Mom will forgive me for it … at some point!
If you’re on Twitter, check out @CharnosHosiery and @BCCare for more information … or visit the website here.