Category Archives: Sexy
With the Christmas season on the horizon – and, who could ignore the massively-advertised newest American holiday of “Black Friday” – there is no doubt some of you guys are going to be wondering what you can get for your significant other to significantly improve your chances of unwrapping her in the near future.
Lingerie has been a go-to for bedroom fashion for eons. I suspect even the earliest attempt at a seductive statement likely involved some cave-dweller trimming a touch of sabre-tooth tiger fur off the hem of her frock.
But before you launch yourself into the lacy realm of stockings, garters and teddies, there may be a few conversations worth having with your intended lingerie model. Unfortunately, nothing will put a chill on a romantic Christmas evening than a naughty present that isn’t accepted with the same excitement it was gifted.
Six reasons to talk about lingerie:
Know her tastes
Let’s start with the easy; and keep in mind, the whole idea of knowing her tastes falls with almost every other point below. Her daily wardrobe will give you the best clues to her lingerie personality. Are her colour choices are subtle, vibrant, coordinated? Does she own more than one pair of heels higher than 3-inches? Pay attention to her everyday life to discover the best way to get her into something a little sexier. If her go-to look is your old college sweatshirt and a pair of tired ol’ track pants, chances are she’s not going to trade them for a clingy, sheer, gartered teddy with some Cuban-heel stockings.
Classic looks are always winners when starting out – flirty babydolls, lacy teddies, even the three-piece bra/panty/garterbelt set. Save the kinky stuff until you know she’s really into playing the seductress role.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. If you saw me in my daily setting, you would never suspect I had a travel trunk chalk full of naughty intimates. Some women have conflicting environments – a work role that is stylishly restrictive, so a bedroom style that blows up the sensuality and sexuality. But if she’s one these women, you’ll already know.
Know her reality
In all the time you have ever been together have you heard her say, “I just love how that thin fabric strip of a thong makes me feel like I’m being sawn in half.” I hate thongs. I almost never wear them except for when I do photo shoots or with the occasional dress that won’t let me get away with something I find more comfortable – and even then I can assure you, I’m weighing the reality of going commando.
It pays to know what she likes in her daily life – because if she thinks you expect her to get all glammed up for a night of bedroom passion, she’s already feeling performance anxiety. Don’t add to her reluctance by making her stray too far from what she feels comfortable in. Besides, if you play the whole plan properly, the thong/bikini/boyshorts won’t stay on for long anyway.
Know her limits
Ask yourself the question “Will she really like this?” I love lingerie. I wear a lot of it, I pose in and out of a lot of it … I’ve had men who weren’t my husband buy me lingerie to wear, I’ve bought lingerie to wear for men that weren’t my husband. But over time I have also come to realize that I tend to be a little unique. Most women don’t own a lot of lingerie, and some probably have only ever worn it on their wedding day. If this is your partner, that 50 Shades of Grey-inspired pleather outfit with wet-look stockings, riding crop and 6-inch stilettos may not be a good way to introduce her to the idea of wearing lingerie.
If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of colourful underwear already (bras, panties) … stick to the basics of black or red. If she’s self-conscious, black is always best even if it is a bit cliché. If she’s a more colourful type, ask her what her favourite colour is and stick with that.
Also consider if it is the kind of lingerie you’d like her to wear outside of the house. That can also determine how much of a leap is required in her comfort level.
Know your budget
Maybe you’ve heard that country song by Gretchen Wilson that says “Victoria’s Secret, their stuff’s real nice … but I can get the same thing from Wal-Mart half-price.” I’m not suggesting you cheap out on your purchase, but you also need to recognize that some women may only wear your purchase once. And they may only wear it for a matter of minutes. Are you really keen on dropping that $600 for La Perla or Agent Provocateur?
As someone who has worn a lot of different pieces of lingerie over the past several years, I can honestly tell you that your best bang for your buck won’t come from the money spent – but the consideration given to how she will look while wearing it, especially if she is not a frequent connoisseur of lacy things.
Know her size
This goes without saying; if you take nothing else from my blog today, at least take this one tip with you. There’s no excuse for not knowing her size – she has a drawer full of bras, panties and other assorted items that she wears on a daily basis. Do your homework before you buy.
Predict the future
OK, you’re probably wondering how this relates. Easy, if you pay attention to the clues she gives you and her lifestyle, you’ll already have everything you need to wow her with lingerie that she will happily slip into. Just like hunting, don’t go in for the kill if you haven’t stalked your prey – and a woman in lingerie is a rare and allusive creature. She can be skittish and easily scared off.
Above all, if the risks still seem too great, try the old-fashioned route: ask.
And don’t forget the stockings …
Well, now that Halloween is behind us…and I had a dismal October of keeping up on my blogging, maybe it’s time for me to settle back into and try to come up with a more productive routine. While I’m a huge lover of the warm summer months, from a social calendar point of view, the season right before Christmas is also one of my favourites. It’s a time when I have a few more opportunities to dust off some of my dresses and nicer clothes and get out to have some fun.
With that in mind, I found a fun little infographic on cocktail dresses…and I know how much you enjoy seeing a woman all dressed up and ready to flirt madly!
Without a doubt, if you had asked me back in early 2002 if I imagined myself doing an amateur porn site, I would have said you were crazy. It wasn’t so much about my outlook on the genre – or some deep seeded moral debate on the issues surrounding pornography – but more so because I couldn’t imagine that there would be any real interest.
My reasons for that change in the summer of that year have been well-documented before. If you want the back story, you can find it here.
Over the 12 years I have been doing my website, the “business” has changed dramatically. While I have plugged along, doing my thing, the impact of the Internet on our lives – and the massive exposure to all sorts of sexually related content – has pushed the “amateurness” to a much different level. In the early days, even though I jumped into the fray kind of late, the amateur genre was still very much low-res images of honest-to-goodness housewives and everyday women. The quality of the pictures (lord how I cringe when I look at my first few sets) was definitely at a different standard.
But the interest from our fan base was rooted very much in what the pictures showed, as opposed to the quality of the pixels. They wanted to see the kind of woman they may see at work, or next door, or at their kids’ sports in sexually explicit ways. Now even amateur porn has a very professional feel to it, and many models are just as airbrushed and dolled-up as those Playboy centrefolds were before the Internet was a household item. It doesn’t help the genre when such obvious professionals brand themselves as amateurs.
In conversation with an online friend recently, they asked me where I thought everything would be heading in the next few years. These days, I honestly don’t give a tremendous amount of thought to the business side of my website (not that I ever really have). My husband does the majority of the work, from the photography to coordinating which sets get sent in to Southern Charms at what time. My joy in the picture taking has always been the posing, the time spent creating the photos – and the celebratory intimacy when the work is over. My purpose for my site has always been about bringing that sexual heat and spice to my marriage, not the “business of amateur porn.”
That’s not to say I’m completely detached from the ins and outs off the mattress. We have seen, with my website, trends that pretty much look like those stock market charts – lots of peaks and valleys. Just before the economy took a dump in 2008, you may have almost convinced me to spend more time on the sexy side of life as you would have my real life career. These days, however, the reality has returned to “a nice naughty hobby.”
And then, even within the context of “amateur” as a genre, things have changed. I think it is now very segmented between the “stereotypical housewives” like myself and the new breed of young Kartrashian wannabes – the selfie-addicted, club-hopping diva in sparkly painted-on minidresses and stiletto heels. Each style of “amateur” has their own idea of what it entails to be involved in porn; and both are remarkably different. On a personal level, I see these young women as being less about the contrast between reality and naughty fantasy; rather, they come across as overly addicted to the attention and wear their sexuality more brazenly than the tiny napkins they call clothes.
As an aside, I do realize there are many levels to what could be amateur porn; from the mostly-solo/heterosexual brand of housewife porn I produce, through to gay male to some of the more extreme sexual lifestyles.
I’ve always enjoyed being a contrast in men’s fantasies – the very “normal” and unassuming soccer mom type in public, with an intriguing sexual secret in private. It has always been more fun slowly inviting men into that part of my world. It’s that idea, to me, that has always been the “amateur” part; the contrast and the secret surprise that exists behind the public facade.
I’m not sure where “amateur porn” is going to be headed in the future. I strongly suspect that, given the amount of video that is out there now, the photo side of it may become a smaller demand. I know guys are highly visual animals when it comes to sexual excitement; which adds to my thoughts on why video may be an even bigger part of it.
With the explosion of copyright-infringing websites, and weak laws to help protect those of us who participate in the modelling side, I can’t really see how we will be able to continue producing what we do. I’m not saying I do it for the money – but I’m not going to continue and do it for free. For women like me, there are risks that most fans likely don’t consider, nor care about, in doing this kind of little hobby. To continue just for the sake of putting myself out there without any kind of “reward” for taking the risk…there is a big part of me that hopes something will be done to protect our copyrights with more vigilance. But that may be a pipe dream – sort of like herding cats.
Generally, I try to be positive and thoughtful in some of the writing I post. I think part of the reason why I struggled with my blog entries this past spring was that I wasn’t really feeling the creative energy on that side of my personality. Over the past few months, things have grown into a whirlwind of frustration and stress as I try to keep pace with what is happening away from the reason I started this blog.
But in an effort to push myself back to where I want to be – where I need to be – I’ve resolved that even the moments of dark and reluctant thoughts deserve to be aired. So, this week while many of my fellow TMI Tuesday participants are blogging great sexual summer thoughts about hot weather and burning passions, I’m stripping it down again to the rawness of where your Sexy Northern Angel is at.
1. Summer clothes are more revealing than winter clothes. What is the skimpiest outfit that you wear out in public?
A picture is worth a 1,000 words…and from when I was a 1,000 times happier with the way I looked. We were away for a weekend and attending a lifestyle event (swingers dance). You can’t really tell how nervous I was, but that was soon eased when I realized that compared to a lot of the other women, I was almost over-dressed for the occasion. This would be the most risque I would say, as opposed to showing you somewhat normal photos of me in a bikini – which is a standard occurrence in the summer.
2. What summer outfits turn you on when you see other people wearing them?
I’m a sucker for a fit man in a tight white t-shirt and jeans. Given that some days are way too hot for pants, a nice pair of fitted shorts on a guy is eye-catching. Definitely not the baggy, below the knee board shorts that are tragically many men’s choice of fashion; if you’re any shorter than 6’ those ridiculous shorts make you look squatty and that’s not a good look. Try nice, somewhat dressier but still casual shorts, hemmed above the knee.
As I get a little older, my tastes on what I find sexy on a man change. My husband is to blame for how my sense of fashion changes, and some of the snarkiness in my take on guys past 30 who try way too hard to look like an 18-year old Californian surfer. These days I’m less likely to participate in the beach flirtation as I am to watch in twisted delight as the more youthful posture and pose. The guy who stands the chance to get into my bikini is the guy who will look amazing on the sidewalk bistro patio ordering a refreshing summer beverage and salad or strolling around antique shops off the beaten path.
And ditch the Old Navy $1 flip flops.
3. Summer is hot! Sex is hot! Do you find hot summer weather leads to hot summer sex?
I would love to say that summer is the perfect time for canoodling and getting sweaty busy. Right now with two very busy teenage boys in my house, there’s virtually no time for those romantic thoughts of connecting on a blanket under the stars. Our daily schedule is more like trying to juggle flaming cats and chainsaws with one hand while you attempt to give yourself a little self pleasure with your free hand.
However, I have fond memories of how hot summer weather can lead to hot summer sex. And I love hot summer sex. I love the sensation of two sweaty bodies connected, the slight salty taste of a sweaty kiss and the added slipperiness of the moment.
Yep; delightful, fond memories…
4. It’s summer and oysters are off the menu. What foods are the aphrodisiacs of summer?
For men, rumour is watermelon is a natural stimulant for better erections … just make sure you eat enough, and don’t wear a Speedo to the dinner table!
For me, personally, see the answer to Question 5 …
5. Summertime is hot and thirsty time. What is your favorite summer drink, alcoholic or not?
This summer my adult beverage of choice is the Somersby Apple Cider, an alcoholic drink that goes down way too easily on hot summer days (and nights).
6. Two traditional vacation destinations to beat the summer heat are the mountains and the shore. Where do you like to go?
Given my preference, I would choose the shore. I love the beach and the water … mostly I love watching the people. As I mentioned above in my rant about men in board shorts, I do enjoy the voyeuristic opportunity that the shoreline provides. I love watching the posturing between the 20-somethings as they work through the beach towel flirtations.
7. Summertime is road trip time. Do you like to go on vacation by car?
These days, travelling by car is about the only way we get away on a vacation. We adopted a rescue dog back in 2012 and family vacation time involves him, so that means travelling to pet-friendly locations. Mostly camping. Add to the equation that I have two active boys who play competitive sports – which means weekends spent at tournaments … which eats up those precious vacation days.
8. Summertime is experiment time. What are you going to do this summer that you’ve never done before?
Unfortunately, this is probably the worst summer to ask … my reality is I’m currently working in an environment that has denied almost all vacation time to the vast majority of employees, my social schedule is non-existent and my mood rather dark and frustrated. So, I suppose one thing I could say I’m doing that is new is working on finding a new job and trying to come to terms with where I am at in my life right now.
9. Summertime can be hazardous. What summer threat do you fear most? Possibilities: bugs, wildlife, heat, lightning…
Amphibians … frogs/toads/anything that hops that doesn’t have a basket of Easter eggs in its grubby little paws.
10. Summertime is summer fling time. Have you ever had a summertime romance? How far did it go?
No, I’ve not had a fling that lasted only for a summer. My relationships have tended to be more longer term, although I did have an awesome summer the year I met the man who would become my husband. That’s a fling that has been going on for 24 years this month.
BONUS: Summertime is Festival time – music, art, seafood, and more. What festivals have you attended or will you attend?
I’m not much for making my summer entertainment priority “festivals” … probably the last big one I went to was the Friday the 13th event held in Port Dover, ON. It’s a huge motorcycle festival that has been going on for years. While the one I went to was a summertime Friday the 13th, this is something that happens in that town EVERY Friday the 13th.
I think my favourite festival of all time would be the annual International Food & Wine festival held at Epcot in Orlando, FL. Although this happens in autumn, it’s a great experience beyond what the amusement park usually offers.
“Without independence in a marriage people feel trapped.”
I read that quote the other day and it resonated with me quite a bit. As someone who recently celebrated two decades of marital bliss, it seems second nature for me to have an expectation of independence. Now, it wasn’t always that way. I was someone who struggled terribly in the early days of my marriage. I had just graduated from college, was truly on my own for the first time in my life and jumped into a major commitment with the man I loved.
Fortunately it all worked out. And funnily enough, it worked out only because we worked on it. My husband said the other day – as we were talking about the demise of the marriage of a couple we are friends with – the struggles we faced would have been the end for a lot of young couples. People have a “disposable approach” to relationships as much as they do common household items; we refused to throw ours away.
Part of the strength in our relationship is that we have both a strong connection to each other, but a healthy level of independence. I hazard to say, my husband has also been the primary reason why I was able to find my independence – and not just in marriage, but in my life as a whole. It’s a balance between having someone need me and me need them AND the freedom to be myself and pursue my own path.
I’ve said it before in my blog, and in conversation online, that I have discovered more about myself, my desires and passions because of my relationship. I have experienced things I believe I would have never had the opportunity – or courage – to have ever tried. From accepting and exploring my bisexual side, through to the freedom to fulfill my fantasy with my Office Guy, that sense of independence played a key role. My reliance on my husband in those first days of discovery – pushing me forward and being there beside me to prove I would be safe – built on my strength of character to accept that I, as a healthy woman and sexual being, could pursue some adventure in my life. In essence, it removed the fear most of us have when it comes to admitting our sexual interests extend beyond hardline monogamy.
But the question remains “How can you find it?”
A journey of self-discovery with someone leading the way is one place to start, in my opinion. My husband introduced me to many new ideas in life – from social activities to bedroom gymnastics to creating fantasies. And those, in turn, opened my mind and gave me the confidence to take my own first steps. Independence came from the building of trust that occurred during these experiences.
Many couples (or at least ones I seem to know) don’t have a sense of trust in their relationship that they would even dare admit to silly, normal things such as flirting with a co-worker, or talking intimately about a fantasy. Having trust allows you to have some separation in your relationship; room to move, so to speak, and discover things on your own.
If you can’t trust, you can’t discover that independence.
How did it work for me? Hours upon hours of talking, sharing … finding creative and silly ways to share confessions with each other. We used every outlet we could think of to open those doors – and went back through them often. It’s easy for me to say, “just communicate” and expect it to work. I know enough about relationships to know it isn’t that easy.
Accept your sexual desires
If you want your spouse to trust you and give you some sexual independence in your relationship (whether that means exploring beyond the traditional or not), you need to come to terms with your own desires. If you can’t accept, for whatever reason, your own sexual thoughts then it will be hard to be open about what you want. My own example: I grew up in a small town, where anything you said or did became public knowledge in a hurry. I would never have admitted to having bi-curious thoughts for fear of being judged and having my reputation smeared by small-minded people. It took my husband a good couple years of constant reinforcement and support for me to finally “come out.”
In the beginning my husband encouraged me to keep a sexual diary – something close to those things that teenage girls write their high school fantasies in, but mine was meant to capture the thoughts that popped into my head, to draw my imagination out and help me build on those momentary flashes of horniness. That eventually morphed into my blog. But the point was to find a way to connect my consciousness to the subconscious and fuel my sexual desires more openly.
Open your sexual soul to your spouse
My husband knows exactly what turns me on and what doesn’t. He could describe my sexual fantasies better than me, right down to the kind of man I would love to invite into my fantasies. He has cast aside his jealousy and been tells me the greatest reward was being able to watch me be sexually satisfied by a man I wanted a sexual encounter with. All of this is because he taught me how to expose my sexual soul to him, how to share my intimate thoughts with confidence and even act of some of those to turn fantasies into realities.
You have to own your sexuality; it can’t be something someone else determines for you. Does that mean I’m open to trying something just for my husband? Absolutely … but it also means I’m confident enough is expressing to what limit my sexual adventure is willing to reach.
Find your sexual creativity in how you communicate
My husband is a creative man; he needs to be from a professional point of view, and doesn’t give it up on a personal level. In the 20 years we have been going down the path of discovery together, he has:
- Created personal surveys/questionnaires for me on my sexual fantasies which I have been asked to provide written answers to. Sometimes we have just made long drives into amazing moments of sexual 20 questions.
- Created handmade invitations for dates, and turned the experiences into “magical mysteries.” The effort is worth far more than the environment. My husband found a way to turn a date to a casino into one of the most erotic dates we’ve had as a couple in recent years. Neither of us really gamble … with money.
- Created “treasure hunts” for dates, where I have been given a certain amount of time and money to find and buy an outfit to wear for a date that night. A woman who has had a riot being pampered with a new outfit AND a night away from the children is a woman whose libido is soaring like a rocket.
- Arranged for dates to places where I could be sexually liberal without fear of being judged. My husband’s idea of fashion for a night out with me frequently exceeds my personal level of fashion bravery – especially if I have a feeling that I will be leered at. So when he wants that micro mini and skyhigh stilettos planted on the dance floor instead of pointed at the ceiling, he plans to take me places where the men are well-behaved and the women equally attired. In other words, if you want your woman to wear those thigh high boots and tiny demin skirt when you go play billiards, you better be willing to accept every man in the pool hall to be checking her out.
Never close the metaphorical door
Almost everyone has the ability to keep an open mind. I’ve learned when you are pursue something new in a sexual sense, it is absolutely vital you make that a conscious thought. There is nothing that will slam the door shut on exploring new experiences than an inconsiderate comment, hint of jealousy or feeling of being ‘thrown under the bus.’ Most women still need to feel that their partner will “protect” them. Not necessarily in just the physical sense and warding off any unwanted come-ons from guys who may have the wrong impression (it happens, trust me), but she wants you to protect her fragile sense of confidence. Most of us don’t wear skyhigh heels and napkins for skirts on a daily basis. That is really putting our sexual self on the line for judgment. We don’t just want to know you’re turned on; we want to know you’re an equal partner in the adventure.