Category Archives: Sexy
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
Do you ever see someone – a perfect stranger – and wonder what they would be like as a lover, as a partner … as a one-night stand?
There’s this guy I see most mornings on my drive into work. He stands at the end of his driveway with his young kids waiting with them for their school bus. As much as I can tell as I drive by, he’s a handsome man – and obviously a pretty good father. He dresses somewhat casually, and appears to be fairly fit.
But you know, sometimes my mind takes these little turns and thoughts pop into my head that aren’t exactly vanilla. Here’s this guy, who I know absolutely nothing about as a person, other than in the mornings he is out in all kinds of weather with his kids, waiting. So my mind wanders; what does he do after the bus leaves? Does he work at home? Where’s the kids’ mom? Is she inside all dressed up in naughty lingerie waiting for a morning session of sweaty sex?
Or, maybe, he’s alone. Maybe he wishes there was someone waiting back in the bedroom, dressed in naughty lingerie. Maybe his wife is so wrapped up in her own career now that she’s basically left him to be Mr. Mom.
What would happen if I just pulled into the driveway one day as the school bus passed me?
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
With the Christmas season on the horizon – and, who could ignore the massively-advertised newest American holiday of “Black Friday” – there is no doubt some of you guys are going to be wondering what you can get for your significant other to significantly improve your chances of unwrapping her in the near future.
Lingerie has been a go-to for bedroom fashion for eons. I suspect even the earliest attempt at a seductive statement likely involved some cave-dweller trimming a touch of sabre-tooth tiger fur off the hem of her frock.
But before you launch yourself into the lacy realm of stockings, garters and teddies, there may be a few conversations worth having with your intended lingerie model. Unfortunately, nothing will put a chill on a romantic Christmas evening than a naughty present that isn’t accepted with the same excitement it was gifted.
Six reasons to talk about lingerie:
Know her tastes
Let’s start with the easy; and keep in mind, the whole idea of knowing her tastes falls with almost every other point below. Her daily wardrobe will give you the best clues to her lingerie personality. Are her colour choices are subtle, vibrant, coordinated? Does she own more than one pair of heels higher than 3-inches? Pay attention to her everyday life to discover the best way to get her into something a little sexier. If her go-to look is your old college sweatshirt and a pair of tired ol’ track pants, chances are she’s not going to trade them for a clingy, sheer, gartered teddy with some Cuban-heel stockings.
Classic looks are always winners when starting out – flirty babydolls, lacy teddies, even the three-piece bra/panty/garterbelt set. Save the kinky stuff until you know she’s really into playing the seductress role.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. If you saw me in my daily setting, you would never suspect I had a travel trunk chalk full of naughty intimates. Some women have conflicting environments – a work role that is stylishly restrictive, so a bedroom style that blows up the sensuality and sexuality. But if she’s one these women, you’ll already know.
Know her reality
In all the time you have ever been together have you heard her say, “I just love how that thin fabric strip of a thong makes me feel like I’m being sawn in half.” I hate thongs. I almost never wear them except for when I do photo shoots or with the occasional dress that won’t let me get away with something I find more comfortable – and even then I can assure you, I’m weighing the reality of going commando.
It pays to know what she likes in her daily life – because if she thinks you expect her to get all glammed up for a night of bedroom passion, she’s already feeling performance anxiety. Don’t add to her reluctance by making her stray too far from what she feels comfortable in. Besides, if you play the whole plan properly, the thong/bikini/boyshorts won’t stay on for long anyway.
Know her limits
Ask yourself the question “Will she really like this?” I love lingerie. I wear a lot of it, I pose in and out of a lot of it … I’ve had men who weren’t my husband buy me lingerie to wear, I’ve bought lingerie to wear for men that weren’t my husband. But over time I have also come to realize that I tend to be a little unique. Most women don’t own a lot of lingerie, and some probably have only ever worn it on their wedding day. If this is your partner, that 50 Shades of Grey-inspired pleather outfit with wet-look stockings, riding crop and 6-inch stilettos may not be a good way to introduce her to the idea of wearing lingerie.
If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of colourful underwear already (bras, panties) … stick to the basics of black or red. If she’s self-conscious, black is always best even if it is a bit cliché. If she’s a more colourful type, ask her what her favourite colour is and stick with that.
Also consider if it is the kind of lingerie you’d like her to wear outside of the house. That can also determine how much of a leap is required in her comfort level.
Know your budget
Maybe you’ve heard that country song by Gretchen Wilson that says “Victoria’s Secret, their stuff’s real nice … but I can get the same thing from Wal-Mart half-price.” I’m not suggesting you cheap out on your purchase, but you also need to recognize that some women may only wear your purchase once. And they may only wear it for a matter of minutes. Are you really keen on dropping that $600 for La Perla or Agent Provocateur?
As someone who has worn a lot of different pieces of lingerie over the past several years, I can honestly tell you that your best bang for your buck won’t come from the money spent – but the consideration given to how she will look while wearing it, especially if she is not a frequent connoisseur of lacy things.
Know her size
This goes without saying; if you take nothing else from my blog today, at least take this one tip with you. There’s no excuse for not knowing her size – she has a drawer full of bras, panties and other assorted items that she wears on a daily basis. Do your homework before you buy.
Predict the future
OK, you’re probably wondering how this relates. Easy, if you pay attention to the clues she gives you and her lifestyle, you’ll already have everything you need to wow her with lingerie that she will happily slip into. Just like hunting, don’t go in for the kill if you haven’t stalked your prey – and a woman in lingerie is a rare and allusive creature. She can be skittish and easily scared off.
Above all, if the risks still seem too great, try the old-fashioned route: ask.
And don’t forget the stockings …
Well, now that Halloween is behind us…and I had a dismal October of keeping up on my blogging, maybe it’s time for me to settle back into and try to come up with a more productive routine. While I’m a huge lover of the warm summer months, from a social calendar point of view, the season right before Christmas is also one of my favourites. It’s a time when I have a few more opportunities to dust off some of my dresses and nicer clothes and get out to have some fun.
With that in mind, I found a fun little infographic on cocktail dresses…and I know how much you enjoy seeing a woman all dressed up and ready to flirt madly!
Without a doubt, if you had asked me back in early 2002 if I imagined myself doing an amateur porn site, I would have said you were crazy. It wasn’t so much about my outlook on the genre – or some deep seeded moral debate on the issues surrounding pornography – but more so because I couldn’t imagine that there would be any real interest.
My reasons for that change in the summer of that year have been well-documented before. If you want the back story, you can find it here.
Over the 12 years I have been doing my website, the “business” has changed dramatically. While I have plugged along, doing my thing, the impact of the Internet on our lives – and the massive exposure to all sorts of sexually related content – has pushed the “amateurness” to a much different level. In the early days, even though I jumped into the fray kind of late, the amateur genre was still very much low-res images of honest-to-goodness housewives and everyday women. The quality of the pictures (lord how I cringe when I look at my first few sets) was definitely at a different standard.
But the interest from our fan base was rooted very much in what the pictures showed, as opposed to the quality of the pixels. They wanted to see the kind of woman they may see at work, or next door, or at their kids’ sports in sexually explicit ways. Now even amateur porn has a very professional feel to it, and many models are just as airbrushed and dolled-up as those Playboy centrefolds were before the Internet was a household item. It doesn’t help the genre when such obvious professionals brand themselves as amateurs.
In conversation with an online friend recently, they asked me where I thought everything would be heading in the next few years. These days, I honestly don’t give a tremendous amount of thought to the business side of my website (not that I ever really have). My husband does the majority of the work, from the photography to coordinating which sets get sent in to Southern Charms at what time. My joy in the picture taking has always been the posing, the time spent creating the photos – and the celebratory intimacy when the work is over. My purpose for my site has always been about bringing that sexual heat and spice to my marriage, not the “business of amateur porn.”
That’s not to say I’m completely detached from the ins and outs off the mattress. We have seen, with my website, trends that pretty much look like those stock market charts – lots of peaks and valleys. Just before the economy took a dump in 2008, you may have almost convinced me to spend more time on the sexy side of life as you would have my real life career. These days, however, the reality has returned to “a nice naughty hobby.”
And then, even within the context of “amateur” as a genre, things have changed. I think it is now very segmented between the “stereotypical housewives” like myself and the new breed of young Kartrashian wannabes – the selfie-addicted, club-hopping diva in sparkly painted-on minidresses and stiletto heels. Each style of “amateur” has their own idea of what it entails to be involved in porn; and both are remarkably different. On a personal level, I see these young women as being less about the contrast between reality and naughty fantasy; rather, they come across as overly addicted to the attention and wear their sexuality more brazenly than the tiny napkins they call clothes.
As an aside, I do realize there are many levels to what could be amateur porn; from the mostly-solo/heterosexual brand of housewife porn I produce, through to gay male to some of the more extreme sexual lifestyles.
I’ve always enjoyed being a contrast in men’s fantasies – the very “normal” and unassuming soccer mom type in public, with an intriguing sexual secret in private. It has always been more fun slowly inviting men into that part of my world. It’s that idea, to me, that has always been the “amateur” part; the contrast and the secret surprise that exists behind the public facade.
I’m not sure where “amateur porn” is going to be headed in the future. I strongly suspect that, given the amount of video that is out there now, the photo side of it may become a smaller demand. I know guys are highly visual animals when it comes to sexual excitement; which adds to my thoughts on why video may be an even bigger part of it.
With the explosion of copyright-infringing websites, and weak laws to help protect those of us who participate in the modelling side, I can’t really see how we will be able to continue producing what we do. I’m not saying I do it for the money – but I’m not going to continue and do it for free. For women like me, there are risks that most fans likely don’t consider, nor care about, in doing this kind of little hobby. To continue just for the sake of putting myself out there without any kind of “reward” for taking the risk…there is a big part of me that hopes something will be done to protect our copyrights with more vigilance. But that may be a pipe dream – sort of like herding cats.
Generally, I try to be positive and thoughtful in some of the writing I post. I think part of the reason why I struggled with my blog entries this past spring was that I wasn’t really feeling the creative energy on that side of my personality. Over the past few months, things have grown into a whirlwind of frustration and stress as I try to keep pace with what is happening away from the reason I started this blog.
But in an effort to push myself back to where I want to be – where I need to be – I’ve resolved that even the moments of dark and reluctant thoughts deserve to be aired. So, this week while many of my fellow TMI Tuesday participants are blogging great sexual summer thoughts about hot weather and burning passions, I’m stripping it down again to the rawness of where your Sexy Northern Angel is at.
1. Summer clothes are more revealing than winter clothes. What is the skimpiest outfit that you wear out in public?
A picture is worth a 1,000 words…and from when I was a 1,000 times happier with the way I looked. We were away for a weekend and attending a lifestyle event (swingers dance). You can’t really tell how nervous I was, but that was soon eased when I realized that compared to a lot of the other women, I was almost over-dressed for the occasion. This would be the most risque I would say, as opposed to showing you somewhat normal photos of me in a bikini – which is a standard occurrence in the summer.
2. What summer outfits turn you on when you see other people wearing them?
I’m a sucker for a fit man in a tight white t-shirt and jeans. Given that some days are way too hot for pants, a nice pair of fitted shorts on a guy is eye-catching. Definitely not the baggy, below the knee board shorts that are tragically many men’s choice of fashion; if you’re any shorter than 6’ those ridiculous shorts make you look squatty and that’s not a good look. Try nice, somewhat dressier but still casual shorts, hemmed above the knee.
As I get a little older, my tastes on what I find sexy on a man change. My husband is to blame for how my sense of fashion changes, and some of the snarkiness in my take on guys past 30 who try way too hard to look like an 18-year old Californian surfer. These days I’m less likely to participate in the beach flirtation as I am to watch in twisted delight as the more youthful posture and pose. The guy who stands the chance to get into my bikini is the guy who will look amazing on the sidewalk bistro patio ordering a refreshing summer beverage and salad or strolling around antique shops off the beaten path.
And ditch the Old Navy $1 flip flops.
3. Summer is hot! Sex is hot! Do you find hot summer weather leads to hot summer sex?
I would love to say that summer is the perfect time for canoodling and getting sweaty busy. Right now with two very busy teenage boys in my house, there’s virtually no time for those romantic thoughts of connecting on a blanket under the stars. Our daily schedule is more like trying to juggle flaming cats and chainsaws with one hand while you attempt to give yourself a little self pleasure with your free hand.
However, I have fond memories of how hot summer weather can lead to hot summer sex. And I love hot summer sex. I love the sensation of two sweaty bodies connected, the slight salty taste of a sweaty kiss and the added slipperiness of the moment.
Yep; delightful, fond memories…
4. It’s summer and oysters are off the menu. What foods are the aphrodisiacs of summer?
For men, rumour is watermelon is a natural stimulant for better erections … just make sure you eat enough, and don’t wear a Speedo to the dinner table!
For me, personally, see the answer to Question 5 …
5. Summertime is hot and thirsty time. What is your favorite summer drink, alcoholic or not?
This summer my adult beverage of choice is the Somersby Apple Cider, an alcoholic drink that goes down way too easily on hot summer days (and nights).
6. Two traditional vacation destinations to beat the summer heat are the mountains and the shore. Where do you like to go?
Given my preference, I would choose the shore. I love the beach and the water … mostly I love watching the people. As I mentioned above in my rant about men in board shorts, I do enjoy the voyeuristic opportunity that the shoreline provides. I love watching the posturing between the 20-somethings as they work through the beach towel flirtations.
7. Summertime is road trip time. Do you like to go on vacation by car?
These days, travelling by car is about the only way we get away on a vacation. We adopted a rescue dog back in 2012 and family vacation time involves him, so that means travelling to pet-friendly locations. Mostly camping. Add to the equation that I have two active boys who play competitive sports – which means weekends spent at tournaments … which eats up those precious vacation days.
8. Summertime is experiment time. What are you going to do this summer that you’ve never done before?
Unfortunately, this is probably the worst summer to ask … my reality is I’m currently working in an environment that has denied almost all vacation time to the vast majority of employees, my social schedule is non-existent and my mood rather dark and frustrated. So, I suppose one thing I could say I’m doing that is new is working on finding a new job and trying to come to terms with where I am at in my life right now.
9. Summertime can be hazardous. What summer threat do you fear most? Possibilities: bugs, wildlife, heat, lightning…
Amphibians … frogs/toads/anything that hops that doesn’t have a basket of Easter eggs in its grubby little paws.
10. Summertime is summer fling time. Have you ever had a summertime romance? How far did it go?
No, I’ve not had a fling that lasted only for a summer. My relationships have tended to be more longer term, although I did have an awesome summer the year I met the man who would become my husband. That’s a fling that has been going on for 24 years this month.
BONUS: Summertime is Festival time – music, art, seafood, and more. What festivals have you attended or will you attend?
I’m not much for making my summer entertainment priority “festivals” … probably the last big one I went to was the Friday the 13th event held in Port Dover, ON. It’s a huge motorcycle festival that has been going on for years. While the one I went to was a summertime Friday the 13th, this is something that happens in that town EVERY Friday the 13th.
I think my favourite festival of all time would be the annual International Food & Wine festival held at Epcot in Orlando, FL. Although this happens in autumn, it’s a great experience beyond what the amusement park usually offers.