Category Archives: Dreams
I wrote earlier about how, as I got older, my fantasies evolved.
I’m still outrageously turned on by the idea of sex with a stranger. If you’ve read my erotica, you’ll see that this is a common theme throughout; random encounters that have led to incredible moments of sexual discovery. Same with threesomes; the delicious naughtiness of having two playmates in my bed is phenomenal. Of course, writing about such ideas is somewhat easy – but it doesn’t make it any less of a fantasy for me.
As we mature, I think our fantasies do as well. Along with this, our willingness to let them flourish also matures; we become, in a sense, less intimidated by the notion. Our personal psychology has grown, our understanding developed and (hopefully) our fears reduced. It’s still natural to have some anxiety over these naughty thoughts in our imagination, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to put any of it into action.
For me, getting older also meant more freedom to let my imagination run wild. The guilt was gone, and the fear of being open about my thoughts also vanished. My fantasies became much more of an escape – and, as you probably have figured out, a huge part of my online not-so-secret life.
Part of the history of my website, and this blog, is deeply entrenched in my own fantasies: the voyeurism and exhibitionism, the exploration of where it could lead, the interaction with people on somewhat sexual terms. In a way, it touches on a part of me that was repressed for a long time (I grew up in a very Catholic house, so there’s a lot of repression in my life). And while “Andee” has really become this whole other woman so very different from the real me, she is still really me. She is the part of me who explores the fantasies, let’s her mind go crazy when she sees a cute guy, flirts like made with male coworkers and indulges in sexual innuendo. She doesn’t feel guilty, or as afraid; much braver than the real me.
So, what fantasies turn me on these days?
- Threesome sex – absolutely still very high on my list of sexual fantasies I want to turn into a reality. Been close, but just not quite. The idea of involving another man in our bedroom activity absolutely makes me wet.
- ‘Stranger’ sex – as mentioned at the start of today’s entry, this idea frequently pops into my mind when I’m feeling particularly horny. But not just random, nameless sex … my fantasy is complicated and detailed. Read my erotica and you’ll get it.
- Lesbian sex – my bi-sexual/bi-curious leaning drives me crazy sometimes. It’s something I had a small taste of, and I still yearn for the moment when I can sate my appetite for another woman.
That is really the strong trio of what fills my imagination with dirty, dirty thoughts and makes my panties moist when my mind gets a bit too carried away.
After my last entry on being more comfortable with sex in my 40s, someone asked me if my sexual boundaries had changed – are they looser or firmer? Had my past experiences done anything to shape how I define my sexuality and sense of adventure?
Wishy-washy answer is yes.
Let me take you a bit deeper. I think life experience in general leads to people changing their sexual boundaries. To me, they’ve never been immovable stone walls. As you try new things and discover likes and dislikes, kinks and twists, they move. It’s no different than your taste for food or fashion. “The times, they are a changin'”
As a young woman, newly married and outrageously naive in the ways of the world, my sexual boundaries were pretty clear and straight forward. I had never considered acting on any of my fantasies – or even just talk about them. I had repressed a lot of those ‘thoughts’ because of my staunch Catholic upbringing. The wildest thing I was willing (with great reluctance and internal conflict) to try was a vibrator. And even then, I had never expressed a desire to try one, my boyfriend at the time thought it would be fun.
He was right.
About the only sense of adventure I had back then was posing for pictures. I had already become comfortable in front of the camera from some experience in mainstream (aka non-nude) modelling.
That proved to be the key to Andee’s own Pandoras Box. It was from there that new ideas, experiences and sexual confidence grew. As the photos evolved from teasingly playful to stocking-clad pin-ups to all-out nudes, a naughtier side of me emerged. Of course, it helped that my husband was very open and supportive. He encouraged me to break free from a lot of unhealthy thoughts and discover many new things about myself.
He allowed me to explore without jealousy, listened to my thoughts and helped me shape some my fantasies – and turn some of them into realities.
My sexual boundaries had grown pretty wide during those days.
But life also has this crazy way of putting you in your place. It’s not so much ‘all good things must come to an end’ … It was just that other priorities became top priorities. And when those priorities have been dealt with, time has passed and that hot, slim brunette vixen has evolved into that road-weary soccer mom with grey hair and crows feet.
If anything, the past eight years have pulled those boundaries back in. Somethings just took a back seat – sexual discovery included. And a dose of reality pushed out some of the fantasy.
But, they’re still movable. My challenge now is to see if I can, and just how far can they really go. Some of that involves evaluating what’s important to me now – both sexually and non.
I may just start back at the beginning … with that delightful buzzing sex toy.
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
Do you ever see someone – a perfect stranger – and wonder what they would be like as a lover, as a partner … as a one-night stand?
There’s this guy I see most mornings on my drive into work. He stands at the end of his driveway with his young kids waiting with them for their school bus. As much as I can tell as I drive by, he’s a handsome man – and obviously a pretty good father. He dresses somewhat casually, and appears to be fairly fit.
But you know, sometimes my mind takes these little turns and thoughts pop into my head that aren’t exactly vanilla. Here’s this guy, who I know absolutely nothing about as a person, other than in the mornings he is out in all kinds of weather with his kids, waiting. So my mind wanders; what does he do after the bus leaves? Does he work at home? Where’s the kids’ mom? Is she inside all dressed up in naughty lingerie waiting for a morning session of sweaty sex?
Or, maybe, he’s alone. Maybe he wishes there was someone waiting back in the bedroom, dressed in naughty lingerie. Maybe his wife is so wrapped up in her own career now that she’s basically left him to be Mr. Mom.
What would happen if I just pulled into the driveway one day as the school bus passed me?
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
I’ve long advocated for the sharing of sexual fantasies with a partner. Communication and trust are two very important aspects of a healthy relationship – and understanding that just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean your mind is closed.
As I mentioned in my last entry, I’ve been struggling with a downswing in my sex life. A natural cycle in life, but something that comes with mixed blessings. Part of that has meant in my relationship there hasn’t been a great deal of sharing in regard to sexual fantasies. But don’t assume that has meant things have turned for the worst, far from it. It’s just meant other ideas, dreams and silly notions have found their way to the surface.
In what I see as, perhaps, a turn in a different direction is a recent opportunity I had to push myself out of that muddle. I’d been delightfully tormented by a dream that left me feeling somewhat … my old self … and made a conscious effort to share it with my understanding husband. As expected – and comforting to be reminded – his response was to push my mind deeper into that fantasy; to reignite my imagination by helping me connect those thoughts to my physical desire.
We’ve always tried hard to have an open approach to such things – and tried equally hard to see them for the truth behind them, as opposed to turning on jealousy and frustration.
There’s always a risk of trying to venture back into that territory after life has taken you down a different path. And it can be a challenge to return to that space because there’s that sense of having “moved on”. I worry about that myself – but I’m slowly and meticulously finding ways to regain a sense of being a sexual person; a woman with ideas, desires and fantasies.
Trust me people, it’s worth the risk to open those lines of communication between each other … especially when real life begins to consume almost every sinew of your being.
A few days ago, one of the bloggers I follow on Twitter and through his blog, Sex In Words, posted a daily sex discussion question about having “uniform fantasies.” I replied that I believe quite a few women hold the fantasy of a hot man in a hot uniform doing hot things with her … to which some of you agreed, while a couple others asked about my own – and more importantly, why.
In my own highly-unscientifically proven opinion, I think the idea of a uniform fantasy plays into the submissive side of a woman’s libido – perhaps touching on the evolutionary nature of our role in the history of human development, whereby man was the provider/protector and woman was the reproducer/nurturer. Now, we all know – so don’t trash me – that modern times have brought us a vast change in the gender roles, but some human conditions remain deeply entrenched in the psyche.
But, I believe there is a significant appeal to the idea of a man being in total control, not just of himself and the sexual encounter the fantasies are based around, but in a sense of confidence and unflappable determination to do what is right. The “ideal” of the hero, a man’s man with a delightfully perfect blend of cockiness and kindness; he opens the door for you, but never lets you catch his gaze follow the sway of your hips as you pass. He’s the man who will protect from the “bad boy” but devour you with his eyes (and his tongue) just as quickly.
Bluntly, a man in uniform is never the bad guy, but he is still very much the man.
And, as I read in someone else’s take on the “man in control” fantasy, if you don’t understand that, you’ll never understand why poorly-written drivel like 50 Shades of Grey became so popular. Trust me; it wasn’t for literary excellence and believable character development.
My own fantasies shift between a variety of stages, as I mentioned in an earlier blog about maturing. But for the most part, those uniform fantasies remain consistently steamy in nature, and typical. A man in uniform quickly attracts my attention, more times than not because a uniform makes a man look complete.
While I find this current pop culture state of hipsterism somewhat charming, a man in a cardigan, rolled cuff jeans and a knit-toque in July doesn’t look “put together.” He looks … like he reads GQ for fashion trends of the month.
A man who slips into his dress uniform, with shining buttons and crisply ironed creases in his pants looks dashing; regardless of what designer fad may be circulating among the millennials this week. He looks “put together” and in control of his image and his reputation. He’s slightly conformist, but holds an air of authority. Equally, a shirtless firefighter, with rippling muscles and wearing only the pants to his bunker suit, is a delightful mental image.
And then there’s the role-play ideals: absolutely, my firefighter fantasy involves the “damsel in distress” scenario, whereby I need some sort of gorgeous man to come to my rescue; while my police officer fantasy tends to be equally typical in its approach that I find myself in some sort of trouble and needing to be creative in how I make restitution for my actions.
In my mind, I can craft the ideal … and play the fantasy at the speed and degree of heat that I want; all in a submissive, “rescue me” state of orgasmic consciousness.
In real life, it’s the same for a man who can wear a tux with confidence. I see a lot of these men at weddings and certain gala events I’m privileged to attend and you can tell they’ve never mastered the “swagger” of wearing the ultimate in men’s style. A tux – unless it’s blue velvet – is a timeless, polished look. If you look awkward, it’s going to show more than you can ever imagine.
Or maybe, you’d relate better in these terms: a man who knows how to carry off a tux with confidence is more likely to get my panties to drop – and probably drop into his tux jacket pocket long before we ever leave for somewhere more intimate, like the coat-check.
But that, my sharp-dressed men, is a completely different fantasy!