Category Archives: Twitter
Recently on my Twitter account, one of my followers asked me if I felt my 20-something self was sexier than my current self. It’s not the first time someone has posed this question to me, and so it’s not something that I haven’t given much thought to.
I think a lot of it depends on your own perspective of what is “sexy.” Without question, I think the younger me is far more attractive than the current me. She’s thinner, she still has her long brown hair, and life hasn’t thrown as many punches at her yet. I absolutely would love the physical her back. But, she’s also a lot more naive. She has a few more hang-ups and isn’t quite as sure of herself.
The me of today … well … she’s not as ‘pretty’ as that skinny young thing, but she has a lot more life experience. The stresses in her life haven’t been overly kind, but she is comfortable with her sexuality and has no problems exploring what life can offer. She has conquered quite a few of her fears and fulfilled some of her fantasies. Those experiences have given her a lot more courage and confidence.
To me, sexy isn’t just a physical quality. It’s much more about confidence and courage. It’s about being able to follow your own path and hold your head high regardless of your decisions. It’s about being honest with yourself and recognizing that life is meant to be an adventure.
Is the 20-something Andee ‘sexier’? Not quite. She’s the one who is on that incredible journey to discovery. She (in my opinion) is more physically attractive, but she’s no more sexy than the me of today.
Having said that, my new adventure – and the opportunity to discover even more about who I am, and what my relationship with my husband means – will take me even closer to being the ‘sexy’ that I could comfortably admit to: confident, courageous … and maybe able to fit into those naughty clothes all over again!
It all started with a silly little tweet about my latest naughty adventure – a new video – that was available for anyone who has an inclination towards those kinds of things. I know I’m not the best “salesperson” online, but every now and then I do try to “promote” the items that make ‘Andee’ who she is online … you know, the naughty bits.
My friend Miles responded by asking me if there was a time when things like my sex toys were intimidating.
And still … yes.
Now, for the longer explanation.
My first experience with a sex toy came when I was 18. I’d been with my boyfriend for a couple years at that point and, without question, we were rapidly discovering a whole new level of sexual adventure and excitement. A few weeks earlier we had been enjoying a quiet night at home with a bottle of wine and lots of foreplay. For some reason, I thought I would really blow his mind and use the now-empty wine bottle as a sex toy. The reaction from him was 10 times better than the sensation for me. Somewhere in my sexual psyche I had just figured out how powerful this visual torment could be.
It wasn’t long after I was the recipient of a proper, cock-shaped, c-battery powered vibrator. It was a very vanilla replication of a man’s cock. I think it was about six inches long, hard plastic and moulded like a very veiny penis. I never really figured out why it was so veiny, because it wasn’t something I could truly determine while it was in use. Later versions of the vibrating fake penis in my life where softer material and provided a much more accurate feeling. Veiny or not, hard plastic is hard plastic.
I still remember quiet clearly how nervous I was to use it after I opened the packaging. A lot of that intimidation was purely because I had no experience with such a thing, and was a little apprehensive over the idea of having something like it inside me. Add to that was the now-expected reality of allowing him to watch me use it – and allowing him to use it on me.
It’s definitely one thing to do spontaneous silly sexual experiments after a couple drinks – and another to incorporate foreign objects into your sex life as a habit.
The sensation of a vibrator sliding into you is hard to describe – especially to an audience that, for the most part, doesn’t have a vagina. And I can’t even say “try slipping one into your ass” to compare … because in my experience, that sensation is also different – despite only being a thin layer of tissue further south.
It was … weird … at first. It still is, to be honest. It’s a very unique sensation, but pleasant. For me, I won’t ever reach an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. That’s just the way I’m built. And most women are the same. However, the feeling of this vibrating shaft inside you certainly fires up all those nerves that help with drawing out an orgasm.
After a couple years of continued experimentation, I finally settled on something that has become my trusted “go to”. Small, but powerful, there’s nothing intimidating to it at all. When I masturbate I focus specifically on the area of my clit that will produce an orgasm; rarely do I perform any penetration. For me, that part of masturbation is really for an audience – be it you or my husband.
But that isn’t to say I haven’t continued to explore the “intriguing.”
I think the next true “frightening” toy that came my way was this huge hard plastic wand I received as a hostess gift for a lingerie and toy party I held (a different blog topic). It came with a small bullet vibrator you put in the middle of the long shaft. It took me a very long time to realize that this toy wasn’t actually meant for vaginal insertion (no, I didn’t discover it that way). Suffice to say, the bullet was repurposed and the plastic “bat” quietly disappeared.
It’s starting to seem like “hard plastic” is the issue for me … hmm.
The vibrator that prompted my friend to ask recently whether or not I experienced any fear over “moving parts” was, actually, the next step in my sex toy adventure. Long before they became an orgasmic sensation from the hype of Sex in the City, I had learned about this kind of toy. I was very intrigued by it, and can say it was the first sex toy I bought completely on my own – knowing my husband would hardly complain about my decision.
By the time I found it in the store, I had already become rather enthusiastic about the idea of the multiple options provided by this toy. I’m sure you can relate to the idea of being so excited for something helps eliminate the apprehension and nerves. I recall driving just a little faster on the way home from the sex shop. I was more than ready for a whole new orgasm by the time I packed the AAs into the handle and set the magic in motion.
It didn’t disappoint … several times that first afternoon.
Thinking back on my sex toy adventures, I would really have to say that the only thing that still ‘rattles’ me a little when I think about it, are the very large rubber dildos I have. These things are modelled after some very big cocks – the kind of size that is an honest rarity and reality in (I hazard to say) the huge majority of women’s sexual experience. Yes, guys will respond to this with the typical “you ain’t seen mine, baby.” But, as much as you want to believe there are an abundance of big dicks out there, statistics show that fact is more about big egos than big packages.
The average erect penis measures in around 5.5 inches. And, frankly, a ruler should never be part of your flesh-on-flesh sex life anyway.
My largest dildo measures in around 9 inches and is easily the biggest thing I have had inside me. Yes, the feeling is incredible, deep, hot … take any sexual adjective you can find and use it. BUT, the idea of getting something that big into me always makes my knees weak – and not with sexual delight. While massive cocks might be an ego boost in the locker room, they hurt like hell in the pussy. Perhaps one of mainstream porn’s biggest myths…
Despite having two children vaginally and a somewhat healthy sex life, it is this act that intimidates me the most. Strange as it may seem, the idea of many moving, vibrating parts – buzzing bunny ears, rotating micro-pearls and a twisting rubber head drizzled with a warming lube designed to heighten her experience – are less frightening to me than kneeling above a 9-inch rubber monster while wearing only a pair of stiletto heels and easing myself onto it. The vibrator I know will produce an orgasmic response from my body – riding the huge cock really won’t. The sensation of being so completely filled in a sexual sense is exciting, especially when I know how much of a turn on it is to my husband (and you guys) to watch me ride it – and while it rubs my tonsils from down below, it doesn’t rub be where those nerve endings will take me to sexual nirvana.
To me, the idea of the performance – and meeting the expectations of the audience – is far more intimidating than using a toy with a lot of moving parts. And, in my experience, that’s what a lot of those toys are really about – performing. My girlfriends will occasionally admit when the subject arises that, for the most part, a very simple external massager is what curls the toes. Masturbation for the sake of masturbation isn’t nearly as engaging as masturbation for the sake of getting others to masturbate.
And with all that said, it’s very important – extremely important – that men understand nothing will ever replace the feeling of having a real, in-the-flesh rock hard cock sliding into you. There’s no mechanical device that will ever replace that sensation and level of intimacy. So, there really doesn’t need to be any fear of being replaced by a vibrator.
But don’t be afraid to enjoy the show, either.
When I launched my website back in 2002, I never imagined I would still be doing it today. And while 13 years may not seem like a lot, in the “amateur porn” industry, it really is a lifetime. You guys have watched me evolve, both physically and emotionally, through a very key part of my adult life – from my mid-20s to now. And even though “Andee” is a small part of who I really am, she is also an important part of how I arrived at so many experiences and friendships.
And, equally so, there remains many misconceptions surrounding amateur porn, “Andee” and my life because of it.
8 utterly false things about me that people think are true
1. Since I have an adult website, I must also be an escort/prostitute
I’m not sure what it is about some people, but when they discover a woman who has some very … boring … reasons to dabble in the opportunity presented by the Internet (ie, adult photos), they automatically assume that she is available for hire for sexual services; that somehow, because I get naked for the camera, I have no qualms about giving it up to any man with a few shekels in his pocket. My website is not an invitation for sex; it really is a much more boring reality: I wanted to explore my exhibitionist side. I have never exchanged sexual services for money, nor do I have any intention of doing so in the future.
Please stop asking.
2. I’m oblivious to the nasty comments
In all the time I have been playing on the Internet, this is the one thing that I have never gotten used to and never truly understood. Without question, I have made some wonderful friends online – people that I may never meet face-to-face. These men and women have come to know me much better through the marvels of the Internet. But unfortunately, I have also discovered others who have nothing better to do than send the most vile and hate-filled words. I’ve been called almost every imaginable degrading label you can apply to a woman, accused of breaking up marriages and had threats made against me – all of that anonymously, of course.
But I have to accept that the same Internet that allows me to freely explore and express my sexuality in a somewhat “anonymous” fashion also affords the trolls the same anonymity to disperse their vitriol under the guise of freedom of speech.
3. It’s all about the money
Truth be told, it’s almost the complete opposite. I started my website – and my very first posts online before then – as a way to create a bit of fun and spice in my marriage. Even today, some several thousand photographs later, our sessions are still about us and our marital fun – which explains some of the time lapse between the updates.
As for the making money part, I’m terrible at promoting my own website compared to some of the other women I have encountered in this “business.” The fact that I do reap a small reward for my nudity isn’t the motivator – if it was about money, I’d probably have found a much more lucrative way to make it (see #1).
4. I’m a narcissist
“Andee” is a character that has been created and developed over the past 13 years. My driver’s licence doesn’t say “Andee.” Sure, a big part of who she is comes from my personal experiences, but I can assure you that away from the Internet, less than a dozen people in my real life know anything about her. In my day-to-day life, she hardly exists but for the occasional tweets and messages. I don’t carry her bravery with me, or her brazen outlook online and ability to demonstrate unwavering confidence in who she is. Even though she is part of me, I’m still learning from her.
Trust me, if I was a narcissist, she’d be way more popular and I’d be way more out of the amateur porn closet, so to speak.
5. I have sexual esteem issues
I’m not sure where that idea comes from; that somehow I’m flawed and need the accolades provided by the online community. Maybe some people really do believe that the posting of photos and the small ego boost that comes from the interaction with those looking at them is the key to why I do it. They must have skipped the part about the nastiness – because that is far more prevalent on the Internet today than any kindness towards a 40-year old amateur model who just happens to think there’s nothing wrong with nudity. For every kind word and playful interaction, there is far more negativity. That’s the nature of the Internet today, and the true flaws within people.
But, I’ll offer this much about the sexual esteem: my relationship with my husband has given me far more sexual esteem than dabbling online. What you get to see are the benefits and insight into those experiences, not some desperate attempt to stroke my fragile ego.
6. I have no moral compass
Doing what I do does not make me a bad person. It does not mean I have no capacity for making responsible and sexually healthy decisions. It doesn’t prevent me from guiding my sons from little boys into decent young men (which they are, thank you very much). I’m actually a very good person … but somehow because I post naughty stuff online, I’m some sort of sexually delinquent miscreant. I guess possessing “good morals” doesn’t exclude those other people from being judgemental.
7. I fuck anything that moves
I suppose this is an extension of #6. I could go on at length about what this is a huge misconception, but I’m too busy sharing intimate moments with the only man who has had his penis in my vagina in the past 25 years … yep, one guy. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed a very adventurous sexual experience with men and women otherwise, but when it comes to hardcore mattress dancing, so far only one dance partner has made my dance card.
And no, I’m not taking volunteers. Regardless of what personal talent you may believe you have, if my position on this was ever to change, it would be strictly on my terms.
8. I have no offline life
I know where this one comes from … because many women online treat it as their only life. However, my online life is – and has been for some time – meant to serve as a simple distraction from the world I know and see on a daily basis. I don’t sit in wait, cell phone/camera in hand, expecting to answer your text/tweet/email/request/etc. right away. I actually spend some time in that parallel universe known as “reality.”
So, there you go, an utterly upbeat blog entry about some of the preconceived notions people have of me. I’m almost certain many of these same judgements could be applied to any amateur model. But I can say the one thing that isn’t a preconceived notion, my experience online has certainly given me a thicker skin.
Late last week, one of my Twitter followers responded to a tweet I made about submission fantasies, asking how she might get her husband to be a little more ‘dominant’ in helping her heat up things in their relationship.
Full disclosure here: I have submission fantasies, but certainly not to the level of what we see in the tidal wave of over-hype around 50 Shades. The idea of being tied up, maybe blindfolded – to me, that’s erotic and exciting. But I’ve never been into spanking, slapping, riding crops, pancake spatulas, verbal degradation, etc. Nor have I really gotten into the whole “role play” idea of BDSM. You’re not my “master” … I’m not your “slave” … and no, I won’t call you “sir.” I can’t judge those who do enjoy it and find pleasure in their kink – just as much as I ask those of you who do indulge to that degree not to judge me for not finding it personally appealing. Each to their own; that’s the wonderful thing about sexual adventures, they are unique.
So with that said; to my Twitter peep’s issue.
I believe there are a lot of men who equally find the idea of domination/submission to be an awkward experience. Oh, I’m sure there’s a ton of bravado out there, but when it comes to testing those boundaries with the woman who dominates your heart and soul, it might be a challenge to step outside the respectful boundaries of a relationship. It’s not easy to go from the adoration you demonstrate outside of the bedroom to calling her a “slut” when she’s strapped to the mattress. There’s a different level of psychology involved in some sexual experiences; and for people who haven’t had a great deal of experience at pushing their own boundaries, it can be very difficult to try something new.
As adults, I think we fear our fear more than we fear the experience. We’re afraid to be judged, to be laughed at – to be vulnerable in moments of intimacy. And being vulnerable in BDSM moments isn’t just for the person in the role of the “submissive.” It takes a lot to be able to leave some things in the bedroom.
In my mind, for couples who are dabbling with light BDSM (being tied up, blindfolded), the power isn’t necessarily in the hands of the person doing the tying up. I think the woman (for our argument’s sake today) actually controls more of the situation than the man with her willingness to go to levels her own sexual comfort will take her.
If your partner is struggling to overcome his decency and respectfulness, then my advice is to guide him (I guess also, her) by using your own control to create your desired outcome. Instruct him on how you want to be tied up, tell him what it is that makes you feel excited and turned on and guide him through the scene. I think if a man is having difficulty treating the woman he loves in such a fashion, it’s because he is struggling to see her in a perceived situation of “surrendering” to him. When, in fact, if you’re the one taking the lead in setting the scene, you’re the director. Just because you’re tied to the bedposts doesn’t mean the other person is in charge.
Specifically to the person who reached out – start small; have him try tying just your hands above your head with one of his neckties, some moments like that.
And to all my readers – whether it’s a little BDSM, or photography, or sex in the back seat at the drive-in movie: every sexual moment requires amazing communication between you and your partner for it to be a great part of your adventure together.
Without question, I like to flirt. And I don’t discriminate; men, women, white, black, blue, green. I’m a people person and if I find a way to have a connection with someone who intrigues that part of my psyche, I’m game for a little flirtatious interaction. And I think if you have paid any attention along the way the past four years that I have been blogging and Twittering, you’ll know flirting is something I take very seriously.
Sadly, I’m also learning these days that flirting – even when done really well – is a dying art.
Five Reasons Flirting is Fading
I hazard to say that anyone working in a professional environment in North America can attest that workplace political correctness and over-bearing human resources policies have driven a huge wooden stake right through the heart of gender relations. Men and women are no longer allowed to play the Mars and Venus game, they are required to fall in line with some policy that says Marcie in accounting can’t be ogled by Bill in sales, even if Bill wasn’t actually ogling. We have policied ourselves into some level of social numbness where the only appropriate non-work related question can be able the lunch menu (if you dare).
Yes, sexual harassment is a real issue, but corporate policies are designed for mass implementation as opposed to identifying and addressing the cause. The challenge behind this is that it has created a huge scare, in which people are afraid to be anything but robotic little lemmings instead of individuals with unique interests, desires and senses of humour. The only safe conversation is “How was your weekend?” … and even can be sketchy at times. Oh, and Lord, don’t even mention your favourite NFL team if they happen to be from Washington, Kansas City or heaven-forbid, Green Bay (’cause all you know ‘packers’ has a suggestive meaning in some gay circles).
2. Technology Taints
A girl I work with – a single mom in her 40s – is back on the dating scene after her husband left her for some piece of fluff half her age. She’s learning that in this modern age, actual verbal communication falls low on the list of how it works. She’s also learning that the … um … sexual component of the dating game involves texting, sexting and selfies BEFORE an actual date has even taken place. I must say, we all did have a chuckle at the less than impressive penis shot her latest “date” sent her; this after only one brief encounter at a local coffee shop during her lunch hour.
What ever happened to the mystery?
Add to that, I just read an article today that says couples who meet online (dating sites, etc.) are less likely to get married and more likely to break up. I can only wonder if it’s because penis pics are becoming the norm … guys?
3. Conversation is Caput
Directly linked to the reason above, the two genders in our culture no longer seem to have the ability to talk to each other anymore. I see it constantly, especially with the younger adults. We’re connected to our gadgets. Sure, we can text 100 words per minute with just our thumbs, but we have no clue how to actually talk to someone of the opposite sex over a casual cup of coffee, never mind start up a flirtatious conversation ripe with barely-veiled sexual innuendo.
And even beyond the casual conversation that may occur between non-sexual relationships, we appear to have lost the ability – or maybe just the courage – to communicate with each other face-to-face.
4. Uber Feminism is Uber Annoying
I’m a feminist, an equalitist (made that one up) and a staunch believer in fairness all around. But I’m also woman and feminine enough to politely acknowledge a man who opens a door for me. I’m woman and girly enough to blush when a man (other than my husband) gives me a compliment on my hair/outfit/shoes/appropriate body part/etc. Some days I’ll even take the compliment on the inappropriate body part. I’m also woman enough to feel a little tingle between my thighs when I attract the attention of a man other than my husband, thus causing a slight distraction and/or dirty thought to pop into his head. In fact, I’m disappointed when I intentionally set out with that in mind and seemingly fail.
What I’m not is someone who is so fearful of my gender identity that I feel the need to treat men (and women) with suspicion and hostility just because they want to be nice to me. I’m not afraid of men, nor am I jealous and possessive to the point where my own husband is afraid of me.
We have forgotten how to be kind to each other and the anger between the sexes has created a battlefield where no one remembers how to act with dignity, grace and sincere flattery. We’ve forgotten that we’re supposed to have a polite level of sexual tension between us – that’s what leads to the preservation of the species through procreation.
5. Immediate Gratification
Our modern culture is focused strictly on satisfaction NOW. No one wants to wait; no one wants to invest some time and work towards a long-term reward. Flirting done well is an investment in the other person. It’s something that builds and forms a new layer in a relationship between two people. It’s not a cat-calling come-on, but a finely tuned conversation that allows the level of innuendo and humour to build naturally. Not done well it usually results in the other person thinking you’re just a horny creep.