Category Archives: Website
I wrote earlier about how, as I got older, my fantasies evolved.
I’m still outrageously turned on by the idea of sex with a stranger. If you’ve read my erotica, you’ll see that this is a common theme throughout; random encounters that have led to incredible moments of sexual discovery. Same with threesomes; the delicious naughtiness of having two playmates in my bed is phenomenal. Of course, writing about such ideas is somewhat easy – but it doesn’t make it any less of a fantasy for me.
As we mature, I think our fantasies do as well. Along with this, our willingness to let them flourish also matures; we become, in a sense, less intimidated by the notion. Our personal psychology has grown, our understanding developed and (hopefully) our fears reduced. It’s still natural to have some anxiety over these naughty thoughts in our imagination, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to put any of it into action.
For me, getting older also meant more freedom to let my imagination run wild. The guilt was gone, and the fear of being open about my thoughts also vanished. My fantasies became much more of an escape – and, as you probably have figured out, a huge part of my online not-so-secret life.
Part of the history of my website, and this blog, is deeply entrenched in my own fantasies: the voyeurism and exhibitionism, the exploration of where it could lead, the interaction with people on somewhat sexual terms. In a way, it touches on a part of me that was repressed for a long time (I grew up in a very Catholic house, so there’s a lot of repression in my life). And while “Andee” has really become this whole other woman so very different from the real me, she is still really me. She is the part of me who explores the fantasies, let’s her mind go crazy when she sees a cute guy, flirts like made with male coworkers and indulges in sexual innuendo. She doesn’t feel guilty, or as afraid; much braver than the real me.
So, what fantasies turn me on these days?
- Threesome sex – absolutely still very high on my list of sexual fantasies I want to turn into a reality. Been close, but just not quite. The idea of involving another man in our bedroom activity absolutely makes me wet.
- ‘Stranger’ sex – as mentioned at the start of today’s entry, this idea frequently pops into my mind when I’m feeling particularly horny. But not just random, nameless sex … my fantasy is complicated and detailed. Read my erotica and you’ll get it.
- Lesbian sex – my bi-sexual/bi-curious leaning drives me crazy sometimes. It’s something I had a small taste of, and I still yearn for the moment when I can sate my appetite for another woman.
That is really the strong trio of what fills my imagination with dirty, dirty thoughts and makes my panties moist when my mind gets a bit too carried away.
After my last entry on being more comfortable with sex in my 40s, someone asked me if my sexual boundaries had changed – are they looser or firmer? Had my past experiences done anything to shape how I define my sexuality and sense of adventure?
Wishy-washy answer is yes.
Let me take you a bit deeper. I think life experience in general leads to people changing their sexual boundaries. To me, they’ve never been immovable stone walls. As you try new things and discover likes and dislikes, kinks and twists, they move. It’s no different than your taste for food or fashion. “The times, they are a changin'”
As a young woman, newly married and outrageously naive in the ways of the world, my sexual boundaries were pretty clear and straight forward. I had never considered acting on any of my fantasies – or even just talk about them. I had repressed a lot of those ‘thoughts’ because of my staunch Catholic upbringing. The wildest thing I was willing (with great reluctance and internal conflict) to try was a vibrator. And even then, I had never expressed a desire to try one, my boyfriend at the time thought it would be fun.
He was right.
About the only sense of adventure I had back then was posing for pictures. I had already become comfortable in front of the camera from some experience in mainstream (aka non-nude) modelling.
That proved to be the key to Andee’s own Pandoras Box. It was from there that new ideas, experiences and sexual confidence grew. As the photos evolved from teasingly playful to stocking-clad pin-ups to all-out nudes, a naughtier side of me emerged. Of course, it helped that my husband was very open and supportive. He encouraged me to break free from a lot of unhealthy thoughts and discover many new things about myself.
He allowed me to explore without jealousy, listened to my thoughts and helped me shape some my fantasies – and turn some of them into realities.
My sexual boundaries had grown pretty wide during those days.
But life also has this crazy way of putting you in your place. It’s not so much ‘all good things must come to an end’ … It was just that other priorities became top priorities. And when those priorities have been dealt with, time has passed and that hot, slim brunette vixen has evolved into that road-weary soccer mom with grey hair and crows feet.
If anything, the past eight years have pulled those boundaries back in. Somethings just took a back seat – sexual discovery included. And a dose of reality pushed out some of the fantasy.
But, they’re still movable. My challenge now is to see if I can, and just how far can they really go. Some of that involves evaluating what’s important to me now – both sexually and non.
I may just start back at the beginning … with that delightful buzzing sex toy.
A question that came up quite some time ago that I have been giving some thought to is “Has blogging helped you with your sex life?”
I started my blog a long time ago for two specific reasons: it gave me an outlet to express a side of me I felt I couldn’t do in my offline life, and secondly – bluntly – it also serves as another affiliate to my Southern Charms website. As my site began to build up a bit of a fan base, and I found some comfort in my social media experience, it seemed to be a logical step.
I’ll be honest, at first, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’m not really a writer, I have some interesting thoughts to share but I’m not always the best at putting them down in writing. Thankfully I have a really good editor and writing coach. That said, having him read some of my most intimate thoughts was a huge hurdle for me. My husband and I have a very close and open relationship, but it was still new territory. There were things I still hadn’t share with him.
Exposing your vulnerable side is difficult, even to your soulmate. Trust has been crucial.
Then there was the unknown of opening up to the masses. I was apprehensive about the reality of trolls, the insults, to spammers and digital stalkers. I was well-acquainted to that side of the Internet and it took some learning about how to deal with the keyboard idiots, but the good quickly far outweighed the bad.
Some of what I share is news to him, as much as it is to you. There have been more than a few occasions when letting him read what was going on with me was easier than talking. Again, just because we’re married doesn’t mean we still don’t have our own independence.
I think as we started to talk about what I was writing, both he and I began to discover a new side to our marriage. He was certainly learning a lot about me – which then led to me learning a lot about him. When you have deeper knowledge of another person, your relationship changes – sometimes for the better, sometimes for the bad. Ours was definitely better.
Opening up my sexual fantasies to my husband has led to not only better and hotter sex between us, but it has also led to me having the opportunities to turn some of them into reality. That would have never happened if I didn’t have the courage to expose that vulnerable side – something writing about my thoughts and experiences has helped.
Another aspect of blogging improving my sex life has been just the improvement in my overall comfort with being open. I’ve been able to shed a lot of my hangups. Writing has put me in touch with a part of my imagination that needed an outlet.
I started thinking about this blog post before I actually wrote the #metoo rant … so I had to go back and give this some thought again. The question was originally put to me when I was updating on a more regular basis.
Is our obsession with today’s “celebrity culture” killing our sex lives?
Short and sweet. I think it really is. But it’s tied to a lot of how we’ve allowed the celebrity culture into our lives. It’s not just about another Kartrashian having yet another child with yet another basketball player or rapper that they’re not married to. It’s that, plus numerous other ways we give them credence and power over how we choose to exist in our less exciting worlds.
Think about how much social media plays a monumental role in our validation as people today. Or, our lies.
First, let’s be honest about me. I’m not exactly who you think I am. “Andee” is simply someone I have created, along with the help of my husband and my imagination, to become an online personality. A lot of what “she” shares with you is very real; the experiences, the thoughts, the ideas, the photos. But it’s not all of me. I have many very normal and mundane qualities that rarely surface in Andee. She is the sexual dynamo. She is the brave warrior who flirts shamelessly with coworkers, pursues her bi-curiosities and dresses in stockings and a garterbelt for a day at the office.
She’s the woman you wish lived next door, the woman my husband wished he woke up to every day (he’d say much different, but come on, he’s a horny dog like the rest of you and would love a nothing-but-sexually adventurous wife 24/7), and she’s the woman with unrelenting feminine confidence with a closet full or lingerie and power suits.
She’s not the woman who suffered through a cancer scare, endometriosis and a hysterectomy. She’s not the woman who’s battled through bouts of depression and almost crippling self-doubt. She’s not the scarred survivor of parenthood, filled with doubt and frustration. Her dark days never surface on here …
But things like that aren’t fun to blog about; nor are they ideas that I spent several years wanting to blog about. The sex and relationship stuff has always been my escape; my desire to be better and desired. So, in that sense, “Andee” is a big part of who I am.
Some of her is me, some of me is her. All of it is carefully vetted for the Internet; just like the celebrity lives we live through vicariously on Twitter and Instagram. Edited, cleansed and digitally enhanced.
Is it that difficult to see how these things will change our perspective on sex and relationships? When we only see the carefully concocted moments in brilliant lives, can we even begin to imagine that supermodels fart, or celebrities get that same three-month-long cough our lovely co-worker had last winter and refused to get treatment for?
With the Internet, we have a short cut to fulfilling the advice our parents’ gave us about being anything we want to be. All we need to do is apply the right filter, backdrop or snippets about vacation destinations.
Celebrity lives are no different – except they do that with the intent of drawing us closer to the false flame of belief. We are expected to believe they have perfect lives so we’ll continue to validate their place in society. The pursuit of perfection is in everything they do – the perfect role, perfect partner, perfect look, perfect body … the perfect endorsement deal.
That path leads to a very large part of our society thinking they need to live up to those expectations – and achieve the same degree of perfection … all without grasping the reality. It feeds the fire of “keeping up with the Joneses.”
It’s the “Judge me for the number of ‘likes’” approach to living.
As a result, our culture becomes even more materialistic as people begin to place higher values on things over relationships.
The challenge is to see through that veil and rise above. I’m finding it gets way easier as I get older and let go of the need to be validated by society under these standards.
Here we are…some 15 months since we were last together.
I stopped keeping my blog up-to-date because, basically, I had run out of ideas to write about. And, along with that, I had also entered a bit of down-cycle in my own sex life, so some of the inspiration was gone.
That doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with where I’m at. Far from it. It means I reached a very real stage where life took over; things got busy. I couldn’t pretend to be the woman you were reading about anymore. That’s the real challenge with having an online persona that has a limited dimension (let’s be honest, it was all about the sex). When you lose that fire, it becomes difficult to maintain the façade.
I enjoy these cycles though. Even though my sex life at present doesn’t involve swinging from the chandeliers or diving naked into a moaning pile of sexy people in mid-orgy, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other adventures happening. They’re just not as sexy – or worth blogging about here. As sex becomes less wild to write about, other highs and lows emerge. For me those moments were the past few years as a parent to very active teenagers.
Teenagers who didn’t want to know too much about how mom was spending her free time…and I don’t want to bring them into this mix. They’re going to need enough therapy as it is…
The question is now…can I find some inspiration to write again?