Category Archives: Website
Here we are…some 15 months since we were last together.
I stopped keeping my blog up-to-date because, basically, I had run out of ideas to write about. And, along with that, I had also entered a bit of down-cycle in my own sex life, so some of the inspiration was gone.
That doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with where I’m at. Far from it. It means I reached a very real stage where life took over; things got busy. I couldn’t pretend to be the woman you were reading about anymore. That’s the real challenge with having an online persona that has a limited dimension (let’s be honest, it was all about the sex). When you lose that fire, it becomes difficult to maintain the façade.
I enjoy these cycles though. Even though my sex life at present doesn’t involve swinging from the chandeliers or diving naked into a moaning pile of sexy people in mid-orgy, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other adventures happening. They’re just not as sexy – or worth blogging about here. As sex becomes less wild to write about, other highs and lows emerge. For me those moments were the past few years as a parent to very active teenagers.
Teenagers who didn’t want to know too much about how mom was spending her free time…and I don’t want to bring them into this mix. They’re going to need enough therapy as it is…
The question is now…can I find some inspiration to write again?
I dealt with this question a long time ago, but it still comes up quite a lot still. The reality is, my perspective isn’t about to change much on it for a number of reasons, but…
Have you ever played on web-camera for an audience? Would you ever do web shows as part of your thing online?
I haven’t played on webcam in a very long time; in fact, it’s been almost 12 years with the exception of a couple of rare exceptions.
When I first figured out the whole webcam thing, it was kind of exciting. The idea of connecting with complete strangers over the “safety” of the Internet was exhilarating. It was a huge leap in sexual and technological exploration for me – and a safe way to feel out my exhibitionist side. At first it was flirtatious fun, a little flashing here and there … a bit of watching, a lot of teasing and innuendo.
Absolutely, I found it kind of exciting, and it certainly fueled a lot of my bi-curious side as I would check out the women on cam quite frequently. The site I used to frequent was filled with a wide variety of different chatrooms, and a lot of very sexy people.
But like a lot of things in life, after the novelty wears off, it wasn’t not as much fun. The whole experience began to digress into a bunch of aggressive guys begging to see various parts of my anatomy and behaving quite rudely. I guess, maybe in a very selfish way, I grew tired of the demands to show my tits and ass while some guy stroked his manhood – note I did not say requests. I said “demands“ for a reason.
With some of the guys I had come to know online, and shared both a sexual and intellectual level of chat with, it was exciting and fun. But the guys who assumed right off the bat that if I was online and on camera, that I was automatically some kind of slut or prostitute willing to hike up my skirt on demand, eroded a lot of that fun for me.
Out of frustration with the whole thing, I unplugged my webcam, found other ways to indulge my personal sexual desires and moved on. And so, I haven’t done any webcam stuff for quite some time.
My hubby and I once discussed offering a webcam show option as part of my Southern Charms site – or even maybe dabbling with another webcam site – but to date, nothing has come of it. I’m still not 100 per cent sure I am really a webcam kind of girl anyway … and so, no doubt much to the chagrin of many who continue to ask, I haven’t pursued it.
My friend, Miles, shared this article with me that appeared in a trashy women’s magazine – you know, the one that considers “How to please your man in bed” and “Keep him interested with this month’s sex tips” to be journalism. However, that said, occasionally they do have articles worth reading.
The article my friend shared was a personal perspective from a fairly well-known ‘amateur’ Internet model about how it feels to pose naked. Obviously, I was intrigued; because as someone who does that kind of thing every now and then, I like to discover what others think of the act.
While the piece was well-written, and described how this particular model set out to find photographers, locations and themes, it didn’t really cover the reality that many of us in the amateur porn business share. Her experience was more of a self-directed Playboy lifestyle as opposed to the challenges that those of us who have amateur adult websites truly face. Most of us don’t have the ability/freedom/social condition that allows us to become a somewhat low-grade pin-up girl. “Amateur” to a lot of our fans truly means no $1,000 lighting, make-up artists, costume designers and pimped out hot rods or Harleys to sprawl over. And for the money most of us actually do make, we’re not exactly liquid enough to pay the crew.
And then there is the emotional side. I would never recommend this adventure to anyone; it must be an absolutely individual choice. It’s not like trying a new restaurant – it’s a “you can never take it back” exploit. The writer described her experience of one with almost romantic nuances. She missed out on the constant fear of being outted: the impact it may have on your career, you children and your marriage. Not to mention the guilt that still surfaces even after 13 years of posing naked.
However, it was interesting to read how she discovered that there are fetishes for just about every taste – but she didn’t expand on how vile some of them can be. Instead, she chose to expand on how she found herself gravitating to foot fetish crowd. It’s a fairly safe fetish community, same with the guys who love pantyhose, wet clothing, etc. Some fetishes are playful, fun and curious. She failed to mention the ones where guys want us to shit and piss in our panties and spread it all over, or the female pedophilia, incest and ‘pretend’ snuff.
The more prevalent experience that those of us in the amateur porn business face isn’t close to her “New York glamour.” We cope with online harassment almost daily, disgusting requests for things I would never have ever imagined could be sexually stimulating, fraud, copyright infringement and judgement. A lot of that aspect of being an amateur model is why I rarely bother with email anymore. I prefer the succinctness of Twitter – and its ability to block the offensive from my life.
The wives and girlfriends can be fun too. I’ve written before about how I’ve been threatened, accused of causing divorce and being a homewrecker … all because their partner happened to enjoy my photos and videos. At first, it took me by surprise. But over time I learned to laugh at it and recognize there are bigger issues in those relationships than a few images of me in lingerie left on someone’s hard drive.
Most of us accept what comes our way as the cost of pursuing something we find titillating and exciting. But I don’t think a lot of us ever consider the real cost of what it means to our lives; and those around us. Not that they would, but because of my hobby, no one in my family could ever pursue a political career.
When you get into amateur porn, you also have to become well-versed in copyright laws. It doesn’t take long to discover your photos will appear everywhere on the Internet, almost exclusively without permission. I’m fortunate in being part of the Southern Charms community in that we have a very aggressive copyright infringement team and seasoned lawyers to minimize the impact; but you can never stop it all. Sites like Tumblr, Blogger and the multitude of discussion boards, torrents, rapid share, etc. make it extremely difficult to protect your image and brand from theft.
That’s the primary reason why I stopped participating in online chats. Although I enjoyed connecting with the guys online, and having some time to be someone other than a Mom, wife and career woman, it just became easier to stop altogether and tell people “if you’re talking to ‘Andee’ you’re not talking to the real me.”
I would have never imagined there would be people out there who would want to pretend to be me and mislead guys into cybering/chatting/picture sharing/etc.
But there is … and they do. Still.
So, nice little rant to refresh my blog with … but let me end with this: while I rant about the content behind the article, I admire the writer for sharing it. Whether you have wonderful success as a professional ‘amateur’ model like her, or are the lowly wife-looking-to-spice-it-up like me, it takes a lot of courage to pose naked. You life changes immediately – and in ways you may not be considering as you roll your panties down over your knees for the first time on camera.
But, make no mistake, I chose to do this – and have to accept the bad that comes with the good.
When I launched my website back in 2002, I never imagined I would still be doing it today. And while 13 years may not seem like a lot, in the “amateur porn” industry, it really is a lifetime. You guys have watched me evolve, both physically and emotionally, through a very key part of my adult life – from my mid-20s to now. And even though “Andee” is a small part of who I really am, she is also an important part of how I arrived at so many experiences and friendships.
And, equally so, there remains many misconceptions surrounding amateur porn, “Andee” and my life because of it.
8 utterly false things about me that people think are true
1. Since I have an adult website, I must also be an escort/prostitute
I’m not sure what it is about some people, but when they discover a woman who has some very … boring … reasons to dabble in the opportunity presented by the Internet (ie, adult photos), they automatically assume that she is available for hire for sexual services; that somehow, because I get naked for the camera, I have no qualms about giving it up to any man with a few shekels in his pocket. My website is not an invitation for sex; it really is a much more boring reality: I wanted to explore my exhibitionist side. I have never exchanged sexual services for money, nor do I have any intention of doing so in the future.
Please stop asking.
2. I’m oblivious to the nasty comments
In all the time I have been playing on the Internet, this is the one thing that I have never gotten used to and never truly understood. Without question, I have made some wonderful friends online – people that I may never meet face-to-face. These men and women have come to know me much better through the marvels of the Internet. But unfortunately, I have also discovered others who have nothing better to do than send the most vile and hate-filled words. I’ve been called almost every imaginable degrading label you can apply to a woman, accused of breaking up marriages and had threats made against me – all of that anonymously, of course.
But I have to accept that the same Internet that allows me to freely explore and express my sexuality in a somewhat “anonymous” fashion also affords the trolls the same anonymity to disperse their vitriol under the guise of freedom of speech.
3. It’s all about the money
Truth be told, it’s almost the complete opposite. I started my website – and my very first posts online before then – as a way to create a bit of fun and spice in my marriage. Even today, some several thousand photographs later, our sessions are still about us and our marital fun – which explains some of the time lapse between the updates.
As for the making money part, I’m terrible at promoting my own website compared to some of the other women I have encountered in this “business.” The fact that I do reap a small reward for my nudity isn’t the motivator – if it was about money, I’d probably have found a much more lucrative way to make it (see #1).
4. I’m a narcissist
“Andee” is a character that has been created and developed over the past 13 years. My driver’s licence doesn’t say “Andee.” Sure, a big part of who she is comes from my personal experiences, but I can assure you that away from the Internet, less than a dozen people in my real life know anything about her. In my day-to-day life, she hardly exists but for the occasional tweets and messages. I don’t carry her bravery with me, or her brazen outlook online and ability to demonstrate unwavering confidence in who she is. Even though she is part of me, I’m still learning from her.
Trust me, if I was a narcissist, she’d be way more popular and I’d be way more out of the amateur porn closet, so to speak.
5. I have sexual esteem issues
I’m not sure where that idea comes from; that somehow I’m flawed and need the accolades provided by the online community. Maybe some people really do believe that the posting of photos and the small ego boost that comes from the interaction with those looking at them is the key to why I do it. They must have skipped the part about the nastiness – because that is far more prevalent on the Internet today than any kindness towards a 40-year old amateur model who just happens to think there’s nothing wrong with nudity. For every kind word and playful interaction, there is far more negativity. That’s the nature of the Internet today, and the true flaws within people.
But, I’ll offer this much about the sexual esteem: my relationship with my husband has given me far more sexual esteem than dabbling online. What you get to see are the benefits and insight into those experiences, not some desperate attempt to stroke my fragile ego.
6. I have no moral compass
Doing what I do does not make me a bad person. It does not mean I have no capacity for making responsible and sexually healthy decisions. It doesn’t prevent me from guiding my sons from little boys into decent young men (which they are, thank you very much). I’m actually a very good person … but somehow because I post naughty stuff online, I’m some sort of sexually delinquent miscreant. I guess possessing “good morals” doesn’t exclude those other people from being judgemental.
7. I fuck anything that moves
I suppose this is an extension of #6. I could go on at length about what this is a huge misconception, but I’m too busy sharing intimate moments with the only man who has had his penis in my vagina in the past 25 years … yep, one guy. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed a very adventurous sexual experience with men and women otherwise, but when it comes to hardcore mattress dancing, so far only one dance partner has made my dance card.
And no, I’m not taking volunteers. Regardless of what personal talent you may believe you have, if my position on this was ever to change, it would be strictly on my terms.
8. I have no offline life
I know where this one comes from … because many women online treat it as their only life. However, my online life is – and has been for some time – meant to serve as a simple distraction from the world I know and see on a daily basis. I don’t sit in wait, cell phone/camera in hand, expecting to answer your text/tweet/email/request/etc. right away. I actually spend some time in that parallel universe known as “reality.”
So, there you go, an utterly upbeat blog entry about some of the preconceived notions people have of me. I’m almost certain many of these same judgements could be applied to any amateur model. But I can say the one thing that isn’t a preconceived notion, my experience online has certainly given me a thicker skin.
The very strange and somewhat ‘sad’ mobile app launched today – Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend. The idea is for those lonely hearts to create a façade of having someone in their intimate life by relying on an app to send them text messages, phone calls, selfies and a handwritten note – all for around $25.
Now far be it from me to cast any judgement on anyone who would use such a service. I get “loneliness” and I get the need to put up a brave front among those more relationship-privileged peers and family members. And, according to the creators, it can also help maintain the shield of those in somewhat unique relationships or fear scorn for their sexual orientation by creating a plotline of romance and affection.
You know some people will buy into this.
But I started to think, despite the novelty concept, is this what technology has driven us to? Have we become such a society where we need to rely on our electronic gadgets to fulfill a relationship void in our lives?
Kinda scary when you get right down to it.
But all along, I kept thinking “invisible boyfriend … mine’s in the drawer in my night stand.”