Category Archives: Flirting

The disappearance of flirting

I heard the other that an organization in Hollywood is asking producers to change how they conduct auditions with actresses, obviously a direct result of the #metoo campaign.

Without question, the dynamics of how we relate to each other on a sexual level has been changed by the #metoo movement.

I don’t necessarily mean “sexual” as in “sex” … but it has certainly changed the relationship between men and women. There’s a great deal more caution in the workplace, and I’ve noticed a lot of conversations have become more guarded than they ever were. The flirtations have vanished; the innuendo, squashed …

It’s somewhat disappointing on a personal level. On here, or in my real life, I’ve never made it a secret that I enjoy flirting. I enjoy the mating dance between the sexes, and I enjoy the notion that someone may find me sexually attractive. I’ve said it before; those little nuances – the glances, the winks, the smiles, the attention – provide me with a sense of validation as a woman. Yes, love me for my brain … but don’t stifle the lust you might harbour for my company and my body.

As a woman, I have very mixed feelings about the campaign and how it has morphed from putting an end to sexual exploitation in Hollywood and politics to, dare I say it, a bit of a tornado of gender politics. I realize that is a contentious position to take, especially as a woman. We’ve seen examples of people being accused (let’s cut to the chase – men being accused) of sexual harassment and assault when something on a date went awry. And while the truth of harassment might exist in many of the cases brought forward, there are others where it is nothing more than vengeance.

Some are calling that “collateral damage” … which is outrageously unfair to the innocent lives affected by the accusations. Women who speak out against the #metoo accusers are met with this new strategy of shouting you down … bullying of sorts, and demanding they surrender their “woman card” because they’re obviously not part of the sisterhood.

Misogyny exists. Yes, I have also had my share of “creepy” moments – but I’ve never let that define me. I’ve never felt inspired to whip up a protest placard and march on the streets (Full disclosure, I’m not that motivated anyway). I’ve had to endure awkwardness in the workplace, sexual commentary that bordered on obscene, harassment online and full-on assumptions about my sexual availability for cash simply because I have a naughty hobby. I still receive dozens of unsolicited dick pics, meeting requests and uncensored commentary on what they would like to do to me as an object, as opposed to a person with an intellect.

Men have tried to “exert” their position of power over me, unsuccessfully. At the same time, I’ve often admitted to using my own feminine wiles and charms to advance my own devious distractions and amusement.

In actuality, I feel less safe walking at night than I do in a workplace full of horny men. But that uneasy feeling existed long before Hollywood celebrities started falling from grace. I don’t chalk that up to workplace misogyny. Women have felt that fear for decades, and it’s about a much different and darker kind of gender power if you ask me.

But all that hasn’t turned me against the idea that men and women can relate, can have fun – and that we all should own some responsibility in how we behave. It hasn’t made me anti-man.

As we seen in the #metoo debate, there are many sides to an argument. We’ve seen questionable behaviour from men AND from women in regard to exerting sexual power over another. Judgement has occasionally been lacking, common decency in short supply and mutual respect almost nil.

The dynamics of how we all now relate has been altered forever by this activism and staunch side-taking. We’ve lost the subtle nuances of the flirting, and made relationships that much more difficult.

Yes, it’s easy for me to sit here and hold these opinions, not really having had such “casting couch” experiences – but at the same time, as a mother of two young men, it terrifies me to think their future could be compromised because a spiteful and emboldened young lady didn’t like the lobster bisque.

Andee     xoxo

 

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Webcamming | Andee in real time?

I dealt with this question a long time ago, but it still comes up quite a lot still. The reality is, my perspective isn’t about to change much on it for a number of reasons, but…

05f0c-cameraHave you ever played on web-camera for an audience? Would you ever do web shows as part of your thing online?

I haven’t played on webcam in a very long time; in fact, it’s been almost 12 years with the exception of a couple of rare exceptions.

When I first figured out the whole webcam thing, it was kind of exciting. The idea of connecting with complete strangers over the “safety” of the Internet was exhilarating. It was a huge leap in sexual and technological exploration for me – and a safe way to feel out my exhibitionist side. At first it was flirtatious fun, a little flashing here and there … a bit of watching, a lot of teasing and innuendo.

Absolutely, I found it kind of exciting, and it certainly fueled a lot of my bi-curious side as I would check out the women on cam quite frequently. The site I used to frequent was filled with a wide variety of different chatrooms, and a lot of very sexy people.

But like a lot of things in life, after the novelty wears off, it wasn’t not as much fun. The whole experience began to digress into a bunch of aggressive guys begging to see various parts of my anatomy and behaving quite rudely. I guess, maybe in a very selfish way, I grew tired of the demands to show my tits and ass while some guy stroked his manhood – note I did not say requests. I said “demands“ for a reason.

With some of the guys I had come to know online, and shared both a sexual and intellectual level of chat with, it was exciting and fun. But the guys who assumed right off the bat that if I was online and on camera, that I was automatically some kind of slut or prostitute willing to hike up my skirt on demand, eroded a lot of that fun for me.

Out of frustration with the whole thing, I unplugged my webcam, found other ways to indulge my personal sexual desires and moved on. And so, I haven’t done any webcam stuff for quite some time.

My hubby and I once discussed offering a webcam show option as part of my Southern Charms site – or even maybe dabbling with another webcam site – but to date, nothing has come of it. I’m still not 100 per cent sure I am really a webcam kind of girl anyway … and so, no doubt much to the chagrin of many who continue to ask, I haven’t pursued it.

Andee     xoxo

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Masturbation | Not much to confess

My friend, Miles, recently shared a fun Internet article with me about female masturbation confessions. It was an amusing piece with women giving examples of when they got caught, strange items and a couple downright creepy moments (such as the girl who got caught by her dad…who simply stood by and cheered her on).

IMG_7414aI had a strong sense my friend was, in his own way, probing to see if I have any more of my own “confessions” to make.

I think we all have a sexual curiosity; and there are those moments when we feel adventurously horny. But what would make it a “confession”? I mean, seriously, I’ve written at length about self-pleasure; made movies for you to watch me pleasure myself; and, constantly share research data with you about who else is masturbating and how often.

I’m not sure there’s much left to confess in terms of my own masturbation adventures. There have been a couple unusual objects, public viewings and those old days when I actually had time to share on webcam. My husband has caught me masturbating, my children have interrupted me while I was masturbating … I’ve held conversations on the phone with people while masturbating (and they didn’t know what I was up to). I’ve never been afraid to talk about – or experience – moments of self-pleasure.

However, I didn’t always feel this way. There was a time in my youth when I carried a hint of shame around over the act. Some of that was my Catholic upbringing, and some of it was my level of self-esteem. Masturbation is a hugely private matter, and when you let others in on your secret, you expose your own vulnerability.

Masturbation is also something women just aren’t supposed to do. Society has twisted views on how women are supposed to behave, and the sexual acts they are socially allowed to participate in.

Maybe the one confession I can revisit with you – since I have disclosed about all there is to disclose – is how my morning commute can be more intriguing than just another traffic jam. I still find my mind wandering back to these kind of moments when I am lost in … you know.

One of my former jobs allowed me to dress in a more flirtatious and teasing manner. Every now and then, I would take advantage of lovely warm summer weather and my libido to wear something just a little sexier than usual.

The highway is always busy – with frequent stops, sits and starts. When you have those moments to reflect on the naughty side of life, your mind can take you into some very interesting places. It was also during this period in my life where my relationship with my Office Guy was really beginning to heat up; fueling a lot of my fantasies … and adding reason for wearing certain outfits to work.

The particular morning I’m thinking about I remember feeling much braver than most. I was horny, and life at home – busy as it always is – was leaving me a little unsatisfied. I was wearing a particular dress I always feel very sexy in, and my imagination was drifting to a place directly connected to my temporarily neglected pussy. About halfway through my drive, I got into one of those rolling flirting games. A transport truck had been consistently staying beside me. I figured the driver could see a hint of the exposed flesh of my thighs – the hem of my dress was up high enough to give him a teasing glimpse. At first, it was an innocent coincidence. The guy honked, gave a little wave and smiled at me … I smiled back. A few kilometers up the road, we found ourselves stopped side by side. I glanced, he smiled and I’m pretty sure was enjoying the view.

This flirting carried on until we reached a point where everyone had come to a stand-still. The truck came up beside me, again, and just stayed in place…I could only assume so he could look into the front seat of my truck and continue to enjoy the view of my legs. As the game had been going on, I had also been sexting with my husband (I use voice-to-text, so don’t judge me) and he had sent me some pretty steamy messages. Teasing with both men had my libido on the rise and my panties wet.

Feeling brave and not having much else to do while waiting for the traffic to move, I pulled up the hem of my dress so it revealed my panties. Without looking over at the guy next to me, I slipped my fingers under the leg band and began to gently massage my very warm pussy.

I kept playing, pretty much losing myself in the moment until traffic cleared. I pulled ahead and left my poor road voyeur with nothing but the memory of seeing my fingers buried between my thighs, working myself into a sexual lather.

Later in the day, I found a private moment to provide some sexual relief … and waited a very long time before ever telling my husband about how while he was sending me naughty texts I was masturbating for a trucker next to me on the highway.

Andee     xoxo

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TMI Tuesday | Random kink

I can’t say there’s an awful lot about me that would be considered “kinky.” I enjoy sex, and many variations of it, but I’m not a role-player type, definitely not a frequent dabbler in BDSM … and I’ve never been one for spanking, humiliation or degradation.

Dressed to blogNo, my sexual kinks may be more easily defined in the pursuit of vanilla sex in a less than conventional manner. I like it missionary, I like it doggy-style … I just want to explore with outside of the contemporary view of marriage and monogamy. Kink to me implies lots of leather and kitchen utensils; cosplay and characters – things I’m basically not turned on by.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have an open mind when it comes to whatever turns other people on. On the contrary, I’m rather intrigued by it all. And so, with this week’s TMI Tuesday, we have a few random kinks to work on … along with other thoughts.

1. You have been asked to organize a sex & kink weekend. Will you be more of a “hands-on” person or more of an “ideas” person?

I’m an idea person. I think my creativity far out-distances my willingness to be hands on.

2. Assuming you are the hands-on type at this weekend sex romp, and you’ve entered a tent to ‘play’ with a male/female couple. Would you like to be given clear instructions before you begin to ‘play’ or do you prefer to be given the general idea of the task and work it out your own way.

In situations where the “hands on” aspect is important, I still like to let the moment develop on its own. I’ve found if you stick to the “script” too closely, you’re more libel to miss out on what could have been because you were so focused on trying to ensure the moment followed the plan you laid out in the first place. You miss those little nuances that could take it in a whole different direction. The best things in life – especially when it comes to sex – come from those unexpected left turns.

3. True or False. “During sex, I like to hear and accept feedback.”

False. During sex I like to hear a little dirty talk, lots of moaning, groaning, heavy breathing and the occasional “Oh fuck yes!” However, AFTER sex, I’m all for a little post-mortem of the moment. Let’s find out what worked, what was hot … what was too much and what was “yeah, let’s never speak of that again.”

4. What are you wearing right now?

Seriously? What female blogger worth her weight in chiffon is NOT sitting at her computer answering these questions in an amazingly sexy lace teddy from (insert your favourite lingerie company) with garters, black stockings with the seam that runs all the way up the back and her favourite pair of patent-leather 5-inch stiletto heels? And while I’m pondering the answer to each question, I’m flirtatiously playing with my rhinestone necklace and wondering if I could get that unbelievable hot delivery guy to flirt with me tomorrow if I left my wedding rings at home.

But while you mull that over, I’ll just cuddle up with my laptop on the couch while wearing my comfy yoga pants and t-shirt. And yes, I have underwear on underneath, but I honestly can’t remember if it matches my bra.

5. I show loyalty to my lover by ________ .

Never hiding a thing from him when it comes to our sex life, my desires and my fantasies (mostly). I show loyalty by being unwaveringly open with him, sharing the responsibility of initiating conversation around our sexual (and non-sexual) life together.

But mostly by honouring the commitment we made to each other over 20 years ago; and working on our relationship in good times and even harder in bad times – and NEVER diminishing what we have worked so hard to create together.

Plus, he’s never once complained about the occasional blowjob …

6. Do you always have to argue?

If you argue fair, it can be productive and progressive … HOWEVER … if you communicate on an adult level all the time, and recognize that relationships are not scripted perfection, the arguments are actually more healthy discussions with less vocal volume. A healthy relationship, if you ask me, also includes a willingness to allow a difference of opinion without judgement AND an agreement to occasionally disagree.

BONUS: Pick up the closest book to you, open it to page 55. The first line on that page reads:

Document collaboration means working with others to create, review, and revise a document to achieve the best end result.

Sorry folks, just finished a computer course at college and my textbook was just that much closer than the collection of erotic fiction for women by women. But if it’s any consolation, I’ll probably read a bit of that tonight before bed and then masturbate to the thoughts swirling around in my imagination.

Andee     xoxo

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TMI Tuesday | The Hookup

Hookups — brief uncommitted sexual encounters between individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other.

sex banner“Hookups have emerged from more general social shifts taking place during the last century. Hookups began to become more frequent in the 1920s, with the upsurge of automobiles and novel entertainment, such as movie theaters. Instead of courting at home under a parent’s watchful eye, young adults left the home and were able to explore their sexuality more freely.

By the 1960s, young adults became even more sexually liberated, with the rise of feminism, widespread availability of birth control and growth of sex-integrated college party events. Today, sexual behavior outside of traditional committed romantic pair-bonds has become increasingly typical and socially acceptable (Bogle, 2007, 2008).”Source

This is, quite easily, one of the more difficult TMI Tuesdays for me. Having been in a committed relationship now for almost 25 years, there isn’t a vast amount of “hook-up” dishing to be had. However, the idea captivates my attention because of the very nature of it – the pure sexual freedom and no emotional attachment. There’s a lot of potential in that.

There is a great debate somewhere in all of this – people of my generation and older may see these encounters as the old “one-night stand.” Whereas, as mentioned above, today’s youth may very well see these “sex for sex sake” encounters as normal behaviour.

1. When was your last hook-up?

So, here is where we will begin with my own twist on the concept. I can’t say that my encounter is a hook-up in the truest of senses, mainly because it was carefully planned, my husband was present for the entire encounter … and the only outcome was the exchange of oral sex.

But that wonderful encounter took place in March 2012

2. Briefly describe the hook-up?

I had invested about three years of really committed flirting and teasing of the guy before making the leap. It’s described in great detail in another blog entry.

3. How did you feel physically and emotionally after your last hook-up?

Physically, it was an incredible moment in my adult life. The orgasm I experienced left me weak in the knees for hours. Emotionally was more of a challenge. There was no guilt on my behalf, I had the unbelievable support and encouragement from my husband to go ahead with the encounter, so my conscience was clear. But in the days after, I still felt confused. I had an intense desire (and still do) to take the next step and push the sexual envelope a bit more, but I also had to accept that the freedom I enjoyed was not shared for my partner. For him it was very much an “affair” and he had to make some tough decisions based on reality as opposed to sexual fantasy.

4. Are you still acquainted with the person from your hook-up?

We are still friends, although I don’t hear from him as much as I would like. We no longer work together and have since taken different paths in life.

5. How often do you engage in hook-ups?

This was the one and only time … so far.

6. What do you like most about engaging in hook-ups?

Well, outside of the previously stated lack of experience, I like the idea of being able to sexually explore without an emotional commitment. There’s something to be said for the sense of freedom.

Bonus: Are you married and having hook-ups?

Um … see above. But yes, I am married – happily, lovingly married.

Andee     xoxo

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