Category Archives: threesome

Threesomes | Pork Roasting

69positions3My teenage son introduced me to a new term recently – “pork roasting”. Now, I like to think that I’m fairly up-to-date on sexual language, particularly the descriptive slang, but this was a new one to me. Of course, I pretty much had the idea in mind of what he meant, but in good mom mode, I played dumb and had him explain it to me.

In a threesome including one woman and two men, the act of having the girl perform fellatio on one man, and being penetrated doggy style by the other man. Seems like a relatively common threesome-type sexual position.

In my world, this is more often referred to as an Eiffel Tower (oh, those French!). And I don’t mind admitting (for the umpteenth time), it’s one of my biggest personal fantasies.

The catch with the “pork roast” though, as I discovered later, was that this term is actually less about sexual conquest and experimentation and more about a description of the woman involved. It’s really kind of derogatory. But it gave me a little insight into the sexual mindset of teenagers today. They’re far more sexually open that I ever was (cue the “why, when I was a kid” soundtrack), and far more willing to share among their peer group without the prerequisite commitment to a relationship … or their parents’ idea of sexual exclusivity.

Of course, that’s an assumption based on my own exposure to the culture my own children exist within. I have no doubt somewhere out there, statistics exist to prove me wrong.

What was truly intriguing about the conversation was that, although I have no fondness for the young female in the alleged “pork roast” my son was telling me about – I couldn’t help think back to my days in high school. How many girls had a reputation based on rumour as opposed to fact…

Andee     xoxo

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TMI Tuesday | The Hookup

Hookups — brief uncommitted sexual encounters between individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other.

sex banner“Hookups have emerged from more general social shifts taking place during the last century. Hookups began to become more frequent in the 1920s, with the upsurge of automobiles and novel entertainment, such as movie theaters. Instead of courting at home under a parent’s watchful eye, young adults left the home and were able to explore their sexuality more freely.

By the 1960s, young adults became even more sexually liberated, with the rise of feminism, widespread availability of birth control and growth of sex-integrated college party events. Today, sexual behavior outside of traditional committed romantic pair-bonds has become increasingly typical and socially acceptable (Bogle, 2007, 2008).”Source

This is, quite easily, one of the more difficult TMI Tuesdays for me. Having been in a committed relationship now for almost 25 years, there isn’t a vast amount of “hook-up” dishing to be had. However, the idea captivates my attention because of the very nature of it – the pure sexual freedom and no emotional attachment. There’s a lot of potential in that.

There is a great debate somewhere in all of this – people of my generation and older may see these encounters as the old “one-night stand.” Whereas, as mentioned above, today’s youth may very well see these “sex for sex sake” encounters as normal behaviour.

1. When was your last hook-up?

So, here is where we will begin with my own twist on the concept. I can’t say that my encounter is a hook-up in the truest of senses, mainly because it was carefully planned, my husband was present for the entire encounter … and the only outcome was the exchange of oral sex.

But that wonderful encounter took place in March 2012

2. Briefly describe the hook-up?

I had invested about three years of really committed flirting and teasing of the guy before making the leap. It’s described in great detail in another blog entry.

3. How did you feel physically and emotionally after your last hook-up?

Physically, it was an incredible moment in my adult life. The orgasm I experienced left me weak in the knees for hours. Emotionally was more of a challenge. There was no guilt on my behalf, I had the unbelievable support and encouragement from my husband to go ahead with the encounter, so my conscience was clear. But in the days after, I still felt confused. I had an intense desire (and still do) to take the next step and push the sexual envelope a bit more, but I also had to accept that the freedom I enjoyed was not shared for my partner. For him it was very much an “affair” and he had to make some tough decisions based on reality as opposed to sexual fantasy.

4. Are you still acquainted with the person from your hook-up?

We are still friends, although I don’t hear from him as much as I would like. We no longer work together and have since taken different paths in life.

5. How often do you engage in hook-ups?

This was the one and only time … so far.

6. What do you like most about engaging in hook-ups?

Well, outside of the previously stated lack of experience, I like the idea of being able to sexually explore without an emotional commitment. There’s something to be said for the sense of freedom.

Bonus: Are you married and having hook-ups?

Um … see above. But yes, I am married – happily, lovingly married.

Andee     xoxo

See 1,000s of hot pics of Andee

Sexual Duality | Sex With Other Men

I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with a friend since I posted a question on Twitter about husbands watching their wives engaging in sex with other men. I had an idea in mind and was interested to see how others felt about the same subject. It wasn’t meant to be a question that exposes any personal issues, but something I hoped to be thought-provoking.

Relationships | Fall In Love All Over AgainIt certainly has been.

I wrote a blog about it; then my online friend Swinging Gemma – a thought-provoking woman in her own right – wrote a marvelous blog on the same debate. And the conversation continued to bloom.

One of the perspectives that arose was that of how there appears to be a complex duality between being someone with “baggage” and someone who yearns for the freedom of no-strings sexual exploration.

Personally, I think when it comes to the relationship between sex and our society, there has to be the reality of people having a dual personality. Our culture has extreme difficulty with accepting we’re a sexual species. We’ll forgive some of the most heinous crimes against each other, but heaven forbid you want to pursue a sexual kink that deviates from the narrow path of judgement.

Anyone who has dabbled/explored/plunged-right-in recognizes that certain aspects of their sexual interests are taboo. And not just those moments involving a man with a goat, someone playing the trumpet and three rooster feathers. Little is judged more harshly outside of the courtroom than a person’s sexual interests … and dare I say, not even “a person’s” but pointedly “a woman’s.”

When a man shares his sexual conquests among his peers/co-workers/cell mates, more times than not he is revered for his ability to “close the deal” or “score.” A man with a numerous notches on his bedpost is viewed as a “skilled lover” whereas a woman with same track record is viewed as “a slut” and someone who “gets around, if you know what I mean.”

With these kind of societal judgements, is it any wonder that sexual exploration in our so-called liberal-minded age requires an almost alter-ego.

In one of my responses to my friend, I try to explain why my own experience with the spouse-sharing was a special moment, not one built of a need to eliminate the fear of infidelity in our relationship – not even really one of great kink.

Life Is Too Short

There are some rather unsexy things about why we are the way we are. It’s a lot of clichés about living life, no regrets, no looking back. You know, we tried things here and there, failed in most, succeeded in a couple. But our life together is certainly one that is unique from many couples. We worked very hard to shed hang-ups and jealousies so we could experience everything that came our way; and we want to do that together.

As strange as it may sound, it’s an affirmation of trust and intimacy in my marriage. It’s my husband saying to me ‘you don’t ever need to cheat, or be tempted or feel guilty with your attraction to another man.’ He’s provided me with an almost once-in-a-lifetime moment that allows me to experience something that has been absent from my life for 25 years – all those raw, sexual sensations that you feel in the early days of a sexual relationship; the chance to wash away the wonder of never experiencing a new person in that kind of way again, almost a way of reliving those moments of sexual experimentation with a new person; freedom from sexual secrets.

What does he get out of it? So, I asked … again. From what he tells me, he gets to see me in one of the sexiest moments he could imagine. He gets deep personal satisfaction from knowing he has given his wife something she has secretly desired, but has always been ‘afraid’ to ask. Not because of the commitment to a marriage, but because he knows from a woman’s side, it’s extremely selfish (I don’t agree).

His motivation? “Part deep burning sexual love and a selfish indulgence to see his wife as other men may see her from her secret life as Andee.” He said there was no sacrifice when he saw how unbelievably excited, scared, turned-on and nervous I was. The experience had little to do with the other man, in his opinion, even though the man is my friend. The idea, the focus, the desire and the attention were all about me at that time.

I don’t know if women feel “revolutionary” about participating in such a setting. I would hope they would recognize that sometimes sexual discover and the freedom that such an opportunity provides is something that should strengthen the marriage. I doubt many relationships can ever reach that ‘nirvana.’

I have said many times before that he has introduced me to an entirely new world of sexuality and sexual exploration that I likely would have never experienced without him. He is a rare breed. I regret absolutely nothing about my choice to be loyal to him from that time, missing out of the college experience of parties and hooking up. Part of what he says about this is him recognizing that I could have had more sexual fun when I was young – so why not now while we still can and have a lifetime of broader sexual knowledge and skill?

Any friend I have ever confided in about our experiences over the past 12 years or so is usually gobsmacked at first, and then insanely jealous of me. It is very difficult to explain that my husband’s true kink is allowing me the freedom to explore sexually – as long as he gets to be there as well.

But don’t be side-tracked by that. This is not a willy-nilly, every weekend kind of thing. My heart and soul belong to this marriage 100%; I just have this strange little freedom allowed to me should I ever find the opportunity I want to be more than a simple imaginary distraction. I’m not jumping the UPS guy because I like his brown shorts; but I do – and can with certain conditions – enjoy a sexual moment with someone who intrigues me that deeply.

Your Sexy Northern Angel Fantasy

In our life together we have known many, many couples who have divorced. We’ve lost very dear friends to illness and accidents. We look at our life together and made an even bigger commitment to each other to ‘live’ … not to be a passenger, not to die with our last words being ‘what if.’ I think we have an unbelievable strong emotional commitment to each other – one that recognizes there can, or may, be strange little side trips. It means we don’t ever need to fear sexual temptation, or secretly cheat.

At times like this, you are sharing on the rawest, most vulnerable level. To open yourself up to that degree – and emerge from that unscathed is the most liberating, soul-building experience you could ever imagine. It’s like riding the wildest, fastest, tallest, looping roller-coaster in the world – but without the screaming and puking. Let’s be honest, at this stage in life, when can you do things for the first time that scare the hell out of you?

And, by the way, most times when you explain to someone who may think “oh yeah, let’s get naked” that we will be doing so while my husband is right there … let’s say it’s more effective than a polar bear dip on New Year’s Day to most men. So there is a level of flaccid attrition.

Sex can be just “sex.” It is difficult to separate the emotional attachment from the act, but not impossible. Hence, the duality of the situation.

Andee     xoxo

See 1,000s of hot pics of Andee

Are There Barriers

Something I started thinking about when I was writing about the importance of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner was the idea of whether or not some of those fantasies may be a barrier to enhancing intimacy.

Communication BannerIn my own mind, I think the vast majority of my fantasies tend to be somewhat “predictable.” I’m not one of those women with outrageous thoughts on wild passionate nights with George Clooney and Brad Pitt (OK, who am I kidding) … rather, I like to believe that the majority of those snippets in my sexual imagination are rooted in realism. Yes, I would love to experience a threesome – but my idea isn’t so defined as it must be with only specific partners. Ultimately, I would love for it to be with my husband and another man – but at the same time, my husband has taught me well enough in this sexual adventure that I could, given the right opportunity, indulge in such an encounter with two men without him being one.

As I started to actually think on all of this, without the content of the fantasies being the key focus, I started to wonder how many women and men out there will not share their sexual thoughts with a partner because they have such a defined requirement of what it is they want. And, perhaps being so tied to those specifics has left them with a sense of fear because they can predict how their partner will react: “You want to do what with my best friend/sibling/co-worker/mechanic?”

And I wonder, with that in mind, if some sexual fantasies might not have a better chance to blossom and become realities (for those you want to actually try out), if you were able to slowly ease your partner’s imagination in that direction? Is it a better path to follow by first sharing the broad plotline before casting all the parts?

Over the past, I’d say, six or seven years as I have slowly grown to recognize that I can share all the sordid details of my sexual fantasies with my husband – names included – that the barrier of fear and reluctance has come down. In fact, I actually think that going beyond the simple “a threesome sounds fun” by including the idea of specific people has helped my husband understand me even more. And I think it’s allowed him to recognize that just because I have sexual thoughts that may not include him as a primary participant it doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t working the way it should. I needed the encouragement to trust and be open, he needed to opportunity to learn to trust and erase jealousy.

For us, it has been healthy. But then, we made it a commitment to grow and discover life together. Maybe the first barrier that needs to come down is the one that prevents people from accepting that life is too short to have hang-ups.

Andee     xoxo

See 1,000s of hot pics of Andee

Her Kisses, Her Fingers, My Fantasy

Back in 2011, when my blog was located elsewhere on the Internet, I ran a series I called “Sexy Sundays.” It was a summertime collection of some more intimate details of my life; an idea that was voted on by my readers as something they wanted to read more of. When I moved to WordPress, those entries were kind of left in the archives of my hard drive, but I found them and figured they would make for some great updates every now and then. I hope you enjoy them; and as always, feel free to comment or send me some ideas/questions that you would like to see here.

As I mentioned then – and numerous times before – I have long held a desire to explore that side of me, and still want to continue … maybe even take it further than the occasional fleeting moment. The original post on this subject was in response to an online friend, who had sent me the question. It reminded me that I needed to dig around a bit more for some stuff I had written before about the moment when I think everything really crossed from actual curiosity to outright “Ok, no more flirting around, let’s do it.”

anp279x019So this is a post that my husband and I wrote back before the current blogging addiction – about a faithful night in January 2007. It’s been updated just enough to include some better reflection on the moment. I apologize for it being kind of long, but I enjoyed reading it again, and I hope you will too.

Crossing Over

After years of dirty talk and naughty bedroom whispers during sweaty sex, my hubby and I had the chance to experience a little playtime with some new friends. Writing about my fantasies is fun, but also kind of tough. Knowing the other couple is reading this also brings feelings of being nervous, scared, timid, horny – all of it – rushing back.

We had wondered for a long time what it would be like to share some intimate moments with another couple. And, for quite a while, my bi-curiosity had been on my mind. Ever since that drunken moment with my coworker at a conference when she was so frustratingly close to taking me past the point of “yeah, I think about it” to “uh huh, and let’s do it right now,” I had not really had a very clear head on my sexual feelings.

Through a set of circumstances where I finally took the initiative to be bold, set aside some long-held secrets and be open about my fantasies, the door of opportunity opened a bit wider. We met some friends who were open about our ideas. On an evening where the innuendo and jokes progressed to deep, philosophical and sexually-charged conversation about lifestyles and bedroom experiences, I made the leap to let a few cats out of the bag. It was a bit of a risk, and of course I was nervous about letting someone so close know about my thoughts and website. But I was surprised at how easy it was, and how open they were to it – without being judgmental. It’s kind of a strange feeling to meet someone that thinks the same way and has the same sexual comfort as you do. Where we live, people tend to be pretty narrow-minded about it, so what a refreshing change to know here was a couple that wouldn’t “judge” us for being “alive.”

Like many fantasies, this one involved a hot tub. Hot tubs seem to be the place where people can get together and say “sex is on the menu” and everyone kind of accepts that at some point, someone is going to get totally naked.

Fast-forward through dinner, drinks, somewhat awkward talk where no one wants to make the first move… To where, finally, Tthe four of us were in the tub, enjoying the opportunity to explore – hands, touching, kissing. Everyone had said they were shocked at how fast it all came about. I’m trying to think back, and when I do, that feeling of nervousness comes back, excitement…and a lot of wanting more.

Knowing our friends are reading (naughty, naughty), it’s a little scary…I sit here going, “what should I say? What’s OK to share?”

And that takes you to a place of wanting to know everything. But as my hubby has said to me, it’s one thing to share your most intimate thoughts with your spouse, but to with someone who you’ve just had a little encounter with? As a couple, you go through life’s stages, saying during intimate moments, “OK, that feels good” or “No, please, not like that…” and honestly…could you be bold enough to put that out there for everyone…all of it makes my mind go slushy.

It’s that same fear you get after that first date with the cute guy, and you wonder, did he like me, does he think I’m nice, a good kisser, interesting, etc? I’m learning fast this kind of experience gets that personal chemistry stirred up – only now it’s four times more confusing. And, where is most of that chemistry focused?

Anyway, you’re all going “cut to the chase.”

To begin with, we remained with our own partners, slowly building up the sexual tension with kissing, fondling, watching the other couple kiss. At one point I was sitting on my husband’s lap, facing him, as we were making out. Then I felt a hand down there … and I knew where mine were and where his were. I liked the sensation. For a moment, the hand just delicately teased me, and then it stopped. I was just about to voice my complaint when the other man gently took my elbow and pulled me toward him. At the same time, he kind of directed his own wife over to my husband.

And so in the next moment, I am now sitting on his lap, facing him … and we kissed.

At first, I was just there in body…my mind was racing so fast and my nerves were unbelievably tense. When you have the better part of two decades with the same person, only having fleeting moments over those years of other physical contact, the sensation of how another man or woman touches you is like being a virgin again.

There’s the huge excitement, mixed with a confusing thrill of “where is this going?” Feeling another man touch and kiss me brought out some new sensations, letting his hand fondle, grope, guiding my own hand to him, gently stroking his very hard penis…it was scary. Could my husband see me giving this other man a hand job under the water – mixed thoughts of “oh god this feels so good” as I wrapped my fingers around this man’s erection. It leaves me with these same thoughts of excitement, a desire to explore more and a little bit of rekindling – some real assurance that I can have that affect on another guy. Closing my eyes and feeling this man for the next several minutes: behind me, in front of me, hands, lips, erections…WOW! How I felt as he stroked my body with his hands, his fingers teasing across my pussy but not quite penetrating me; the sensation of turning to away from him and having his rock hard cock pressing against me under the water as I straddled his lap again … not even an inch away from my very horny and possibly willing pussy.

And like a dance, just things were really getting hot and interesting, someone called “snowball” and I came face-to-face with my curiosity about another woman.

The first few seconds of touching, kissing – like we had never done it before with another person – was incredible. I’m going through these emotions of being like a teenager, the excitement of those first times. I don’t know if it’s because of the “release” of the physical part – getting the chance to explore with my hands and my mouth, feeling her body, seeing her naked, the sensations as she returned my affection – or if it is because of who I got to share it with. A great set of breasts that felt so soft in my hands, her nipples hardening in my mouth as I kissing and sucked on them…and a little naughty surprise down there too.

This was the first time I had touched another woman’s pussy … and to gently fondle her with my fingers while we kissed, to hear her little moans, was the moment when I had finally confirmed there was an even greater desire in me to explore and that it wasn’t just some fleeting sexual notion fuelled by a couple drinks.

Now knowing that her fantasies haven’t been changed because of what we did together is a huge comfort. I know my own fantasies, but I wasn’t sure of hers…mine, as you have read, are pretty hot and close to me. But you never know if you live up to someone else’s “curiosity” or “fantasy.” As I have said before, when things do happen in real life, there’s this great fear of “will it be like I imagined?”

Sometimes as a woman, you can sense whether or not someone is your type. When it comes to men, it’s an easy thing. Some of you prefer blondes, brunettes, redheads, certain body types, body parts, etc. I get your e-mails and comments, and the compliments are nice – but I try not to take it too seriously. I’m not a vain person, and sometimes it’s difficult to share your vision of me. Rejection from a guy can be taken as simply, “I’m not his type.”

Women are not any different, except when it comes to the fear associated with your own bi-curious feelings. The idea of possibly being rejected by another woman is very unsettling. As she and I were exploring each other, kissing and touching, I was scared of “are we doing this for the husbands, or are we into each other?” I was doing it for me, not because – even though I was terrified – my husband was there, but because I’m in touch with my desires, and the wantingness (is that a word?) to explore. I had wanted to feel all of that for a long time, and I can honestly say, I REALLY enjoyed it. My mind frequently lingers to how she felt, my fingers and lips, her …

You’ll have to forgive me … but at this point, I need to be doing something other than typing!

Andee     xoxo

Sexy Northern Angel

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