Monthly Archives: July 2012
I always enjoy the weekly TMI Tuesday questions when they allow my imagination to run wild. This week we sneak in the back door, so to speak … and look at the adventurous side of getting busy. In case you hadn’t noticed, sex does happen to be one of my favourite subjects to blog about.
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t really enjoy it.
e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
f. I have never given anal sex.
g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to.
In my relationship with my husband, the idea of me giving anal sex is a bit of a stretch, although not impossible. From my perspective, I would say I’m c), from my husband’s perspective it is a somewhat rare occurrence in our usual sexual antics. I could count on one hand the number of times … although, the last time I was on the giving end, I used a nice little vibrator that sends these delicious tingles right through you; definitely a wonderful sensation as I took his rock-hard erection into my mouth.
a) I love it.
b) I enjoy it.
c) I’m ok with it.
d) I don’t enjoy it at all.
e) I have never received anal sex.
f) I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.
Somewhere in between b) and c) … anal sex is something that I have to be in the mood for – when it comes to penetration. I find the experience something that I really need to focus on relaxing for so that I can enjoy the sensation … and always lots of lube. However, I love anal play being included as part of sex through the use of a small dildo or vibrator. Only when those are too far out of reach will I resort to the good ol’ fashioned finger. The sensation is incredible and helps push my imagination into some very naughty places. I have never made it a secret that one of my biggest sexual fantasies is to have two hard men treat every opening in my body with orgasmic enthusiasm.
a) It’s a turn on for me.
b) It turns me on a little bit.
c) I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
d) It does nothing for me.
e) I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
f) I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.
Hmm…a tough question to answer, because I can’t say that the “undressing” is specifically a turn on, but rather the result of being turned on. The one thing to keep in mind is that there are millions of men out there that have already seen me naked, thanks to my website … so, by the time I actually draw someone into my sex life, I’ve long gotten past any sense of reluctance to reveal myself.
Although, I do need to point out that as I have gotten older and sexually wiser, I have certainly become a lot more comfortable with my body image. Few of us – if any – are perfect. It just takes a bit of maturity to allow that to sink in and recognize flaws can be sexy because they make us unique.
a) Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b) Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c) Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d) Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e) Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f) Never, not even when I am really turned on.
I would have to say a) best describes me. I find it very difficult to be completely quiet when it comes to sex. Having said that, I’m also not the type that the neighbours will complain about or giggle when they see me in the yard. I do think that it is important to express the pleasure your lover is giving you, otherwise how will they ever know they are hitting the right spots.
a) Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b) Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c) I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d) I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged.
e) I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f) I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g) I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.
Definitely b). When it comes to our sex life, depending on the intimacy of the moment, we will take our imaginations into some very erotic places with a little dirty talk. The mind is the best sex toy around, and when played with properly, it can make for some seriously hot sex.
a) quiet little mouse
b) low moaning wolf
c) screeching beluga whale
Most of the time, I would say that I fall somewhere in between a) and b) … in my reality, I have two young children at home and to make like an air raid siren would just not be appropriate. However, there are times when privacy is much more available, and I can really let myself go.
Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space. Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*
Oh wow … um … almost impossible to pick, but I am going to lean towards comfort sex because it is more indicative of the intimate relationship I share with my husband. Our marriage is about that connection on a very deep and nurturing level, and it is the foundation of who we are as a couple. But, as you have been reading, the past few years have been about pushing the sexual envelope and exploring new thrills. This is an equally important experience because we have found the connection in our marriage that allows us to explore outside the traditional boundaries.
The other day I had a chance to sit quietly and talk a bit about my current “status” with someone who knows about what is going on in my life. I always appreciate the time to open up to someone in person because, as much as I love sharing with you guys, there is something more emotionally rewarding for me about knowing there is someone not online that can be open-minded about things.
What stood out in the conversation was a small comment about “if you knew then what you know now …” in regard to being sexually adventurous, and how a lot of tend to look back on how we got to a certain point wondering how different things could have been if we weren’t so naïve and innocent.
I can’t say that there is an awful lot that I would change. I got into my relationship with my husband at a very young age, and began to explore the new world of sexual discovery in a way I likely wouldn’t have if I had not met him. I suspect my life would have been much less adventurous because my husband has been such a strong supporter of me pushing the limits and learning new things. When I do have these little chats with friends from my hometown, it doesn’t take me long to see just how predictable their lives have become … and that’s a little disappointing.
Anyway, to the point …
If there was anything I wish I had learned about sex earlier than I did, it would have to be about being more comfortable with my body image.
I know; you were probably waiting to read the graphic details about my experience with anal sex, bondage … maybe group sex. No, all of those adventures came along in perfect time for me. Some early, some I grew into as my sexual courage increased and the right opportunities presented themselves. Plus, with certain experiences, it helped to be mature and secure enough in my marriage to push the envelope beyond what many would consider “normal behavior” for a married woman.
But I wish I had a better feeling about how I looked back then. These days, when I see some of the naughty photos my husband took of me back in those early days, I think “I should have started my website then!”
The one thing I can pretty much count on when I have a date night with my husband is that it will be nothing short of sexually-charged. Even if we are going something as innocent as a coworker’s wedding, the night will definitely heat up at some point.
The other thing about our date nights is that the conversations we have are usually quite erotic. Being parents – busy parents – it’s not very often that we have a few hours of adult time to enjoy and connect over the ideas that swirl around in our minds.
Last weekend, we had a date planned for a friend’s buck and doe (for those not familiar, those are the pre-wedding parties couples have; somewhat tamer than stags and hen nights, and designed for couples to share in the occasion). There’s a lot more to share about that night, which will come about in other blog updates, but the one thing I wanted to share in this update was about the drive home.
The whole night was quite sexually charged. Before we left the party, I slipped into the washroom and removed my panties. It didn’t matter much anyway, because I was already way beyond horny. In the elevator ride down to the parking lot, my husband slid his hand under my skirt and touched my wet pussy as we made out.
On the way home, as we talked about a bunch of things on our minds and caught up on being a couple again, I put one of my feet up on the dashboard. Doing this pushed the hem of my skirt higher and left me totally exposed. I’m not sure if the couple of guys standing on the corner as we waited for a light to change could see anything, but it’s not like I was going to stop playing.
As we continued along on our way home, we started talking about how I have done this a few times recently, and how much fun it was to have these kind of moments together. Then, not sure how, the conversation turned to trying to figure out where is the most adventurous place that we have masturbated.
I kind of had to dig deep into my thoughts … and despite the “wild” and sexually-free personality that tends to come out in my blog, in the car is probably the most adventurous.
I say adventurous because pretty much all of the other places I have ever enjoyed self-loving, very few could be considered as risky and out in the open. Even the events from Monday’s blog took place in a bedroom. The one time at work – because my husband left me no choice with how much he got me turned on with his sexting – was in one of most remote washrooms in the building with the door locked..
Perhaps the greatest thrill at doing this came last winter when, after attending Sexapalooza and acquiring a new sex toy, I couldn’t wait to get home to entertain and torment my husband. I pulled out my new little gadget, hiked up my skirt and began to masturbate. The excitement was really cranked up with the fact that we were also stuck in downtown traffic and people were walking right past the car as I was doing this. Without question, there was a couple of other drivers that enjoyed a good show that night.
Without question, I have it pretty damn good with where I am at in my marriage right now. I have a lot of freedom to not just explore some of my sexual desires, but to openly share and discuss what goes on with my imagination and fantasies. I’m not living vicariously like a lot of people I know – people that resent their spouses and marriages for the trapped feeling they seem to endure rather than putting the effort in to make a change.
And I recognize that on here, based on the community I have kind of slid into with my blog, I am exposed to a lot of sex-positive people, couples with open marriages and wild fantasies. We’re open to share, comment, and pontificate. The same can’t be said for my real life, where I have to watch what I say and how much information I can divulge to those around me – even to some of my closest friends and family members.
But I think the amount of support, encouragement and freedom I enjoy in my sexual adventure is both a blessing and a burden. It leaves me having to explain to jealous coworkers and friends that they also have the opportunity to challenge their imaginations if they work to make it happen.
Sadly, most of them still harbour the belief that “marriage” does not fit into “adventure” and “excitement” is something “we just don’t do.”
Recently, after I had opened up about some of the more socially-acceptable experiences I have been able to enjoy with my lusting husband, my friend scoffed about her own situation – how she was beginning to get a feeling of hatred towards her spouse – and although I feel for her, some of my sympathy faded because it was evident that she felt no responsibility to correct her own problems.
I found myself asking, as I listened to her: “What is the one thing you could do today to make your sex life better?”
For me, simple: invest in more short skirts and sexy dresses to wear to work.
If you have followed along and gotten to know me, you’ll know that for the most part I’m kind of a science geek. I work in a pretty conservative and sterile environment, and it can be pretty easy to fade into the background and plod along. But, it seems I married a man who enjoys building my self-esteem and self-image up, and has worked to bring about a real metamorphosis within me.
A big part of that, outside of the emotional rewards, has been his encouragement for me to be someone who stands out and looks, in his words, drool-worthy – especially at work. And it wasn’t even about expressing my sexuality as a woman, as much as it was about adding to the overall “package.” I’m proud of being a very qualified and professional individual at my work – which has earned me a good deal of respect from my superiors. My husband’s thinking was taking what I had earned and going a little further by appearing the same way – dressing for success, so to speak.
I won’t even try to hide the fact that he did have ulterior motives – he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he loves it when I wear heels and dresses or skirts. But, at the same time, style doesn’t need to be slutty; and dressing for success can be equal to dressing for sex if you do it right.
Naturally it took me a while to reach a comfort level with being pretty much the only one in my department that wore heels, stylish dresses and skirts. But the reactions from people around me soon became a bit of an addiction. I think everyone appreciates a compliment, but it turned me on to catch some of the men I work with taking notice of what I was wearing. It didn’t take long for that kind of attention to turn into a real aphrodisiac for me.
So, each time I push the fashion envelope at work, it seems to benefit me sexually.
I can’t say that what works in my life is going to work for anyone else, but I do know when I start to feel a little down, or not as attractive as I would like, my solution is to focus on changing the mood around me first. Once you begin to see the change in how people treat you, and can find comfort in knowing that some of it is based on sexuality, you might be amazed at how much more enjoyable getting up and going to work can be.
There will be many who think that opening yourself up, as a woman, to the attention of men in the workplace equates “sexual harassment.” In some cases they may be right … but in other situations, it’s also a case of “get over yourself and enjoy the fact you can still catch their eye.”
Despite the impression I may give on here and through my frequent tweets, it would be only a little delusional to think that I spend every waking hour battling with my sexual desires and thoughts. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s just not realistic. As a very normal, healthy, working Mom with a pair of exceptionally busy kids, there is an awful lot around me that inhibit those sexual distractions.
Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend about those moments when life interferes with our libidos … and just when is it the worst time to be turned on.
If you understand anything about women (in general, of course) you will recognize there is a recurring event that is not our greatest time for sexual freedom and swinging-from-the-chandeliers passion. Enough said on that …
But, realistically, there are worse times to be horny.
For me, that would be at work. And again, this is rooted in what is realistic in life. While flirting and verbal teasing can be a fun way to pass some time and release a little stress, truth be told there is very little that can be acted upon. And even if that opportunity was there, this is still my workplace.
My husband is usually the biggest culprit in getting me turned on at work. He has an incredible ability to sext his way into the heart of my sexual imagination and torment me in all the right ways. It doesn’t help that he knows just what it does to me when he teases my mind in such a way … and then continues with a day-long process of electronic foreplay/mind fuck.
There have been a few occasions where I pushed the limits on what might be acceptable behaviour for the workplace – and tempted fate by involving other people in my horny games – but mostly, the opportunity to convert that raging desire into dripping satisfaction is a big challenge. Not to mention, it’s something that is truly outside of my comfort zone, no matter how turned on I might be.
I know some will offer the idea of slipping into a bathroom and employing a little finger play to find release. Naturally, I would love to have such freedom, but there are some very specific logistics that make it almost impossible to do so. Even on the occasion that I did need to bring about some sexual release, it was in a bathroom tucked away in the deep recesses of the building, and with the door locked.
The challenge for me is trying to keep my mind focused when I find myself in such a state. Truth of the matter is, I have a job to do – and it can be a very demanding job. So, to spend the day strolling around with wet panties … that’s a toughie.