Category Archives: Oral Sex
With my recent post about sexual boundaries, I was asked to share what mine are and why.
There are some really easy moral ones that I hope the vast majority of us have – legal / consent / species. Pretty straightforward – it has to be legal (including age), it has to be consensual and can not involve any living (or dead) non-human beings.
Clear lines there, no room for debate. Let’s set that aside as the foundation here.
Probably the biggest boundary beyond those would be pain. I’m not excited by pain, nor am I into inflicting it for sexual purposes. I don’t mind a bit of rough play, a little edge – heck, even that tiny early pain involved in anal – but definitely nothing that leaves a mark or draws blood.
In terms of BDSM, I’m like a lot of others – after 50 Shades of Grey, I was intrigued. I dabbled and certainly don’t mind a little soft bondage. To me that can be very exciting – but it has to be consensual and respectful.
I’m not into degradation. I’ve said it before, my role-playing is generally reserved for the very common photo illustrations of schoolgirl, French maid, sexy secretary, etc. But I’m also very honest about my poor acting skills. You won’t find me insulting my sex partner, or being subjected to that kind of degradation. Calling me certain names (slut, cunt, bitch) are real mood killers.
I’m not into ‘water sports’ or other body fluids/excrement outside of cum. Some body functions are best reserved for the privacy of the toilet.
Infidelity, hook ups, dating/sex outside of marriage are also out. If you’re a loyal reader of my blog, you’ll know I have been on this journey with the love, support and encouragement of my husband. That includes dabbling in the swinging lifestyle and exploring a sexual opportunity with a dear friend and coworker. My husband has been there for it all. I’m not in this to meet anyone, for random sex or to replace what I have. I’m the luckiest girl on the planet already.
There are things that are often negotiable, depending on the moment, my level of desire/horniness and the nature of the request. Anal, for example … and facials.
Overall, the boundaries I have are more about my comfort and desire. Although I’ve been a little off tack in this journey, it is still very much a journey of discovery and challenges the limitations of my imagination. It’s about living my best life – including having the best sex.
It’s been a while since I wrote anything about a specific sex act. But then again, I did take an extended break of almost two-plus years on writing blog entries as a whole…
Despite the lack of writing, struggling through a roller coaster ride with my libido, work-related stress and planning for a major life upheaval – not a lot changed in my actual sexual routine. OK, you’re right, there was that eight-month separation from my husband when he moved overseas and I waited on my visa. What did change during that period was my masturbation habits increased dramatically, I had some reunions with my sexual fantasies in my head and rediscovered the thrill of cam-to-cam mutual masturbation.
But other than that …
The reunion with my husband after finding creative ways to keep the fires burning hot while on two sides of the world meant there was definitely some serious catching up on the sexual agenda. Cutting to the chase, that meant two things – lots of intercourse … and oral.
Oral for me has been a long-time delight, both receiving and giving. It was one of the very first sex acts I ever performed, but it wasn’t until I attended a workshop in my mid-20s that it became something of a specialty. I have blogged about that before, but in a nutshell – my radio-personality friend thought one of those “Drive Your Man Wild in Bed” seminars would make for great material, invited me along … she got some fun stuff for her show, I came away truly enlightened and anxious to try. My husband describes it to this day as the best-ever investment he’s ever made (he paid for my ticket to the event so I wouldn’t chicken out).
Blowjobs have been a staple in our sexual relationship – but despite the frequency and ‘willingness’ on my behalf to ‘go down’ – the end result is still somewhat predictable. If I’m not taking him too far, I’m switching up the moment to include intercourse.
So then, someone asked … “do you always swallow, or do you let him cum on your face or tits?”
I wrote about this in the past too – but, you know, talking about sex, blowjobs, stuff like that, is something that I do anyway, so revisiting the whole topic is yet another wonderful distraction in our world gone mad.
Facials – when the man cums on the woman’s face – isn’t something that has been a big part of my personal sexual repetoire. Well, unless you count chin dribbles. And it’s not because of anything deep-rooted in my sexual psyche; it’s actually because I rather like having a man cum in my mouth. You know, I’ve worked that hard to tempt, tease and drive him to the point of no return for his orgasm, I kind of want to enjoy the ‘fruits of my labour’ so to speak.
On occasion, I admit that it can be outrageously exciting to let him unload on me. As a sexual woman, I do find it exciting to watch a man’s moment of release. To see, somewhat up close, his peak moment of pleasure. However, there is some need to be cautious about exactly where some of that lands. Pepper spray is less painful in the eye than cum … just sayin’.
That said, it also took me a while, and a bit of sexual maturity, to arrive at a point in my life where I’ve gotten over the ‘grossness’ of swallowing a man’s cum. For some women, that’s the biggest hurdle in taking a man to completion. I saw the results of a sex survey a while back that said only about nine per cent of women would finish a man off with her mouth … which made a lot of sense to me.
It’s hard to describe the experience of having a man cum in your mouth to someone who has never had the experience. No matter how much warning he gives you, it’s still a surprise when that hot cum spurts onto your tongue, against the back of your mouth … onto your tonsils and back of your throat. If it’s been a while since he’s had an orgasm, that can add a new dimension to fighting the gag reflex! It’s exciting … unique … different every time.
It’s also a little addictive to me. I love the sense of power. Lots of people think a woman giving a blowjob is an act of submission. Trust me, when I have a man in my mouth, hard, horny and anxious for completion … I know who is in control.
A man’s ‘flavour’ is a constantly changing part of the experience too. And each man is different from the next. I can usually tell when my husband has been indulging in certain foods (beers, vegetables and fruits being the most frequent causes of his taste) – and there’s only a smackeral of truth to how some foods will make you taste better, guys. Only a small smackeral; it’s still cum, and it’s still not a gourmet feast.
Something I can say as I explore this world of sex in my 40s … the experience I have gained is making things like this far more interesting than they were in my 20s.
My teenage son introduced me to a new term recently – “pork roasting”. Now, I like to think that I’m fairly up-to-date on sexual language, particularly the descriptive slang, but this was a new one to me. Of course, I pretty much had the idea in mind of what he meant, but in good mom mode, I played dumb and had him explain it to me.
In a threesome including one woman and two men, the act of having the girl perform fellatio on one man, and being penetrated doggy style by the other man. Seems like a relatively common threesome-type sexual position.
In my world, this is more often referred to as an Eiffel Tower (oh, those French!). And I don’t mind admitting (for the umpteenth time), it’s one of my biggest personal fantasies.
The catch with the “pork roast” though, as I discovered later, was that this term is actually less about sexual conquest and experimentation and more about a description of the woman involved. It’s really kind of derogatory. But it gave me a little insight into the sexual mindset of teenagers today. They’re far more sexually open that I ever was (cue the “why, when I was a kid” soundtrack), and far more willing to share among their peer group without the prerequisite commitment to a relationship … or their parents’ idea of sexual exclusivity.
Of course, that’s an assumption based on my own exposure to the culture my own children exist within. I have no doubt somewhere out there, statistics exist to prove me wrong.
What was truly intriguing about the conversation was that, although I have no fondness for the young female in the alleged “pork roast” my son was telling me about – I couldn’t help think back to my days in high school. How many girls had a reputation based on rumour as opposed to fact…
Well, it’s been a long time since I played TMI Tuesday, but this was a fun set of questions. And while sex shouldn’t be all that bad, truth be told, sometimes things just don’t work out as planned … and the results are less than satisfying.
Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?
Before proceeding to the next question, which explains a bit more in detail about the “bad sex” moment I recall best … I can say that MOST of the sex I had with my first boyfriend with whom I had sex, was bad sex. He didn’t get the concept … maybe it was because he was young and inexperienced, or maybe it was just because he was getting bad advice from a bunch of male friends who probably lost their virginity to the barn goat. But it wasn’t good sex. Obviously the relationship didn’t last very long.
Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?
Well, let’s see … I’ve been sexually active since I was 15. I’m now 42. Yep, pretty sure there has been some bad sex in there beyond the answer above. But knowing you’ll want some examples, I’ll offer up this little gem that my husband likes to remind me of – way back when we were dating, we went to his office Christmas party. I had a wee bit too much to drink, and he wanted a little piece of action before bed. I had dressed up all nice and sexy for him, including ditching my panties about halfway through the night, and flirted and teased him like mad … so he was pretty anxious to get laid. Back at his place, things started off pretty good, but I was so drunk I passed out halfway through. He rolled me over and decided this night would be a good night to get some anal. Apparently I was a relatively enthusiastic participant. But I openly admit, it serves me right …
What instantly puts you in a bad mood?
Guilt. Anyone who tried to guilt me into action immediately pisses me off. This includes performing certain sex acts, such as oral or (as above) anal when I’m just not in the mood.
Have you been hurt during a sex? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?
Nothing that has left scarring, if that’s what you mean. But, I am a bit of a willing partner when it comes to sexual adventure. One of my dildos – which is truly not meant for a reluctant participant in anal sex to use as a substitute dick while trying to explore the sensation of a threesome – left my backdoor very, very sore and tender for a few days; although it felt amazing at the time. Also, my first introduction to Ben Wa balls left me with a bruised vagina. I haven’t tried them since.
During sex, what instantly turns you off?
The sound of children at the bedroom door …
Bad sex – is there really such a thing?
Yes, sadly there is. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t bubbling and the flames of passion are more like puffs of road dust. When it’s that, you need to call it off and resort to a reliable ol’ friend from the nightstand to get you off.
Bonus: Biting during sex…
- do you like it?
- do you do it?
Neither. I’ve never been a biter, nor am I really into it. Biting leaves marks … I’m too old to explain hickeys and bite marks to inquisitive teenagers in the house.
Like most anyone who’s been in a relationship for a long time, there are highlights of some sexual antics that outshine the routine that most of us settle into. I think every now and then, it’s important to revisit those moments where it was all about the quality of the sex and raw energy that came with it.
So, for this week’s TMI Tuesday, we’re back onto my favourite subject: sex.
1. Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session? Name the positions.
Absolutely. It’s not really that rare for us to mix things up a little bit; and I can’t really say we have a list of “go to” positions. This past weekend, for example, our night between the sheets included: him giving me oral, followed by him entering me missionary, then my legs up on his shoulders, then a little doggy style with me on my hands and knees – “oh god, wait … that feels so incredible, but I want to watch.” – which leads to standing up with him behind me while I prop my hands against the row of mirrors in our bedroom.
So, when the moment is inspired, we kind of let things take us where they do …
2. Have you ever had sex continuously for more than an hour? Was it all intercourse or other methods of sexual pleasure?
Yes, but certainly not a full hour of straight intercourse. Goodness, I’m certain that would result in some serious friction burn (and yes, let’s be realistic here…) With my own husband, when we get into a huge session like this, there’s lots of foreplay, oral, toys, penetration – great times of sharing fantasies and opening up our imaginations. Our last experience with another couple was probably the best for a full hour of continual sexual activity. That encounter involved a whole lot of oral, followed by a little masturbation and finally intercourse (with own partners). But, let’s be honest, with four people in the mix, it’s a lot easier to spread around the fun!
3. Have you planned & devoted an entire day to sex/sexual activity?
Way back when we were young and had no money and no kids, this was our usual Sundays. We lived in such a pathetic little town and sad three room apartment when we were first married. It was just a better way to spend the time together and plan for the future.
4. Have you been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained?
No. I’m much more of a breath-holder and quiet moaner than someone who screams at the top of her lungs. Always have been that way; a little self-conscious I guess. A big part of that has been from years of: living with male roommates in college who would have never let me live it down, to being married and living in a tiny apartment with paper-thin walls in a remarkably narrow-minded small town, to being a mom with inquisitive little kids (who have grown into teenagers and don’t need to know certain things about their mother).
5. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?
OK, small moment of vanity … but yes. I’ve been told numerous times (including those not my husband) that I have a very remarkable oral talent. However, it’s also a little bit of a “cheat.” I actually took one of those “How to turn on your man” workshops where the woman teaching the session gave us some incredible take-home tips. (I took it with a friend who works in radio and wanted material for her talk show but didn’t want to go alone) My husband still declares to this day that the cost of the session for me was the best money he has ever spent.
6. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk?
Yes, but dirty talk is also a very difficult talent to pull off properly. There’s an extremely fine line between creepy/inappropriate and erotic/engaging.
BONUS: What words during sex totally turn you off or distract you from the task at hand?
“I just heard the kids outside the bedroom door.”