Do sex toys scare me…anymore?

It all started with a silly little tweet about my latest naughty adventure – a new video – that was available for anyone who has an inclination towards those kinds of things. I know I’m not the best “salesperson” online, but every now and then I do try to “promote” the items that make ‘Andee’ who she is online … you know, the naughty bits.

My friend Miles responded by asking me if there was a time when things like my sex toys were intimidating.

Yes.

And still … yes.

Now, for the longer explanation.

My first experience with a sex toy came when I was 18. I’d been with my boyfriend for a couple years at that point and, without question, we were rapidly discovering a whole new level of sexual adventure and excitement. A few weeks earlier we had been enjoying a quiet night at home with a bottle of wine and lots of foreplay. For some reason, I thought I would really blow his mind and use the now-empty wine bottle as a sex toy. The reaction from him was 10 times better than the sensation for me. Somewhere in my sexual psyche I had just figured out how powerful this visual torment could be.

It wasn’t long after I was the recipient of a proper, cock-shaped, c-battery powered vibrator. It was a very vanilla replication of a man’s cock. I think it was about six inches long, hard plastic and moulded like a very veiny penis. I never really figured out why it was so veiny, because it wasn’t something I could truly determine while it was in use. Later versions of the vibrating fake penis in my life where softer material and provided a much more accurate feeling. Veiny or not, hard plastic is hard plastic.

I still remember quiet clearly how nervous I was to use it after I opened the packaging. A lot of that intimidation was purely because I had no experience with such a thing, and was a little apprehensive over the idea of having something like it inside me. Add to that was the now-expected reality of allowing him to watch me use it – and allowing him to use it on me.

It’s definitely one thing to do spontaneous silly sexual experiments after a couple drinks – and another to incorporate foreign objects into your sex life as a habit.

The sensation of a vibrator sliding into you is hard to describe – especially to an audience that, for the most part, doesn’t have a vagina. And I can’t even say “try slipping one into your ass” to compare … because in my experience, that sensation is also different – despite only being a thin layer of tissue further south.

It was … weird … at first. It still is, to be honest. It’s a very unique sensation, but pleasant. For me, I won’t ever reach an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. That’s just the way I’m built. And most women are the same. However, the feeling of this vibrating shaft inside you certainly fires up all those nerves that help with drawing out an orgasm.

After a couple years of continued experimentation, I finally settled on something that has become my trusted “go to”. Small, but powerful, there’s nothing intimidating to it at all. When I masturbate I focus specifically on the area of my clit that will produce an orgasm; rarely do I perform any penetration. For me, that part of masturbation is really for an audience – be it you or my husband.

But that isn’t to say I haven’t continued to explore the “intriguing.”

I think the next true “frightening” toy that came my way was this huge hard plastic wand I received as a hostess gift for a lingerie and toy party I held (a different blog topic). It came with a small bullet vibrator you put in the middle of the long shaft. It took me a very long time to realize that this toy wasn’t actually meant for vaginal insertion (no, I didn’t discover it that way). Suffice to say, the bullet was repurposed and the plastic “bat” quietly disappeared.

It’s starting to seem like “hard plastic” is the issue for me … hmm.

The vibrator that prompted my friend to ask recently whether or not I experienced any fear over “moving parts” was, actually, the next step in my sex toy adventure. Long before they became an orgasmic sensation from the hype of Sex in the City, I had learned about this kind of toy. I was very intrigued by it, and can say it was the first sex toy I bought completely on my own – knowing my husband would hardly complain about my decision.

By the time I found it in the store, I had already become rather enthusiastic about the idea of the multiple options provided by this toy. I’m sure you can relate to the idea of being so excited for something helps eliminate the apprehension and nerves. I recall driving just a little faster on the way home from the sex shop. I was more than ready for a whole new orgasm by the time I packed the AAs into the handle and set the magic in motion.

It didn’t disappoint … several times that first afternoon.

Thinking back on my sex toy adventures, I would really have to say that the only thing that still ‘rattles’ me a little when I think about it, are the very large rubber dildos I have. These things are modelled after some very big cocks – the kind of size that is an honest rarity and reality in (I hazard to say) the huge majority of women’s sexual experience. Yes, guys will respond to this with the typical “you ain’t seen mine, baby.” But, as much as you want to believe there are an abundance of big dicks out there, statistics show that fact is more about big egos than big packages.

The average erect penis measures in around 5.5 inches. And, frankly, a ruler should never be part of your flesh-on-flesh sex life anyway.

My largest dildo measures in around 9 inches and is easily the biggest thing I have had inside me. Yes, the feeling is incredible, deep, hot … take any sexual adjective you can find and use it. BUT, the idea of getting something that big into me always makes my knees weak – and not with sexual delight. While massive cocks might be an ego boost in the locker room, they hurt like hell in the pussy. Perhaps one of mainstream porn’s biggest myths…

Despite having two children vaginally and a somewhat healthy sex life, it is this act that intimidates me the most. Strange as it may seem, the idea of many moving, vibrating parts – buzzing bunny ears, rotating micro-pearls and a twisting rubber head drizzled with a warming lube designed to heighten her experience – are less frightening to me than kneeling above a 9-inch rubber monster while wearing only a pair of stiletto heels and easing myself onto it. The vibrator I know will produce an orgasmic response from my body – riding the huge cock really won’t. The sensation of being so completely filled in a sexual sense is exciting, especially when I know how much of a turn on it is to my husband (and you guys) to watch me ride it – and while it rubs my tonsils from down below, it doesn’t rub be where those nerve endings will take me to sexual nirvana.

To me, the idea of the performance – and meeting the expectations of the audience – is far more intimidating than using a toy with a lot of moving parts. And, in my experience, that’s what a lot of those toys are really about – performing. My girlfriends will occasionally admit when the subject arises that, for the most part, a very simple external massager is what curls the toes. Masturbation for the sake of masturbation isn’t nearly as engaging as masturbation for the sake of getting others to masturbate.

And with all that said, it’s very important – extremely important – that men understand nothing will ever replace the feeling of having a real, in-the-flesh rock hard cock sliding into you. There’s no mechanical device that will ever replace that sensation and level of intimacy. So, there really doesn’t need to be any fear of being replaced by a vibrator.

But don’t be afraid to enjoy the show, either.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday – Sex Session Confessions

Like most anyone who’s been in a relationship for a long time, there are highlights of some sexual antics that outshine the routine that most of us settle into. I think every now and then, it’s important to revisit those moments where it was all about the quality of the sex and raw energy that came with it.

So, for this week’s TMI Tuesday, we’re back onto my favourite subject: sex.

1. Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session? Name the positions.

Absolutely. It’s not really that rare for us to mix things up a little bit; and I can’t really say we have a list of “go to” positions. This past weekend, for example, our night between the sheets included: him giving me oral, followed by him entering me missionary, then my legs up on his shoulders, then a little doggy style with me on my hands and knees – “oh god, wait … that feels so incredible, but I want to watch.” – which leads to standing up with him behind me while I prop my hands against the row of mirrors in our bedroom.

So, when the moment is inspired, we kind of let things take us where they do …

2. Have you ever had sex continuously for more than an hour? Was it all intercourse or other methods of sexual pleasure?

Yes, but certainly not a full hour of straight intercourse. Goodness, I’m certain that would result in some serious friction burn (and yes, let’s be realistic here…) With my own husband, when we get into a huge session like this, there’s lots of foreplay, oral, toys, penetration – great times of sharing fantasies and opening up our imaginations. Our last experience with another couple was probably the best for a full hour of continual sexual activity. That encounter involved a whole lot of oral, followed by a little masturbation and finally intercourse (with own partners). But, let’s be honest, with four people in the mix, it’s a lot easier to spread around the fun!

3. Have you planned & devoted an entire day to sex/sexual activity?

Way back when we were young and had no money and no kids, this was our usual Sundays. We lived in such a pathetic little town and sad three room apartment when we were first married. It was just a better way to spend the time together and plan for the future.

4. Have you been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained?

No. I’m much more of a breath-holder and quiet moaner than someone who screams at the top of her lungs. Always have been that way; a little self-conscious I guess. A big part of that has been from years of: living with male roommates in college who would have never let me live it down, to being married and living in a tiny apartment with paper-thin walls in a remarkably narrow-minded small town, to being a mom with inquisitive little kids (who have grown into teenagers and don’t need to know certain things about their mother).

5. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?

OK, small moment of vanity … but yes. I’ve been told numerous times (including those not my husband) that I have a very remarkable oral talent. However, it’s also a little bit of a “cheat.” I actually took one of those “How to turn on your man” workshops where the woman teaching the session gave us some incredible take-home tips. (I took it with a friend who works in radio and wanted material for her talk show but didn’t want to go alone) My husband still declares to this day that the cost of the session for me was the best money he has ever spent.

6. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk?

Yes, but dirty talk is also a very difficult talent to pull off properly. There’s an extremely fine line between creepy/inappropriate and erotic/engaging.

BONUS: What words during sex totally turn you off or distract you from the task at hand?

“I just heard the kids outside the bedroom door.”

Andee     xoxo

Invisible Boyfriends?

The very strange and somewhat ‘sad’ mobile app launched today – Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend. The idea is for those lonely hearts to create a façade of having someone in their intimate life by relying on an app to send them text messages, phone calls, selfies and a handwritten note – all for around $25.

Now far be it from me to cast any judgement on anyone who would use such a service. I get “loneliness” and I get the need to put up a brave front among those more relationship-privileged peers and family members. And, according to the creators, it can also help maintain the shield of those in somewhat unique relationships or fear scorn for their sexual orientation by creating a plotline of romance and affection.

You know some people will buy into this.

But I started to think, despite the novelty concept, is this what technology has driven us to? Have we become such a society where we need to rely on our electronic gadgets to fulfill a relationship void in our lives?

Kinda scary when you get right down to it.

But all along, I kept thinking “invisible boyfriend … mine’s in the drawer in my night stand.”

Andee     xoxo

Infographic | History of Sex Dolls

I’ve always had this strange fascination with the idea of a “sex doll.” Not so much in terms of sexual intrigue, but a mixture of bewilderment and disbelief that people would find them remotely erotic. That said, it seems that the evolution of the modern sex doll has taken them away from the bizarre “pool floatie” type construction to something more … um … realistic(?).

Anyway, found this fun infographic I just had to share…

TMI Tuesday | Memorable Moments

“Memorable sex is not necessarily amazing sex, though amazing sex is certainly memorable.”

I haven’t been the best at keeping up with the TMI Tuesday lately, but the past few months have been wild and crazy for me – and sadly not in a way that will make my answers to this week’s entry all that much more exciting.

1. Tell us your top 3 memorable and/or amazing sexual experiences thus far in 2014.

1. My first orgasm of the year.
2. My first time having intercourse of the year.
3. Making my husband tell me his secret fantasy about his coworker

2. What made the encounters memorable/amazing?

For questions 1 and 2, it makes more sense once you understand that in December 2013 I had a fairly serious operation that certainly changed a substantial part of what makes me a woman. Being laid up for six weeks, and then having another two added on before intercourse was allowed made for a very frustrating start to 2014. And when I felt good enough to try to coax an orgasm out with the aid of my favourite battery-operated boyfriend (external manipulation only), it was very nerve-wracking. I had already endured a major change in the quality and initiation of my orgasms after childbirth, so I was terrified of another change in my ability to have them.

It took a great deal of getting used to; and I suppose I still am 10 months later.

As for my husband’s confession … there is nothing hotter than tormenting a man, taking him to the absolute brink of the point of no return and making him share his naughtiest thoughts. My husband has a particular coworker who I have known for some time that he has a bit of an affection for. One night, fairly recently actually, I made him tell me in graphic detail about her, and what he thinks she would be like sexually. I LOVE hearing his fantasies.

3. What is memorable and amazing about you?

Oh boy … a vanity question. Um … this is what guys tell me, not so much what I believe:

First thing is my eyes. Deep, dark brown; guys always compliment me and tell me how sexy my eyes are. I’ll take it.

Second thing are my legs. Again, I tend to think I’m too short to have sexy legs, but they certainly seem to come up in conversation from my website pics and Twitter. Once again, I’ll take it.

Third thing – and this is truly my one sliver of sexual vanity – my oral sex talents. I’ve willingly accepted that this is something I excel at, mostly because I actually took a course in how to give them. But also because it’s something that I think both the guy and myself can enjoy in the heat of the moment; and shared sexual experiences that border on amazing … it’s a given that they are good things.

BONUS: Which of the things listed below should be infectious?

a. smiles
b. wealth
c. laughter
d. good health

Wealth is too fickle, and has far too many interpretations. For me, c) and d) are the two things that should be infectious.

Andee     xoxo