Six Reasons To Talk About Lingerie

With the Christmas season on the horizon – and, who could ignore the massively-advertised newest American holiday of “Black Friday” – there is no doubt some of you guys are going to be wondering what you can get for your significant other to significantly improve your chances of unwrapping her in the near future.

Lingerie has been a go-to for bedroom fashion for eons. I suspect even the earliest attempt at a seductive statement likely involved some cave-dweller trimming a touch of sabre-tooth tiger fur off the hem of her frock.

But before you launch yourself into the lacy realm of stockings, garters and teddies, there may be a few conversations worth having with your intended lingerie model. Unfortunately, nothing will put a chill on a romantic Christmas evening than a naughty present that isn’t accepted with the same excitement it was gifted.

Know her tastes

If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of colourful underwear already (bras, panties) … stick to the basics of black or red.

Let’s start with the easy; and keep in mind, the whole idea of knowing her tastes falls with almost every other point below. Her daily wardrobe will give you the best clues to her lingerie personality. Are her colour choices are subtle, vibrant, coordinated? Does she own more than one pair of heels higher than 3-inches? Pay attention to her everyday life to discover the best way to get her into something a little sexier. If her go-to look is your old college sweatshirt and a pair of tired ol’ track pants, chances are she’s not going to trade them for a clingy, sheer, gartered teddy with some Cuban-heel stockings.

Classic looks are always winners when starting out – flirty babydolls, lacy teddies, even the three-piece bra/panty/garterbelt set. Save the kinky stuff until you know she’s really into playing the seductress role.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. If you saw me in my daily setting, you would never suspect I had a travel trunk chalk full of naughty intimates. Some women have conflicting environments – a work role that is stylishly restrictive, so a bedroom style that blows up the sensuality and sexuality. But if she’s one these women, you’ll already know.

Know her reality

In all the time you have ever been together have you heard her say, “I just love how that thin fabric strip of a thong makes me feel like I’m being sawn in half.” I hate thongs. I almost never wear them except for when I do photo shoots or with the occasional dress that won’t let me get away with something I find more comfortable – and even then I can assure you, I’m weighing the reality of going commando.

It pays to know what she likes in her daily life – because if she thinks you expect her to get all glammed up for a night of bedroom passion, she’s already feeling performance anxiety. Don’t add to her reluctance by making her stray too far from what she feels comfortable in. Besides, if you play the whole plan properly, the thong/bikini/boyshorts won’t stay on for long anyway.

Know her limits

Ask yourself the question “Will she really like this?” I love lingerie. I wear a lot of it, I pose in and out of a lot of it … I’ve had men who weren’t my husband buy me lingerie to wear, I’ve bought lingerie to wear for men that weren’t my husband. But over time I have also come to realize that I tend to be a little unique. Most women don’t own a lot of lingerie, and some probably have only ever worn it on their wedding day. If this is your partner, that 50 Shades of Grey-inspired pleather outfit with wet-look stockings, riding crop and 6-inch stilettos may not be a good way to introduce her to the idea of wearing lingerie.

If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t have a lot of colourful underwear already (bras, panties) … stick to the basics of black or red. If she’s self-conscious, black is always best even if it is a bit cliché. If she’s a more colourful type, ask her what her favourite colour is and stick with that.

Also consider if it is the kind of lingerie you’d like her to wear outside of the house. That can also determine how much of a leap is required in her comfort level.

Know your budget

Maybe you’ve heard that country song by Gretchen Wilson that says “Victoria’s Secret, their stuff’s real nice … but I can get the same thing from Wal-Mart half-price.” I’m not suggesting you cheap out on your purchase, but you also need to recognize that some women may only wear your purchase once. And they may only wear it for a matter of minutes. Are you really keen on dropping that $600 for La Perla or Agent Provocateur?

As someone who has worn a lot of different pieces of lingerie over the past several years, I can honestly tell you that your best bang for your buck won’t come from the money spent – but the consideration given to how she will look while wearing it, especially if she is not a frequent connoisseur of lacy things.

Know her size

This goes without saying; if you take nothing else from my blog today, at least take this one tip with you. There’s no excuse for not knowing her size – she has a drawer full of bras, panties and other assorted items that she wears on a daily basis. Do your homework before you buy.

Predict the future

OK, you’re probably wondering how this relates. Easy, if you pay attention to the clues she gives you and her lifestyle, you’ll already have everything you need to wow her with lingerie that she will happily slip into. Just like hunting, don’t go in for the kill if you haven’t stalked your prey – and a woman in lingerie is a rare and allusive creature. She can be skittish and easily scared off.

Above all, if the risks still seem too great, try the old-fashioned route: ask.

And don’t forget the stockings …

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Sex In The Summer

Generally, I try to be positive and thoughtful in some of the writing I post. I think part of the reason why I struggled with my blog entries this past spring was that I wasn’t really feeling the creative energy on that side of my personality. Over the past few months, things have grown into a whirlwind of frustration and stress as I try to keep pace with what is happening away from the reason I started this blog.

But in an effort to push myself back to where I want to be – where I need to be – I’ve resolved that even the moments of dark and reluctant thoughts deserve to be aired. So, this week while many of my fellow TMI Tuesday participants are blogging great sexual summer thoughts about hot weather and burning passions, I’m stripping it down again to the rawness of where your Sexy Northern Angel is at.

1. Summer clothes are more revealing than winter clothes. What is the skimpiest outfit that you wear out in public?
A picture is worth a 1,000 words…and from when I was a 1,000 times happier with the way I looked. We were away for a weekend and attending a lifestyle event (swingers dance). You can’t really tell how nervous I was, but that was soon eased when I realized that compared to a lot of the other women, I was almost over-dressed for the occasion. This would be the most risque I would say, as opposed to showing you somewhat normal photos of me in a bikini – which is a standard occurrence in the summer.

2. What summer outfits turn you on when you see other people wearing them?
I’m a sucker for a fit man in a tight white t-shirt and jeans. Given that some days are way too hot for pants, a nice pair of fitted shorts on a guy is eye-catching. Definitely not the baggy, below the knee board shorts that are tragically many men’s choice of fashion; if you’re any shorter than 6’ those ridiculous shorts make you look squatty and that’s not a good look. Try nice, somewhat dressier but still casual shorts, hemmed above the knee.

As I get a little older, my tastes on what I find sexy on a man change. My husband is to blame for how my sense of fashion changes, and some of the snarkiness in my take on guys past 30 who try way too hard to look like an 18-year old Californian surfer. These days I’m less likely to participate in the beach flirtation as I am to watch in twisted delight as the more youthful posture and pose. The guy who stands the chance to get into my bikini is the guy who will look amazing on the sidewalk bistro patio ordering a refreshing summer beverage and salad or strolling around antique shops off the beaten path.

And ditch the Old Navy $1 flip flops.

3. Summer is hot! Sex is hot! Do you find hot summer weather leads to hot summer sex?
I would love to say that summer is the perfect time for canoodling and getting sweaty busy. Right now with two very busy teenage boys in my house, there’s virtually no time for those romantic thoughts of connecting on a blanket under the stars. Our daily schedule is more like trying to juggle flaming cats and chainsaws with one hand while you attempt to give yourself a little self pleasure with your free hand.

However, I have fond memories of how hot summer weather can lead to hot summer sex. And I love hot summer sex. I love the sensation of two sweaty bodies connected, the slight salty taste of a sweaty kiss and the added slipperiness of the moment.

Yep; delightful, fond memories…

4. It’s summer and oysters are off the menu. What foods are the aphrodisiacs of summer?
For men, rumour is watermelon is a natural stimulant for better erections … just make sure you eat enough, and don’t wear a Speedo to the dinner table!

For me, personally, see the answer to Question 5 …

5. Summertime is hot and thirsty time. What is your favorite summer drink, alcoholic or not?
This summer my adult beverage of choice is the Somersby Apple Cider, an alcoholic drink that goes down way too easily on hot summer days (and nights).

6. Two traditional vacation destinations to beat the summer heat are the mountains and the shore. Where do you like to go?
Given my preference, I would choose the shore. I love the beach and the water … mostly I love watching the people. As I mentioned above in my rant about men in board shorts, I do enjoy the voyeuristic opportunity that the shoreline provides. I love watching the posturing between the 20-somethings as they work through the beach towel flirtations.

7. Summertime is road trip time. Do you like to go on vacation by car?
These days, travelling by car is about the only way we get away on a vacation. We adopted a rescue dog back in 2012 and family vacation time involves him, so that means travelling to pet-friendly locations. Mostly camping. Add to the equation that I have two active boys who play competitive sports – which means weekends spent at tournaments … which eats up those precious vacation days.

8. Summertime is experiment time. What are you going to do this summer that you’ve never done before?
Unfortunately, this is probably the worst summer to ask … my reality is I’m currently working in an environment that has denied almost all vacation time to the vast majority of employees, my social schedule is non-existent and my mood rather dark and frustrated. So, I suppose one thing I could say I’m doing that is new is working on finding a new job and trying to come to terms with where I am at in my life right now.

9. Summertime can be hazardous. What summer threat do you fear most? Possibilities: bugs, wildlife, heat, lightning…
Amphibians … frogs/toads/anything that hops that doesn’t have a basket of Easter eggs in its grubby little paws.

10. Summertime is summer fling time. Have you ever had a summertime romance? How far did it go?
No, I’ve not had a fling that lasted only for a summer. My relationships have tended to be more longer term, although I did have an awesome summer the year I met the man who would become my husband. That’s a fling that has been going on for 24 years this month.

BONUS: Summertime is Festival time – music, art, seafood, and more. What festivals have you attended or will you attend?
I’m not much for making my summer entertainment priority “festivals” … probably the last big one I went to was the Friday the 13th event held in Port Dover, ON. It’s a huge motorcycle festival that has been going on for years. While the one I went to was a summertime Friday the 13th, this is something that happens in that town EVERY Friday the 13th.

I think my favourite festival of all time would be the annual International Food & Wine festival held at Epcot in Orlando, FL. Although this happens in autumn, it’s a great experience beyond what the amusement park usually offers.

Andee     xoxo

Trying Not To Look Too Slutty

It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.

This one came from one of my Twitterfollowers a few weeks ago and has kind of sat in my mind – and archive – for a bit.

When you get dressed up, do you pay attention to whether you look ‘too slutty’?

Outside of the fun that happens with me online, there are kind of two realities at work for me as to why this isn’t really an issue: my personal struggle with fashion and my offline environment not being truly conducive to being that way.

I have said before that a tremendous amount of my personal style belongs to the fashion sense of my husband. He is a very unique man who could spend hours – and hundreds of dollars – taking me shopping. Almost all the outfits you see when I post pics on my blog and Twitter are the result of him taking the time to pick something out for me (with the exception of some lingerie and boots, which I have been ‘spoiled’ in receiving from a couple male friends). Without that guidance, I would easily opt for the most comfortable and practical style … and certainly not have the ability to tease, flirt and torment as much as I do!

Some of the women I work with, quite literally, ask if they can take him shopping with them after they discover that a certain outfit was something he picked out, etc.

In those moments when I feel like pushing the envelope a little, my decisions are completely based on being a distraction – but not so much that it would impact my professional reputation. I aim for the “sexy” most of all.

Secondary to that, my day-to-day life is rooted in a very conservative work environment. I occasionally push the limits a little with some shorter hems and by wearing my friends’ lingerie underneath, but for the most part I can’t get away with too much. Heck, we even have a policy for heel height – which rules out all those impossible sky-high stilettos you guys love on us.

And, my day-to-day-not-at-work life is rooted in playing taxi driver to a couple of exceptionally busy young men. I’m sure I could get away with being a little sexier in my outfits for those nights when I’m just a spectator to their activities – and likely not get any complaints from the Dads in attendance – but it’s not always practical to be wearing a miniskirt and heels to a hockey game.

But, having said that, every now and then, the opportunity arises for me to go out on a hot date with my husband and not dress so “Momish.” Again, I get an awful lot of advice and requests from him … and occasionally I will relent and slip into something just so we can cut the night short and get home early (if you know what I mean).

Even then, my husband’s fashion sense isn’t about trying to make me look “slutty” as much as it is about trying to help me feel confident, stylish and sexy.

In all honesty, the only times I have ever felt close to ‘slutty’ are a couple of occasions when we went to a lifestyle club – but my initial concerns over my own outfit were soon dispelled by what I saw other women almost wearing. And in that kind of setting, their sluttier seems to be the better!

I think there is a need to understand what “too slutty” can mean. With some people, they think that a woman should stop wearing certain styles when they reach a certain age. But others think that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should dress how she wants because she has the confidence in her sexuality to let all those societal conventions disappear.

I think there is a difference between what may be acceptable in our society and what might be a bit much, but at the end of the day, if a woman has the confidence to carry her sense of style off, then who are we to pass judgment?

Andee     xoxo 

Too Old For What?!

First bit of advice: never take any article written that uses an unnamed “corporate spokesperson” as its primary source to be a very credible piece.

I said to my husband this morning, as I sipped on my coffee and scanned a few bits and pieces online before work that I felt a rant coming on over something published on Yahoo. OK, second piece of advice: never take anything published as “news” on Yahoo as credible. They make those bitter and self-indulgent Carrie Bradshaw wannabes at Cosmo look like they stand a chance at a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

The article which raised my ire was entitled “You’re Too Old To Wear That.” Another fluffy piece that suggests women must adhere to specific style standards as they climb the chronological ladder. And the primary “expert” was someone from a company that specializes in anti-aging skin care.

Apparently, a study conducted by said “skin-care company” found one third of the 2,000 women they polled (all of whom were over 45) worried that some items in their wardrobe were age-inappropriate, and 80 per cent felt they “needed to abandon ‘younger’ styles as they grew older.”

“We think middle aged is supposed to be later, but women are saying that in the early 40s a lot of things need to be toned down,” the unnamed corporate source said.

Now, before you think the top of my head is going to blow off, there are some things that I do agree should be retired. Anything that can be mistaken for a sequined napkin being passed off as a miniskirt might be best saved for those “special club nights” and not the office. And I know you guys will all be disagreeing with me, saying a miniskirt is the perfect choice for work, but a lot of offices have these things called “policies” and they’re usually written by stuffy women with self-esteem and feminism issues who subscribe to articles such as this as “workplace attire gospel.”

If there is anything superficial that I get compliments on, it is my legs – and I am proud of the fact that I have the kind which will serve as pleasant distractions for many of you guys. Forgive my moment of vanity, but damn it, I enjoy the attention … particularly “at my age.”

Believe it or not, there are quite a few of us that are perfectly comfortable with our ability to provide a visual distraction. Looking sexy – and seeing that others are noticing you looking sexy – helps us feel sexy, which in turn fuels a lot of what goes on in our imaginations. It’s also a magnificent method of dealing with work-related stress.

Maybe that’s just because I love to flirt.

And, I am intelligent enough to match wits with the best, so this isn’t a habit of compensation or leverage to “get ahead” in a “man’s world.” It’s more in tune with having reached an age where my appreciation for playing the part has greater depth; and the fact that I couldn’t really care less what the majority of my female peers have to say about the length of my skirt or the height of my heels.

The disappointing aspect of articles like these – beyond being “sponsored” by corporations that market anti-aging products to women – is that they add to the societal confines already placed on women. The messages say “you’re too old to wear anything above the knee” and “you’re too old for that colour of lipstick.”

Women should be celebrating their confidence as they “get older.” I am in a much more comfortable place at 38 than I was at 28, and at 18. And as such, I get to enjoy the benefits of that confidence even more. To sit back and think that in three years I need to hide my miniskirts and start shopping for sensible shoes is ridiculous.

In fact, in three years I hope everyone around me will be staring in disbelief with “Damn she looks hot for her age.”

But even if they don’t, I won’t care. I’m not defined by silly notions concocted by the marketing departments and “corporate spokespeople” at companies which sell anti-aging products.

THE OTHER SUGGESTED SILLINESS

• knee-high boots should be retired by age 45
• tattoos start to look bad by the mid-50s
• ditch high heels by the time you are 59
• hair braids only in your 20s
• pants that say “pink,” or anything, for that matter, on the butt
• stop wearing light, short, flimsy dresses as the upper thighs…change…with age  

Andee     xoxo

An Authentic Brunette’s Random Thoughts

For me this one is a bit of a personal debate as I ponder what will come next for my hairstyle … although I have never thought of going blonde … I found this little interesting argument online at a “mail order bride” site (don’t ask).

“Since time immemorial, poets, writers, journalists, social scientists, talk show hosts, you name them, have struggled and fought to answer the question that burns in men’s minds: Which shade of woman is preferred and why…blondes or brunettes? Are blondes better lovers? Are brunettes better suited in the boardroom? Can blondes be trusted? Is a brunette a better mate?

Blonde hair is unique in that it typically darkens with age. So a blonde woman gives the impression of being younger, more able to procreate. Theory has it that men have subconsciously developed an attraction to mate with women who appear younger, thus increasing the chances of having children. In northern climes, where survival of the species is paramount, one school of thought believes blondes developed genetically in order to attract more males and therefore increase the odds of maintaining the species.

Lighter eyes are a more desired trait as interest, such as in a male, is more easily seen in the pupil dilation (the signal of interest) of a blue-eyed women versus those of a dark-eyed one.

As early as the 14th century women were dying their hair lighter in order to look younger and become, they believed, more attractive. This is true in many traditionally dark haired areas of the world, for example Latin America, where a lighter haired and skinned woman is more highly prized than her brunette counterpart…so they say.

However, studies have shown that corporate entities seem to favour brunettes as managers and executives as illustrated by the size of their paycheck over those of blondes. Another study espoused that brunettes are preferred by men as mates and are more trustworthy and loyal. If you want to have fun, go with a blonde. But marry a brunette…”

So … brunette or blonde … maybe I might find a good wig for a photo set or two!

Andee     xoxo