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It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
Do you ever see someone – a perfect stranger – and wonder what they would be like as a lover, as a partner … as a one-night stand?
There’s this guy I see most mornings on my drive into work. He stands at the end of his driveway with his young kids waiting with them for their school bus. As much as I can tell as I drive by, he’s a handsome man – and obviously a pretty good father. He dresses somewhat casually, and appears to be fairly fit.
But you know, sometimes my mind takes these little turns and thoughts pop into my head that aren’t exactly vanilla. Here’s this guy, who I know absolutely nothing about as a person, other than in the mornings he is out in all kinds of weather with his kids, waiting. So my mind wanders; what does he do after the bus leaves? Does he work at home? Where’s the kids’ mom? Is she inside all dressed up in naughty lingerie waiting for a morning session of sweaty sex?
Or, maybe, he’s alone. Maybe he wishes there was someone waiting back in the bedroom, dressed in naughty lingerie. Maybe his wife is so wrapped up in her own career now that she’s basically left him to be Mr. Mom.
What would happen if I just pulled into the driveway one day as the school bus passed me?
It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.
It looks like Thigh High Thursday will be the first feature to make a comeback on my blog! I hope to get all those great features you guys enjoy back up, but going step by step right now, and this Thursday you’ll see the first one!
Thanks for those who voted. I’m hoping I’ll see more and more engagement here as I get everything rolling again.
As always, feel free to leave a comment or share an idea with me!
Not a brilliantly sexy entry today.
In Canada over the past week there’s been tremendous outpouring of grief, support and compassion following the terrible, terrible accident in Humboldt, Saskatchewan. What may seem strange to some people is just how deep that accident affected our nation. In Canada, hockey is such a big part of our fabric. It’s just part of who we are.
And, frankly, mass deaths are just not part of our cultural reality either. To Canadians, it’s very shocking; even more so when it involves young lives taken way too soon.
Of course, as we move through the collective mourning, questions beyond the situation begin to arise in conversations and relationships. I think it’s a natural part of understanding death to recoil into yourself and examine how you’re pursuing your own life, your own dreams … your own legacy.
It’s a simple question. But I don’t believe it comes with any simple answers:
If you were dying and could only offer one piece of advice, what would it be?
You know, for me this question is almost a plague. I don’t mean that in a flippant way, but it’s something that, as I grow older, I find myself internalizing and struggling to answer to my own accord. It rests in a corner of my mind, challenging the decisions I made in my life so far, the impact of those decisions on my family, my relationship, and my own sense of worth. What advice can you leave that doesn’t get lost in a clichéd moment of “if it was only that simple.”
There’s a lot of reality to “pursue your dreams” and “live life by your own rules.” Very real obstacles will stand in your way – some, perhaps, insurmountable. There will be societal rules and, often, obligations. If you spend all that time pursuing a dream and it never comes to fruition, is your legacy that of someone who tried despite the odds, or (cynically) is your legacy that of a failure? These are real thoughts you must overcome and set a path for yourself.
When you’re young, you don’t consider some of this. Often you’re working to establish a life based on what society expects of you – a career, financial plan, car, family, house … a stable relationship where you know the other person’s last name. Our society also has a very dark and twisted way of dragging you into materialism and debt. It doesn’t take long before you’re wondering if vacation this summer is a week at a KOA, or if you work hard and save, can we spend a week somewhere tropical?
It’s so easily done – and so insidious – how your life gets into the routine where other people have greater control and influence on your decisions. In short time, you’ve not only mortgaged your house, but also your soul.
And then “boom” … something rattles your world, and you begin to reflect on where you are, what you’re doing – and why.
It’s easy to paint that as the stereotypical “midlife crisis”, but the truth is, it’s not something a Mercedes convertible or a trophy wife/husband is going to solve. Your path has been paved by someone else’s expectations of where they think you need to be. For so many people, this is what creates that feeling of being trapped – trapped by the inability to shed that life and challenge themselves.
One of the greatest quotes I’ve heard on this came from comedian (and Canadian) Jim Carrey. He said “so many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”
That’s very true. Our habit is to create a safe zone and rarely venture from it.
For me, pushing those boundaries is a big part of my website and sexual experiences I’ve had in my marriage. When I first started down this path, the whole idea was about fulfilling a need for excitement, testing the waters of my sexuality and fantasies. Even now, 16 years later, there’s a frightening aspect to it that still weighs on me, but I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made. It’s a small way of pushing against complacency, despite the potential risks and consequences. It’s one less thing that, when my time comes, I can answer the “what if?”
It hasn’t been easy. There’s constant doubt, fear … worries about the impact pursuing a simply impulse might have in the long run. It can be very hard to overcome the societal mores; which is also what I think people fight against when trying to bring meaning and purpose to life – and not just from the sexual perspective like mine.
I’m at a stage right now of that self-reflection; a time in my life when I’ve come to consciously understand how precious and limited our time on this earth can be. I’ve started to wonder – almost plan – whether or not the best idea is to skip the “retirement savings” and live today and let the future be what it is.
I won’t call it a midlife crisis though, merely a process of taking stock and evaluating what my true desires are.
There are so many other adventures to be had, so many paths to forge … if there’s enough bravery and determination.
My advice: Embrace the adventure; make it yours not someone else’s.
Here we are…some 15 months since we were last together.
I stopped keeping my blog up-to-date because, basically, I had run out of ideas to write about. And, along with that, I had also entered a bit of down-cycle in my own sex life, so some of the inspiration was gone.
That doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with where I’m at. Far from it. It means I reached a very real stage where life took over; things got busy. I couldn’t pretend to be the woman you were reading about anymore. That’s the real challenge with having an online persona that has a limited dimension (let’s be honest, it was all about the sex). When you lose that fire, it becomes difficult to maintain the façade.
I enjoy these cycles though. Even though my sex life at present doesn’t involve swinging from the chandeliers or diving naked into a moaning pile of sexy people in mid-orgy, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other adventures happening. They’re just not as sexy – or worth blogging about here. As sex becomes less wild to write about, other highs and lows emerge. For me those moments were the past few years as a parent to very active teenagers.
Teenagers who didn’t want to know too much about how mom was spending her free time…and I don’t want to bring them into this mix. They’re going to need enough therapy as it is…
The question is now…can I find some inspiration to write again?