Author Archives: andeesc2
I wrote earlier about how, as I got older, my fantasies evolved.
I’m still outrageously turned on by the idea of sex with a stranger. If you’ve read my erotica, you’ll see that this is a common theme throughout; random encounters that have led to incredible moments of sexual discovery. Same with threesomes; the delicious naughtiness of having two playmates in my bed is phenomenal. Of course, writing about such ideas is somewhat easy – but it doesn’t make it any less of a fantasy for me.
As we mature, I think our fantasies do as well. Along with this, our willingness to let them flourish also matures; we become, in a sense, less intimidated by the notion. Our personal psychology has grown, our understanding developed and (hopefully) our fears reduced. It’s still natural to have some anxiety over these naughty thoughts in our imagination, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to put any of it into action.
For me, getting older also meant more freedom to let my imagination run wild. The guilt was gone, and the fear of being open about my thoughts also vanished. My fantasies became much more of an escape – and, as you probably have figured out, a huge part of my online not-so-secret life.
Part of the history of my website, and this blog, is deeply entrenched in my own fantasies: the voyeurism and exhibitionism, the exploration of where it could lead, the interaction with people on somewhat sexual terms. In a way, it touches on a part of me that was repressed for a long time (I grew up in a very Catholic house, so there’s a lot of repression in my life). And while “Andee” has really become this whole other woman so very different from the real me, she is still really me. She is the part of me who explores the fantasies, let’s her mind go crazy when she sees a cute guy, flirts like made with male coworkers and indulges in sexual innuendo. She doesn’t feel guilty, or as afraid; much braver than the real me.
So, what fantasies turn me on these days?
- Threesome sex – absolutely still very high on my list of sexual fantasies I want to turn into a reality. Been close, but just not quite. The idea of involving another man in our bedroom activity absolutely makes me wet.
- ‘Stranger’ sex – as mentioned at the start of today’s entry, this idea frequently pops into my mind when I’m feeling particularly horny. But not just random, nameless sex … my fantasy is complicated and detailed. Read my erotica and you’ll get it.
- Lesbian sex – my bi-sexual/bi-curious leaning drives me crazy sometimes. It’s something I had a small taste of, and I still yearn for the moment when I can sate my appetite for another woman.
That is really the strong trio of what fills my imagination with dirty, dirty thoughts and makes my panties moist when my mind gets a bit too carried away.
I think everyone still has those thoughts in mind that if they could, they would check off a few items on the bucket list, sexual of otherwise. In my case, there may be one or two things like I would still like to experience.
The primary one would be to have a proper threesome experience with my husband and another man. As you know, if you follow my blog, I’ve had a few close calls … and explored sexually with another couple as a foursome. But to have that real threesome would be an experience for me.
The challenge – before all you volunteers line up – isn’t about finding any ol’ partner to join us; the challenge is that I am still very much a romantic at heart. For me to engage in sex with another person, I need to feel some sort of chemistry between us.
I know for some women, it’s not so much of an issue – sex is sex, and let’s just get it done. The older I get, actually the less sexually free in that sense I become. I would like my sexual experiences to have some meaning; a small degree of intimacy and mutual connection. If you’re going to stick it in me, I’d like to know you have a sliver of interest in me as a person, not just as some temporary cock garage.
So going out and just getting a hard dick for the night isn’t where my fantasy takes me.
The other experience would probably be somewhat similar, in that I would like to like to have an equally proper bisexual experience with another woman … only this time, just me and her, no expectations, no horny husbands waiting in the wings to jump in afterwards. No, I would like to have that moment selfishly all to myself …. and maybe an extended encounter; a weekend away where we could spend a couple of days indulging each other in some of the greatest girl on girl sex we could muster.
I love my husband, and my previous bisexual encounters were delightful, but it would be great to not have any masculine expectations, or feel that things must be hurried (or posed) for that male perspective.
There’s a great deal of ‘myth’ built up around the whole idea of swinging. Misleading advertising by ‘hedonist’ resorts, lifestyle clubs and the Internet in general have people believing it’s something it really isn’t.
Forgive me as I write this … I’m a couple glasses of wine in and just a smidgen pissed off at a certain account that appears in my Instagram feed for one of those ‘exclusive couples-only tropical vacations’ resorts.
Now, I certainly do not want to begrudge anyone the opportunity to find their happiness. I can say that during our tenure as participants in the ‘lifestyle’, we met a number of people who were truly happy – and secure – in their relationships with their partner. We met some truly lovely ocean-deep souls – and some truly lovely bodies with puddle-deep souls. We met couples where it was pretty obvious the man in the relationship was commanding the whole experience – and we met couples where the wife had said ‘enough with the boredom of monogamy’ and was in complete control of the adventure.
But at the same time, we also met a number of people (including us) who weren’t ready for it; couples who figured it was something completely different than the reality.
Now, in our own case, it’s not that we weren’t ready for what the lifestyle stands for – the freedom, the sexual exploration and indulgence without guilt. In our relationship, we were very ready to explore a far more hedonistic aspect – the opportunity to indulge in fantasy, the introduction of others into our sexual relationship. What we found most discouraging was how prevalent cliques played a role in the experience.
The expression someone else shared with us was truer than we wanted to accept: “If you think high school was cliquey, try one of the lifestyle clubs…” It was far more difficult to crack those barriers than it was to build up the courage to say “let’s open up our marriage.”
The truth we learned about swinging was this – if you think it’s difficult to find the right chemistry between two people when dating, trying figuring it out between four people; or even three with someone willing to just hold the condoms and camera.
The ‘lifestyle’ is a very complex and complicated experience. It’s nothing remotely like the stereotype, nor is it anything close to what the Internet portrays it to be. Although, I will admit, the Internet has certainly enabled many to explore their fantasies. But our experience with the ‘lifestyle’ was much like the skepticism these days about the reality of ‘Instalives’. Let us see behind the scenes for a taste of reality.
And don’t get me started on the whole marketing approach of these lifestyle venues, either. From tropical resorts to neighbourhood dance clubs, based on their marketing alone you might think that swingers can only be those with zero percent body fat, women no bigger than a size three with perpetually perky 38D breasts and men with … (ahem) … massive (constantly hard) cocks. Nothing could be further from the truth – but it’s so discouraging and intimidating for those with curiosities.
It’s difficult to arrive at a stage in a marriage where you’re comfortable sharing the fantasy of mutually exploring with other people. From a woman’s perspective, there’s a real fear over the idea of allowing another man to be intimate with you. You’re moving out from the ideas in your head to the reality of it – the physical sensation that rises above the naughty notion of ‘I wonder what it would be like?’ It’s frightening – even when you have agreed in principle – when a man who is not your husband enters you sexually.
I imagine, from a husband’s perspective, that is must be incredibly hard to watch (or know) that another man is doing things to your wife you may not have expected when you exchanged marriage vows with her. I know there is the pressing question of comparison – how was he/was he a better lover/was he bigger, harder/etc.
And then there’s the other side of reality almost no one is willing to talk about – what if all that machismo doesn’t hold up when everyone has their pants off?
With my recent post about sexual boundaries, I was asked to share what mine are and why.
There are some really easy moral ones that I hope the vast majority of us have – legal / consent / species. Pretty straightforward – it has to be legal (including age), it has to be consensual and can not involve any living (or dead) non-human beings.
Clear lines there, no room for debate. Let’s set that aside as the foundation here.
Probably the biggest boundary beyond those would be pain. I’m not excited by pain, nor am I into inflicting it for sexual purposes. I don’t mind a bit of rough play, a little edge – heck, even that tiny early pain involved in anal – but definitely nothing that leaves a mark or draws blood.
In terms of BDSM, I’m like a lot of others – after 50 Shades of Grey, I was intrigued. I dabbled and certainly don’t mind a little soft bondage. To me that can be very exciting – but it has to be consensual and respectful.
I’m not into degradation. I’ve said it before, my role-playing is generally reserved for the very common photo illustrations of schoolgirl, French maid, sexy secretary, etc. But I’m also very honest about my poor acting skills. You won’t find me insulting my sex partner, or being subjected to that kind of degradation. Calling me certain names (slut, cunt, bitch) are real mood killers.
I’m not into ‘water sports’ or other body fluids/excrement outside of cum. Some body functions are best reserved for the privacy of the toilet.
Infidelity, hook ups, dating/sex outside of marriage are also out. If you’re a loyal reader of my blog, you’ll know I have been on this journey with the love, support and encouragement of my husband. That includes dabbling in the swinging lifestyle and exploring a sexual opportunity with a dear friend and coworker. My husband has been there for it all. I’m not in this to meet anyone, for random sex or to replace what I have. I’m the luckiest girl on the planet already.
There are things that are often negotiable, depending on the moment, my level of desire/horniness and the nature of the request. Anal, for example … and facials.
Overall, the boundaries I have are more about my comfort and desire. Although I’ve been a little off tack in this journey, it is still very much a journey of discovery and challenges the limitations of my imagination. It’s about living my best life – including having the best sex.
After my last entry on being more comfortable with sex in my 40s, someone asked me if my sexual boundaries had changed – are they looser or firmer? Had my past experiences done anything to shape how I define my sexuality and sense of adventure?
Wishy-washy answer is yes.
Let me take you a bit deeper. I think life experience in general leads to people changing their sexual boundaries. To me, they’ve never been immovable stone walls. As you try new things and discover likes and dislikes, kinks and twists, they move. It’s no different than your taste for food or fashion. “The times, they are a changin'”
As a young woman, newly married and outrageously naive in the ways of the world, my sexual boundaries were pretty clear and straight forward. I had never considered acting on any of my fantasies – or even just talk about them. I had repressed a lot of those ‘thoughts’ because of my staunch Catholic upbringing. The wildest thing I was willing (with great reluctance and internal conflict) to try was a vibrator. And even then, I had never expressed a desire to try one, my boyfriend at the time thought it would be fun.
He was right.
About the only sense of adventure I had back then was posing for pictures. I had already become comfortable in front of the camera from some experience in mainstream (aka non-nude) modelling.
That proved to be the key to Andee’s own Pandoras Box. It was from there that new ideas, experiences and sexual confidence grew. As the photos evolved from teasingly playful to stocking-clad pin-ups to all-out nudes, a naughtier side of me emerged. Of course, it helped that my husband was very open and supportive. He encouraged me to break free from a lot of unhealthy thoughts and discover many new things about myself.
He allowed me to explore without jealousy, listened to my thoughts and helped me shape some my fantasies – and turn some of them into realities.
My sexual boundaries had grown pretty wide during those days.
But life also has this crazy way of putting you in your place. It’s not so much ‘all good things must come to an end’ … It was just that other priorities became top priorities. And when those priorities have been dealt with, time has passed and that hot, slim brunette vixen has evolved into that road-weary soccer mom with grey hair and crows feet.
If anything, the past eight years have pulled those boundaries back in. Somethings just took a back seat – sexual discovery included. And a dose of reality pushed out some of the fantasy.
But, they’re still movable. My challenge now is to see if I can, and just how far can they really go. Some of that involves evaluating what’s important to me now – both sexually and non.
I may just start back at the beginning … with that delightful buzzing sex toy.