Author Archives: andeesc2
Something I am trying to rediscover in this new stage of my adventure is my spirit of sexuality. It’s not so much about rediscovering sex as an act of intimacy; that was always there in my marriage. But it’s more about getting back in touch with the women inside me who was full of sexual discovery and imagination.
I’ve heard a lot about how, as a woman ages, her libido changes – and not always for the better. I think I must be one of the biological lucky ones because I never lost my physical desire for sex. What I really lost was my real ability to engage with that part of me. As you reach this certain age of midlife, the demands on you become even more intense – work, family, more work, offline responsibilities, bills, mortgages, growing kids. All of a sudden you find a preference for a sexual routine than an erotic adventure. Your sexy lingerie slowly finds its way to the bottom of your dresser drawer in favour of comfy pants and jammies with a llama print.
Stresses become your obsession as you hit this stage of life – and your questions morph from sexual curiosity to a strange theme of measuring up in life. You ask yourself all those horrible questions of doubt. Some of it, I think, is because our society gauges personal success on the square footage of your home and the emblem on your automobile over the experiential journey. Well, unless you’re hooked on Instagram, then it’s all about your Instafake exotic life and ‘worldly’ travels to Scanton.
Of course, there’s also a new degree of freedom at your feet once you realize those things really don’t matter. You are able to let your mind ‘heal’ from the intense pressure of trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of who you should be.
I’m actually looking forward to this new part of the journey. Being able to embrace the refreshed opportunity to explore my sexuality and see what lay ahead is something not many of us can do.
Some of these upcoming entries here will be just about that – my thoughts, experiences and adventures as I discover ‘Sex in my 40s’.
Recently on my Twitter account, one of my followers asked me if I felt my 20-something self was sexier than my current self. It’s not the first time someone has posed this question to me, and so it’s not something that I haven’t given much thought to.
I think a lot of it depends on your own perspective of what is “sexy.” Without question, I think the younger me is far more attractive than the current me. She’s thinner, she still has her long brown hair, and life hasn’t thrown as many punches at her yet. I absolutely would love the physical her back. But, she’s also a lot more naive. She has a few more hang-ups and isn’t quite as sure of herself.
The me of today … well … she’s not as ‘pretty’ as that skinny young thing, but she has a lot more life experience. The stresses in her life haven’t been overly kind, but she is comfortable with her sexuality and has no problems exploring what life can offer. She has conquered quite a few of her fears and fulfilled some of her fantasies. Those experiences have given her a lot more courage and confidence.
To me, sexy isn’t just a physical quality. It’s much more about confidence and courage. It’s about being able to follow your own path and hold your head high regardless of your decisions. It’s about being honest with yourself and recognizing that life is meant to be an adventure.
Is the 20-something Andee ‘sexier’? Not quite. She’s the one who is on that incredible journey to discovery. She (in my opinion) is more physically attractive, but she’s no more sexy than the me of today.
Having said that, my new adventure – and the opportunity to discover even more about who I am, and what my relationship with my husband means – will take me even closer to being the ‘sexy’ that I could comfortably admit to: confident, courageous … and maybe able to fit into those naughty clothes all over again!
It’s been almost a year since my last entry on here. So much has changed in my life, especially the fact that my husband and I are now chasing a whole new adventure overseas. It was a very difficult decision to leave everything that was our comfort zone back in Canada – even more so, my children – but we recognize that to live life, you need to go and find it.
I’m hoping the break, the new scenery and the adventure will also help reignite my desire for some sexual exploration. Now firmly planted in the middle of my 40s, I feel the need to find myself again. Not so much the ‘midlife crisis’ thing, but shake off the residual stress from a couple very intense years of working – something that consumed far too much of my soul. I desperately want to rediscover myself – perhaps even reinvent the current version of me.
I don’t mind saying, I’m very anxious to get back to challenging my limits, exploring the depths of my libido – and maybe leaving my darling hubby sweaty and exhausted from trying to keep up with me.
Hopefully I’ll be able to reconnect with my readers here too – I’ve kept a very detailed ‘diary’ of blog ideas, topics and thoughts I want to share.
Let me preface this by saying, I had a really fun time exploring during our seven years in the “lifestyle.”
I also don’t have any issue with people who choose to explore it.
I was reading the other day, and someone had said they wanted to explore the swinging community after having watched a few episodes of the old Playboy TV show “Swingers.”
I wish that “experts” on the swinging lifestyle would be more honest about it.
The biggest challenge I’ve had in my sexual adventure is keeping my expectations grounded.
Fantasies, because they live inside our head, don’t have restrictions beyond our imagination. They can be as wild, twisted, delicious or scandalous as we want – because there are no boundaries to keep them contained. It’s only when we roll them out do we encounter the confines of societal mores.
The challenge, should you want to attempt to turn a fantasy into a reality, is keeping your expectations in check and realizing there may be a few honest obstacles to prevent them from being perfect.
When my husband and I began to explore some of our own, the tough part wasn’t in what we wanted to try – it was working through the fantasy and making sure we had an open mind. For example, if your fantasy is to have a threesome, the reality is that sex among three people is complicated … very complicated. It’s not tidy, it’s not coordinated, rarely does it go according to how you imagined – and you need to constantly ensure all three people are enjoying the moment.
A lot of people struggle with the notion of keeping two people in sync, never mind an extra.
We never truly hit my threesome fantasy. We had a two-and-a-half … it was a lot of fun, but still wasn’t the threesome that played out in my head.
We also had a couple of foursomes, which was very complicated and awkward … although outrageously hot. Those experiences didn’t quite play out the way I had pictured either, but because we had committed to keeping an open mind (and being very expressive about our own limitations), they were thoroughly enjoyable.
I best described it, afterwards to my husband, as this: “let’s be honest, you really won’t know what you’re willing to do, or try, until you have that other guy’s cock in your hand (or mouth … or his mouth between your legs).”
You can talk at length about wanting to experience full partner swap, you can imagine it a dozen different ways … but until you’re actually in the heat of the moment, you can predict how things will really play out.
If you don’t want your fantasies to suck … you’ve got to let them unwind in their own realistic way, and keep an open mind as you go.