Sex In My 40s | Opening Up

Quite a while ago, someone asked me if talking about sex got easier as I got older.

When I met my husband, I was still young and somewhat naïve about the deeper aspects of sex. Oh, I wasn’t innocent by some standards – but pretty vanilla by most. I kinda knew how it all worked, but there were a lot of things in the dark corners of my mind that I wasn’t too sure about. And I didn’t have the opportunity to discuss them – as you’ve likely read, and figured out, I grew up in a very Catholic and religiously-repressive home.

As my relationship with my husband grew from those early days, it wasn’t really a difficult subject for him to draw out of me. I felt comfortable opening up to him, and I think he liked the enthusiasm his much younger partner had for the topic.

Seriously though, we’ve always been able to be open with each other. What did become easier though, was letting him into my deeper sexual fantasies, pointing some light into the dark corners to draw them out; especially those that challenged the boundaries of a traditionally monogamous marriage.

At first, we were open about the things that we liked as a sexually active couple, but not always about the ideas that floated around that didn’t fall into the concept of a ‘normal’ relationship. We often talked about what we enjoyed with each other – his favourite has always been my oral skills, while I have always been outrageously turned on by his ability to fuck with my mind before he ever gets to my body.

It took a while to open up about threesomes, other partners, swinging, kink, etc. But like I imagine (at least, hope), it’s the same with others – you eventually get there.

What’s different now is I have less fear, or nervousness, about sharing deep sexual thoughts with my husband. It’s easy to say there is stronger trust, but at the same time, there’s a sense of honest curiosity. After you’ve been with someone for a long time, there are not a lot of surprises left. To still be curious about what makes your partner click sexually is something.

And, as I get older, and more fantasies become realities – and we’ve had a chance to dabble and challenge the boundaries of our sexuality as a couple – it becomes far more interesting to talk sex rather than rant about the things going on in the world.

Andee xoxo

Sex In My 40s | Sex Robots

I know it’s been a while, my friends, but life has been absolutely nutty these days. Between pandemic concerns, career moves and adult children living back at home, the sexy side of life has been a tiny bit stagnant.

That’s not to say it’s been terrible, it’s just that we have to recognize that life cycles around, and for all the glorious highs we get to enjoy, we must endure the lows as well. Unfortunately, that also means a somewhat irregular approach to letting you into my naughty mind.

But I’m here again, and hoping, like always, that we can begin fresh with that upward trend towards naughtiness and sexual adventure.

Earlier today, I was reading about a new trend that is emerging in our sex lives – the rise of sex robots. I’m not sure I’m entirely ready for this to be a reality; I find it a little concerning and, let’s be honest, somewhat creepy. I can envision myself indulging in something as such – but there’s a small part of me that also says I need to accept that my expertise with handheld sex toys isn’t far removed from where all this is heading.

I think what I find creepy – and this is only my take – is that the sex robots being prophesized are closer to science fiction androids than just a certain insertable item that happens to resemble some deliciously large cock. I find the thought of a sex toy that can “talk” to me while I work myself into a lather … not exactly an erotic notion. In fact, it kind of makes me feel strangely violated.

My masturbation moments aren’t meant for anything other than my personal stress relief and pursuit of an orgasm. I think I would feel weird about having to participate in some artificial intelligence conversation post-coital.

“Was it good for you C3PO?”

Yikes.

Of course, we can’t ignore the fact that more and more adults are not having sex. Relationships are seemingly on the cusp of the same division politics is bringing into our lives – and making the ability to connect in traditional ways more challenging.

There’s a school of thought out there that we no longer need to have a partner to live comfortably in our culture. And while the traditional model of “marriage” has been evolving for decades, it’s becoming more common for women (especially) to be financially independent, and not rely on combined incomes to get by in life.

And sexually, some say, we can program our sex life with technology to be as perfect as the Instagram feed of that horrible girl we hated in high school that is obviously sleeping her way around the world in order to post perfect pictures.

But to a traditionalist with an untraditional sexual bent like me, sex isn’t meant to be perfect. It’s better with all its glorious unknowns, silliness and unexpected turns. If I wanted robotic sex, I would have stayed with that twit I dated before I met my husband.

Andee xoxo