Aural Sex | Pick Up The Phone

I think I am finally recovered from my weekend. Had a bit too much to drink on Saturday, but had an incredible time partying with friends. Every once in a while you need to let loose and be a little crazy … even if you pay the price for days afterward!

I’m not sure why I was thinking of this one; especially since it isn’t something that I particularly do very often … well, almost never …

Phone sex. And I was thinking, what makes good phone sex?

For me, things like that are a bit awkward. Now, I’ve had sex while on the phone, but I’m not really much of an actress, so role playing in person is a challenge. I can slip on the outfit, pose and pretend for the camera, but having to play something up for videos, webcams or phone sex is difficult for me. I still have a fairly healthy streak of naïve small town girl in me – which I’m not ready to hand over just yet.

But that’s not to say I don’t think it’s an intriguing idea.

I guess I tend to be a study in contradictions …

Anyway, I have only ever done the phone sex things a few times, both with my husband and with other guys. When I was dating my husband, and I was at school, we had a long distance relationship. He was working three hours away and seeing each other a lot was difficult as neither of us had a lot of money. There were a few times when we would be talking on the phone and the conversation would migrate towards how horny we were. For us, the phone sex conversation was often about reminiscing over the last time we were together, how good it was to have sex, etc. Never really any kind of role play, just an urgent need to get off.

A couple other times, when he was on the road for work, we would get each other to describe the feelings and sensations as we mutually masturbated. Good relief, as I’m sure both of us would have gone to bed and done the same thing anyway.

Other Guys

And back a few years, at the start of this sexual adventure, I used to spend some of my evenings, when hubby was at work, chatting online. I explored a lot of webcamming and voyeurism. I would chat with guys, flirt madly, tease, flash my tits, occasionally let them watch me pleasure myself and vice versa. Of course, the guys always seemed so willing to let me watch.

The whole thing was very sexually charged, not necessarily cyber sex – because I’m not really that great at typing while having sex either – but lots of conversation about sex. It was different from what I was doing on my website. Many times I would find myself incredibly horny as I opened up my thoughts and fantasies to these guys … and truthfully, I enjoyed the sexual attention and reactions. Sometimes I would sign-off and go and play with my toys, other times – when I was feeling braver and hornier – I would just let them watch (and hope not to get caught!)

As I explored that a bit more, I got to know a couple different guys, became friends … and so the intrigue got the better of me. After you play on camera for a while, you begin to wonder what the next level of fun might be … and so things progressed to dirty talk on webcam and eventually, just for thrill, phone sex.

I’ve thought of phone sex as one of those things that is difficult because I never know what to say to someone that isn’t my husband – and it’s obvious what the intention of the call is about. I’ve tried to see myself as someone that has a bit more to say than “oh yeah” and “that’s right baby.”

And according to a Cosmo survey, 85 per cent of you guys want us to make that carnal call. With that in mind – and my mind does wander into some kinky territory every now and then – I came up with a few tips on how to give good phone.

Aural Sex

1. Describe what you like.

Instead of a conversation built around “oh baby,” describe to your phone lover exactly how you like something played with. It’s not about what is happening, it’s about painting the picture in my imagination of what could happen if we weren’t holding onto the handset. For me, I would tell you that if you want to make me cum with those long fingers of yours, you need to massage this little spot just to the right side of my clit … gently at first, picking up speed. Slide your fingers into me and rub along the area on the front just inside me (you’ll know where) to get me and your fingers all slippery and then back to the spot I just told you about. Use all the senses, feel, taste, hearing me moan, etc. But if use smell, you better be talking about perfume or it may be a short call … just sayin’ …

2. Tell them what you want to do to them – based on what you just learned

I want you to describe how it feels to slide your fingers into me – in great detail. I want to imagine that this is something that we do all the time when we are together. I want to hear the lust and desire in your voice as you take along the path, step by delicious step. The key is detail, and lots of it. Just like the real thing, I don’t want a guy who is going to rush right through it.

3. Don’t forget the foreplay

Just like real sex, make sure there’s enough of the foreplay to get the imagination going. This is a great time to cover off all those naughty thoughts about French kissing, pressing me hard against the wall and holding my hands above my head while you slide you hand up under the hem of my skirt and pull aside my panties … I want to hear about that assertive side of you, I want to hear how much you wnt me … oh, and I’m always wearing panties for phone sex; because I like to hear you describe in great detail how you intend to get them off me.

4. Don’t leave them hanging.

Guaranteed someone is going to reach orgasm. Hell, I damn near did just coming up with this stuff! But we all can relate to that moment, just shortly after a great orgasm where we are totally into our own feelings. We need to keep the connection for phone sex, so it’s a good idea to take that moment of nirvana and help your partner reach theirs. Keep the imagination going wild by sharing exactly how it felt, how intense it was, fuel the fantasy as they get closer and closer.

5. Don’t call me in the morning!

Well, as you know, if you have been a loyal reader, I am a morning sex girl. If you call, I probably won’t answer the phone … because I better be getting it for real! 

Andee     xoxo

Dirty Talk | Singin’ Like A Canary

Why is that short weeks always feel the longest? Anyway, I’m thrilled to bits because I’m heading for vacation this week … and I need some sunshine and the beach … and more than a few drinks with umbrellas and lots of booze!

I think for my friends south of the border it has been a long weekend … ? Hope y’all had a great one. If you find the time on your hands – or something in your hands – make sure you stop by for visit! I have a sexy new update on my website to keep you amused, and will be back on next Sunday with another Sexy Sunday entry. Who knows, my vacation might produce something really awesome to write about 😉

Last Wednesday, while I was having quite a bit of fun on Twitter with all of you, I mentioned the idea of talking dirty during some of those more intimate moments, and one of you wanted to know what was the best kind of trouble I got into while talking naughty. I have to admit, that’s is the way I learned to truly appreciate anal sex and toy play at the same time.

Anal isn’t something I give up too often – much to my hubby’s frustration (sorry Honey!). But one night we were having a really good session after playing on the computer for a bit. I was on my hands and knees, thoroughly enjoying the moment … and we started talking about double penetration. My hubby was was teasing me with his fingers from behind and getting me very into the whole fantasy of having two beautifully hard men taking me.

After tormenting me this way for a few minutes and making me confess that I would love to have two guys in me at the same time, he grabbed one of my toys and some lube and began to tease me again. With my butt sticking up in the air, he lubed up and slid into my behind, and told me to tell him how much I would like to be taken by two guys. I started rubbing my vibrator in the good spots, and then pushed it into me.

I can’t describe just how incredible it felt … but let me tell you … my fantasy was solidified at that point. I definitely knew that was one of the best ways to explore a little bit of “trouble.”

To this day, my hubby will still get me to that point in sex, and then make me tell him some of my naughtiest thoughts.

Hope that brightens your afternoon! I’m off home to play now 😉

Andee     xoxo

Honesty | Will The Kids Ever Learn

I was looking through some old files on the computer and I found this one from my old blog – which at that time was a bit of a challenge for me. My old friend “maggies” still pops into my life every now and then, and I thought this was one of the better challenges he issued to me back in the day.

The question was if I was open enough to tell my children about my “extra-curricular” hobby. I have to say, that my kids do not know what my hubby and I do when they’re in bed. Not so much because we try to hide it, but more so because they’re really too young to understand the true aspect of it all; and by that I mean the many layers of motivation and psychology, not just the nudity.

I’m a very strong advocate for teaching children healthy ideals about sexuality and relationships. Even in our own immediate family experiences, we have seen some rather nasty divorces, and the children are the ones who are suffered through it. They’ll likely have a very bad outlook on marriage and dating for the rest of the lives because of the way the saw their mom and dad treating each other.

Personally, I grew up in a very conservative home, as did my hubby. Sex wasn’t a regular topic. It isn’t in our house, but we don’t hide from it either. When my children ask a question we answer it honestly … well, I do anyway. My husband either sits there intently, waiting to learn the answer or he sings the theme from the Flintstones.

But my wish for my kids is that they will grow up seeing that Mom and Dad have a healthy loving relationship that includes affection and the ability to work out disagreements without yelling and throwing things.

One of the main reasons why, at this young age of my kids, that I don’t tell them about what we do, isn’t so much for hiding it from them – I just don’t want them standing at the bus stop telling the other kids “My Mommy gets naked while Daddy takes pictures.” A little innocence is a necessity of childhood!

Will I tell my kids? I know I want my kids to have a healthy understanding of a relationship between two consenting adults. I also want them to have a good dose of respect for others, and not to be judgmental of people based on what they chose to do in private. Perhaps when they are old enough to grasp the idea of privacy and respect for what people chose to do, then it may be a topic. But who knows…

When we decided to move beyond the thrill of taking naughty pictures for ourselves, and posting them on a couple “amateur voyeur” sites, I made the decision to tell my parents and members of my family. I didn’t want them to find out from someone and be left trying to stick up for me without knowing the whole story. I didn’t do it looking for permission, or approval. I just did because I didn’t want them to be surprised. I’m glad I did, because a very nosy cousin (actually two very nosy cousins) decided to shock my parents with their discovery. The shock was on them when they learned my parents already knew.

They continue to try to cause trouble for me and my sister, but we look on at their jealousy – jealousy from a couple people who lead such pathetic lives that they need to tear down others in order to make themselves look better – and ponder with amusement how small their own lives must be. I feel sad for them, more than anger, because they must lead really horrible, empty lives and have horrible, loveless marriages to be so focused on what I chose to do with my husband in my own relationship … oh, and they’re probably reading this too, because even after all these years, they just can’t move on …

So, will I tell my children about the Internet? I probably will when they’re old enough to understand, because I’m pretty sure if I don’t someone else will. Unless, of course, I get that photo shoot with Hef! Then everyone will know 😉

Andee    xoxo

Relationships | Mistakes Men Make

Fortunately the missing kitty turned up. A little muddy and spooked, but no harm done … thankfully, given how heart-broken my youngest was. This is really “his” cat; you know how they say a pet attaches itself to one particular member of the family more than others … well, this is the case here.

So, as my followers on Twitter found out today, it was good day to shake off all that sadness and jump right into some naughty fun again. Not so much about the kid of fun we started a couple weeks ago, but my emotional stability is in question when we keep getting so close to going over the edge of my comfort zone. I went back through some of the notes and comments that you guys have sent and shared with me. With so much talk about relationships breaking down among some pretty famous couples, I thought it might be something intriguing for us normal folk to dig into.

What’s the most important thing that men don’t understand about women that they should?

The toilet seat must ALWAYS be put back down!

OK, so this is a bit of a tough one, but get your boots on because I’m going to go deep to answer this. Drawing on my own experience, the one most important thing that I can think of is that men should always be considerate of their significant other. Making a woman feel that she is the most important person in your life is a key to a really solid relationship. I have never felt that I came second in my marriage, nor have I felt that I have ever needed to babysit or keep an eye on my husband, fearful that he might “stray.”

It might help that we tend to have a much more open and intriguing lifestyle behind the closed doors of our bedroom, but you don’t have to install hidden sex swing hooks or have a sex toy safe just to build a solid relationship.

Plus, as you have seen of late … we tend to really look at ways to keep the excitement in our relationship. I guess, anyway … some of these crazy concepts leave me wondering, but there’s never a dull day! That said, what these games do – beside create some very sexually-charged moments – is, under the surface, focus on the strength of the trust we share in our marriage. That is partnered with a willingness to be open-minded about the other person, and recognize that we each have our own passions, desires and fantasies.

A lot of men seem to think that women are solely motivated by the material things in life, and that we can be easily bought with gifts in the event of trouble. OK, while that helps, it does little to secure that lasting trust that is necessary in a couple’s life together. I know too many couples where the guy gets to do his own thing all the time and thinks that she should just deal with it, or he tries to buy his way out of the doghouse. I also get offended by women that fall for it.

The answer seems to be just far too obvious: consideration.

Size Her Up

And another mistake that you guys make is assuming we will slip on those sexy knickers anytime you are in the mood.

Here’s a little perspective: as you have seen over the past few months, my husband is almost crazy about showing me off. He gives me the chance to flirt with other people, have sexual ideas, even sees the lust and excitement in how other guys I have never met in person send me lingerie to wear. Sure, he gets the benefits, and I’m ok in saying that without his kinky outlook a lot of this would never happen.

But then when it all goes right, and I know in my heart there is trust between us – my goodness, what a turn on to be able to be myself, to flirt and carry on without having to hide things in fear of his reactions.

And while I can’t say your relationship can follow the same path, here’s a hint – if you are going to buy your significant other clothes to show her off, or get her to dress up, or slip on some sexy red teddy just for you, take the time to go through her drawers and closet to find out what size she wears. Don’t guess! It’s insulting to get clothing that is way too big; and if it’s way too small, we think you really don’t understand us and our issues with our bodies.

We are impressed to think that you pay that close attention to our bodies when you get us something that really fits nicely. My husband knows my sizes way better than I do. I can’t remember the last time I went shopping for clothes (other than the scrubs that I have to wear on an almost daily basis) without some very specific instructions. My idea of sexy might be something completely different than his, so I say if you want me to look and dress that way – you get to do the shopping! Fortunately, he loves fashion and style … and knows that despite the games and innuendo, I still have a job to do responsibly.

My husband says some guys need to get over their attitude about going into women’s stores: they’re full of women (OK, he says hot sales clerks), all picking out dainty little thongs and stuff. And any time the guys on his beer league hockey start in about their wives, he says he just sits there quietly smiling to himself … remembering that miniskirt he made me wear to work or something like it.

Yeah, I won’t complain …

But seriously guys …what happened to all the fun sex questions? This one made my brain hurt.

Andee     xoxo

Some Days It’s OK To Be Average

I was thinking about this over the weekend, and I’m not sure why. There’s nothing really attached to it, other than some random thoughts. But I was thinking why just being average most days is OK.

Perhaps on the surface, some of it came about as my husband and I have been struggling emotionally with the trials and tribulations of our oldest child. As he enters puberty, it is becoming more difficult for him to fit in socially; mostly because he is very much an individual. And as a parent it breaks your heart to see these struggles, when you can’t fix it.

The pressures he faces already are daunting – and yet our son (grain of salt here, I am his Mom) is very much a normal boy. He loves sports, his guitar and has a very big heart – but it gets broken constantly as he tries to fit in among all the Justin Beiber wannabes. His downfall is that he wants to have his own style, not model his “uniform” after these fleeting pop stars … and he suffers for it in terms of peer pressure.

© Copyright 2010 Nick Galifianakis

Even at 12, image is everything …

As I was writing my thoughts about the whole miniskirt thing, I started to contemplate about our standard of perfection and our constant pursuit of it. Are we as adults any different from that schoolyard? Our whole culture today is built on the idea of being above someone, something, somewhere. We have a large media influence that dictates what we should wear, how we should save, what we should eat … mostly built around our unhealthy obsession with living our lives like celebrities.

What’s funny, is when I talked about this with my husband, he said that society in general forgets that these people the media holds up as examples are actors … professional cameleons. Off screen they’re flaky as a pie crust, yet we see them as the beacons of who we want to be when we should really be paying attention to those who go out and do great things in our communities and the world around us.

When I mentioned the miniskirt survey to a friend who has also been known to wear one on occasion, she scoffed just like I did, so I know I am not alone in my thinking. And for the record, both of us are a touch beyond the best before date set down by the respondents.

Fashion is not built on what we should wear, but whether or not we have the confidence to pull off the daring when necessary – and the uber-casual when necessary. As a culture, we have fallen into the idea that we must be on our game every waking hour … and many of us get trapped in the cycle of keeping up with the Jones.

I’m sure many of you see it in your lives too: the friends or family that live in a constant state of debt because they had to have the 54-inch TV, because Bill next door got a 52-inch. Frank and Sally vacationed at a 3-star resort in Cuba, so Mike and Anne have to stay at a 5-star.

And on it goes until all the credit cards are maxed out …

Over the past few months, as I have gotten better at writing and sharing my thoughts, I also realize that so much of it is extremely narcissistic. Here I am, droning on about me, me, me … but I am also very rooted in my own world, understanding that this whole thing is designed just that way. I don’t think that any of it has been to express anything greater than the fact that I am just a very normal, everyday kind of person.

Obviously the content is designed to intrigue, entice and sometimes excite. I doubt very much that you guys would enjoy hearing about the mundane moments that occur in my life (more often than all the sexy stuff). And my blog and website create part of the fantasy for you – and me – in which I can explore some of my deepest, darkest, wildest dreams. I suppose it is my way of subconsciously breaking that ideal of perfection – because of the naughty nature.

In pursuit of all my sexual adventures and crazy games that I find myself in, I still firmly hold to the belief that it’s OK to be “the girl next door.” It’s OK to be the housewife with Harlequin Romance-type fantasies that never come true; it’s OK to have curiosities about other women, other partners, many partners and daydream on the commuter train.

And you know what? It’s OK to be average.

Andee     xoxo