One Fantasy One Time Only

I find it hard to explain when I get asked if I would do something again; especially if that request is a sexual one.

There are experiences that are simply one-off moments in my sexual adventure. Some experiences “happen” without a lot of planning, while others have been discussed, analyzed, over-thought and over-questioned for months. And some were never intended to be anything more than “let’s try it, just once” and then moving on to the next thing.

Is this a bitter blog entry? I hope not, but I do hope that you will get a sense of why my sex life isn’t always this wild, swinging from the chandelier lifestyle.

Although the Internet – and my pseudo life as Andee – has given many wonderful avenues and opportunities to explore, behind all that is the real woman. A real woman who isn’t as confident as the Internet allows her to be, and has a habit of feeling really, REALLY, nervous when sexual opportunities come her way. It’s easy to be bold online; it’s not so easy to be as bold when you’re sitting on your bed in black lingerie, stockings and high heels while a man who isn’t your husband strokes his cock to incredible hardness while talking dirty about what he wants to do to you.

Ah yes, just like a recent video and photo session that took place that has been an idea for many, many years. It was also an experience that so many men had been begging me to try for years – almost as many years as I have been sharing myself online with you.

It was just not an experience I ever thought would actually happen … nor was I fully prepared to hear the kind of things from a man standing right in front of me about what he was about to do to me … while my body was going “fuck yes!” and my mind going “my hubby will save me from this, surely he can’t think this is a good thing.”

Still, even as we carefully planned and staged the experience, ensured the safety (and privacy where necessary) of everyone involved, it was an experience that I felt absolutely terrified over. But don’t get me wrong, it was also something I had had a very deep, burning, pussy soaking desire to try – if not just for those who were longing to see me do it, but also for myself. Good lord, I was desperate to try…

In the end, I was left unbelievably rocked in the greatest sense possible.

In fact, the Internet gave me the ‘rationale’ and almost the excuse. Thankfully, my friend is an amazing – inexplicably amazing – man who invested as much care and concern into my husband as he did with me. That’s a real rarity.

It’s not easy to find a ‘playmate’ who recognizes that an encounter is nothing more than a singular event. The Internet would have us believe that it’s as common as a blink where you can find a sex partner, have a wild, intimate fuck and then move on to the next idea. It will never capture the emotion, the human connection, the many (many) conversations and talking out the scenario.

Trust me, no 48-year old married woman is just hooking up with a boyfriend – especially one that may cross traditional barriers – like a snap of the fingers. It just doesn’t work like that, even if the Internet says it does.

In my case, this whole experience has taken a few years to come to fruition. I met my friend through school (less so than extra-marital sex, but still a terrifying experience for a 40-something woman), and together, we NEVER anticipated such an encounter. I bravely broached the subject of such an encounter when I was living overseas and we were simply engaged in very platonic online chatting. Slowly, over the span of a few months, I shared more and more about my life as Andee. He was genuinely intrigued – and surprisingly encouraging without ever offering a hint of sexual interest.

Four months ago, like so many throughout the pandemic, his personal life took a left turn. We began chatting more intimately about life and living. A small part of me – I think fueled by a couple gin and tonics – decided on night to see where the line was. I asked him if he ever considered the idea of me beyond the bounds of a married friend who would occasionally have a naughty chat. We began to talk about my website, real sex, adventure and experience. I’m not sure where it became more personal over philosophical, but it did. We shared openly about our own sexual past, desires and fantasies.

With him knowing about my life online, I told him how some of my fans had a desire to see me with a man other than my husband; bluntly, a black man…the cuckold fantasy. I have lived my life trying to be as “colour blind” as possible – I couldn’t care less about a man’s background, as long as he’s sincere, kind, loving, trustworthy and emotionally generous. I don’t even remember who said it first, but it got said … and neither of us shied away from the idea.

And that set it in motion.

This is a story with so much I could say, but I’m not sure it would take you anywhere different.

The conclusion to it all wouldn’t change. My friend is a dear love – a very platonic, dear love, who I share a very unique friendship with. Even without the sex. It’s bigger than a moment we created together to allow me a wonderful gift.

But I also know you want something as well, my dear readers. So …

Yes, he fucked me. Our platonic agreement set aside for a night; exchanged for a massive, breath-taking erection and a married woman wearing stockings trying to calmly rip open a condom wrapper. There’s a video and photos. Ask me if you don’t know where to see them.

More so, I think you want to know more about my outlook on the experience.

I can’t tell you how terrified I was. I must have asked my husband close to 1,000 times if this was right, if it would change things, was I doing what was right, what they hell I was thinking … all those scared shitless questions. Every single time, he assured me that everything would be perfect no matter what happened…that there would be no regrets, no “what ifs” when that final moment came.

I also can’t tell you how unbelievable it felt. It may take some time before my pussy recovers from the sensations and experience.

What I can tell you is that what happened once … will remain “what happened once.” Through all the times my husband and I explored swinging and testing the boundaries of our sexuality, I never had another man penetrate me so deeply, bring me such incredible pleasure. We played, we explored, we fantasized … we never reached this point.

But this wasn’t that. This experience was a gift from my husband and my friend for something that is outside the reality of who I really am, and where I want to be going forward. It will never replace what I have with a man who has loved me for over 30 years and shown me the greatest experiences a woman could imagine.

And for reasons that never come to reality on the Internet, it will only be a one-time experience. My friend and I … will indulge ourselves with friendship rather than sex.

But … damn … did I get fucked!

Andee     xoxo

Sex In My 40s – What Boundaries

With my recent post about sexual boundaries,  I was asked to share what mine are and why.

There are some really easy moral ones that I hope the vast majority of us have – legal / consent / species. Pretty straightforward – it has to be legal (including age), it has to be consensual and can not involve any living (or dead) non-human beings.

Clear lines there, no room for debate. Let’s set that aside as the foundation here.

Probably the biggest boundary beyond those would be pain. I’m not excited by pain, nor am I into inflicting it for sexual purposes. I don’t mind a bit of rough play, a little edge – heck,  even that tiny early pain involved in anal – but definitely nothing that leaves a mark or draws blood.

In terms of BDSM, I’m like a lot of others – after 50 Shades of Grey, I was intrigued. I dabbled and certainly don’t mind a little soft bondage. To me that can be very exciting – but it has to be consensual and respectful.

I’m not into degradation. I’ve said it before, my role-playing is generally reserved for the very common photo illustrations of schoolgirl, French maid, sexy secretary, etc. But I’m also very honest about my poor acting skills. You won’t find me insulting my sex partner, or being subjected to that kind of degradation. Calling me certain names (slut, cunt, bitch) are real mood killers.

I’m not into ‘water sports’ or other body fluids/excrement outside of cum. Some body functions are best reserved for the privacy of the toilet.

Infidelity, hook ups, dating/sex outside of marriage are also out. If you’re a loyal reader of my blog, you’ll know I have been on this journey with the love, support and encouragement of my husband. That includes dabbling in the swinging lifestyle and exploring a sexual opportunity with a dear friend and coworker. My husband has been there for it all. I’m not in this to meet anyone, for random sex or to replace what I have. I’m the luckiest girl on the planet already.

There are things that are often negotiable, depending on the moment, my level of desire/horniness and the nature of the request. Anal, for example … and facials.

Overall, the boundaries I have are more about my comfort and desire. Although I’ve been a little off tack in this journey, it is still very much a journey of discovery and challenges the limitations of my imagination. It’s about living my best life – including having the best sex.

Andee     xoxo

Where’s his wife?

It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.

Do you ever see someone – a perfect stranger – and wonder what they would be like as a lover, as a partner … as a one-night stand?

There’s this guy I see most mornings on my drive into work. He stands at the end of his driveway with his young kids waiting with them for their school bus. As much as I can tell as I drive by, he’s a handsome man – and obviously a pretty good father. He dresses somewhat casually, and appears to be fairly fit.

But you know, sometimes my mind takes these little turns and thoughts pop into my head that aren’t exactly vanilla. Here’s this guy, who I know absolutely nothing about as a person, other than in the mornings he is out in all kinds of weather with his kids, waiting. So my mind wanders; what does he do after the bus leaves? Does he work at home? Where’s the kids’ mom? Is she inside all dressed up in naughty lingerie waiting for a morning session of sweaty sex?

Or, maybe, he’s alone. Maybe he wishes there was someone waiting back in the bedroom, dressed in naughty lingerie. Maybe his wife is so wrapped up in her own career now that she’s basically left him to be Mr. Mom.

What would happen if I just pulled into the driveway one day as the school bus passed me?

It’s funny, sometimes, how your mind wanders into certain places.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | The Hookup

Hookups — brief uncommitted sexual encounters between individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other.

“Hookups have emerged from more general social shifts taking place during the last century. Hookups began to become more frequent in the 1920s, with the upsurge of automobiles and novel entertainment, such as movie theaters. Instead of courting at home under a parent’s watchful eye, young adults left the home and were able to explore their sexuality more freely.

By the 1960s, young adults became even more sexually liberated, with the rise of feminism, widespread availability of birth control and growth of sex-integrated college party events. Today, sexual behavior outside of traditional committed romantic pair-bonds has become increasingly typical and socially acceptable (Bogle, 2007, 2008).” — Source

This is, quite easily, one of the more difficult TMI Tuesdays for me. Having been in a committed relationship now for almost 25 years, there isn’t a vast amount of “hook-up” dishing to be had. However, the idea captivates my attention because of the very nature of it – the pure sexual freedom and no emotional attachment. There’s a lot of potential in that.

There is a great debate somewhere in all of this – people of my generation and older may see these encounters as the old “one-night stand.” Whereas, as mentioned above, today’s youth may very well see these “sex for sex sake” encounters as normal behaviour.

1. When was your last hook-up?

So, here is where we will begin with my own twist on the concept. I can’t say that my encounter is a hook-up in the truest of senses, mainly because it was carefully planned, my husband was present for the entire encounter … and the only outcome was the exchange of oral sex.

But that wonderful encounter took place in March 2012

2. Briefly describe the hook-up?

I had invested about three years of really committed flirting and teasing of the guy before making the leap. It’s described in great detail in another blog entry.

3. How did you feel physically and emotionally after your last hook-up?

Physically, it was an incredible moment in my adult life. The orgasm I experienced left me weak in the knees for hours. Emotionally was more of a challenge. There was no guilt on my behalf, I had the unbelievable support and encouragement from my husband to go ahead with the encounter, so my conscience was clear. But in the days after, I still felt confused. I had an intense desire (and still do) to take the next step and push the sexual envelope a bit more, but I also had to accept that the freedom I enjoyed was not shared for my partner. For him it was very much an “affair” and he had to make some tough decisions based on reality as opposed to sexual fantasy.

4. Are you still acquainted with the person from your hook-up?

We are still friends, although I don’t hear from him as much as I would like. We no longer work together and have since taken different paths in life.

5. How often do you engage in hook-ups?

This was the one and only time … so far.

6. What do you like most about engaging in hook-ups?

Well, outside of the previously stated lack of experience, I like the idea of being able to sexually explore without an emotional commitment. There’s something to be said for the sense of freedom.

Bonus: Are you married and having hook-ups?

Um … see above. But yes, I am married – happily, lovingly married.

Andee     xoxo

Great sex … or just pretty good

The great thing about catching on to a subject like sexual freedom is that the conversation can literally go on and on. And with the idea of sharing intriguing perspectives from both sides of the debate, often the level of intellectual deliciousness heats up. Is it voyeurism? Cuckolding? Just ol’ fashioned swinging?

Such is the case with my most recent blogs about men watching their wives having sex with other men, and the like. From that comes the counter perspective, as challenged by someone who I chat with every now and then on Twitter:

Can you have a great, long-lasting sex life with the same partner?

I can only answer this from a personal – and feminine – perspective: absolutely.

For women, or at least me, the idea of great sex isn’t founded on the equipment a man brings to the bedroom – his looks, the size of his penis, his paycheque. What matters most is the connection between us, the bond and how you capture my imagination and my soul more than how deeply you tickle my vagina.

Good sex – hot, steamy, toe-curling, mattress-grabbing sex – can be founded on the vanity of what a man has to offer physically and the marvels of what he can do between my legs. For some, I’m sure that is the definition of great sex. But after the two minute mark has passed and he’s pretty much done and snoring on his side of the bed, there remains the hollow feeling; the feeling of something missing.

What takes things to the next level to great sex is what happens between my ears. It’s the essential “mind fuck” that I want as much as the physical fuck. I need to feel a connection with my lover to make it happen; an emotional connection that burns deeply. And despite what many may think about my online life, that kind of connection only comes from a committed, long-term relationship.

Now, to throw a real twist into all of this …

Great sex also requires a feeling of sexual freedom. Even in marriage, there are times when you fear judgement for your sexual thoughts. That is just natural in any intimate relationship. And if those fears hold you back sexually … well, it takes time to let go of them and grow into being more open and understanding. A healthy long-term relationship will allow that time to pass, and foster sexual and emotional growth of each partner.

Sexual freedom allows your mind and body to surrender to the moment, without any hesitation or guilt because you have invested in that personal growth within the relationship. It removes those psychological barriers – most of which are the cause of bad sex. A study I read not long ago hit on some of the issues surrounding those barriers in non-monogamous relationships – men struggled with erection issues, while women struggled with lubrication issues during those moments of infidelity.

So, for all the stockings, lingerie and secretive rendezvous at sketchy motels – research suggests great sex was not on the room service card.

Sexual freedom + deep emotional connection = great sex. At least for me, and I’m not convinced that’s something you can find with a one-night stand. But I am convinced it’s something you can have for life with the right partner.

Andee     xoxo