Monthly Archives: January 2012
Once again, I had these brilliant ideas as to what I was going to write. Given how the past week was for me, I had a lot of material I could share …
Then I saw this article online about “how old is too old to wear a miniskirt.” I had to stop and immediately change direction – especially since I am the one who brings you Miniskirt Mondays every week. As you can see in a number of my postings to start the week, I have no issue in slipping on something that will enhance the look of my legs, boost my ego and generally serve its purpose as an office distraction.
As I mentioned in a tweet last Saturday, I was reading this article on how flirting at work can actually lead to poorer performance.
Now, I have always joked about playing the role of Office Distraction, but this particular study from the University of Nebraska kind of ticked me off; mostly because the focus tended to be on women and how their performance dropped. It suggested – or perhaps just the manner in which it was reported – that women tended to show lower levels of productivity and made more workplace mistakes when the element of flirtation was introduced to the environment.
Obviously, I disagree; but like most statistics, they can be manipulated to support the point trying to be made.
Flirtation is a fine art, and to be successful takes two willing participants. Otherwise, it just becomes a bit weird and creepy. It’s not just about women … and, truth be told, it can make a work environment a much more tolerable situation when handled properly.
And flirting has a lot of psychology behind it, and some of it women need to be aware of. Counter to the UofN study, there is another suggestion that women should not be overly flattered by office flirtation. A University of Surrey (England) study revealed that women who flirt are happy with their professional and personal lives, while men who flirted at work tended to be less satisfied in their lives.
Chadi Moussa, a business psychologist said: “Previous research has shown that people flirt for various reasons, which include increasing their self-esteem, fun and romance.
“If men are feeling unsatisfied in their roles, then they may resort to flirting to keep them entertained and this would partially explain the negative relationship. While flirting can have benefits, excessive flirting at work may be a sign that you’re unsatisfied with your job or simply bored.”
In another bit of research into office flirtation, Heidi Reeder says: “It’s an esteem booster for both men and women to have a little flirtation in their day – it makes them feel a little better, gives them a little more energy.”
Reeder, associate professor of communication at Boise State University in Idaho, says liking your coworkers also enhances the work experience – as opposed to those sentiments of “Ugh, I can’t stand these people.”
Flirting is not always designed to land someone in bed … although, unfortunately, its reputation tends to suggest that in office environments, it is the precursor to affairs or romantic hook-ups.
In my personal case, flirting with my Office Guys tends to be much more of a bright spot in the day. Dealing with incompetent coworkers, malicious gossipers and the stress level associated with working in the Canadian health care sector is more than enough motivation for me to seek out ways to engage a completely different part of my mind.
Well, that and stroke the ego a little too. Let’s be honest, at 37-years old, married for 18 and not exactly as stunningly fit as I would like, an ego boost gained by flirting at work and the occasional lustful stare when I dress up is a delight. I might push the envelope every now and then, but don’t think I cross the line. I guess I like to think of flirting as a vitamin for the libido.
The more important point is understanding the motivation and that flirting is not an invitation to a quickie in the supply closet. The latter seems to be the hardest part for some to overcome.
But back to the point of boredom; like flirting, it is a complicated state of mind – and equally dangerous if dealt with in a not-so-rational mentality.
Boredom in a marriage can’t be dealt with through flirtation. It needs to be addressed through communication and a heightened level of intimacy. Not just of the sexual kind, but also of the intellectual kind.
Boredom … comes on Wednesday!
I was having this thought the other day, shortly after a rather delightfully raucous session with my hubby and one of my favourite toys – are women more predisposed to threesomes than men? When you really begin to think about it, we have the necessary physical design to entertain in that fashion.
Of course, I expect a lot of guys to immediately reject the idea, based primarily on their belief that a threesome strictly involves one man and two lithe members of the Swedish bikini volleyball team.
And men – when push comes to shove – tend to be more wary of performance anxiety when another man is present and adhere to the idea that they should be the sole sexual object when it comes to additional partners in the moment.
I haven’t made it much of a secret about my own desires – Lord knows, I’ve blogged and tweeted about them almost incessantly – but those aside, as I was watching the video replay (yes, there is video!) of this past week’s moment I couldn’t help think that it seemed so much more natural that way.
And it seems that there may be some scientific evidence to support my assumption.
Not that long ago I was reading about a study that showed how men, as a species, are driven to a higher level of genetic competition during the mating process when they are consciously aware of another male. Some of this relates to a scientific position known as (cue the geek theme) Bateman’s Principle. It was in this theory where researcher Angus Bateman connected a position of female reproduction capability to the male ability to impregnate endlessly. His theory – while far from perfect – suggests that a woman can only have so many offspring, whereas a male can, ultimately, produce infinite. Bateman’s Principle implies that females are choosy because there is little advantage for her to mate with multiple males. It boils down to the level of female promiscuity and mate selection on her end … meaning men must compete to mate with that female.
Yeah, you can look it all up before I get too comfy in my librarian glasses and lab coat.
Now, setting aside the human sexual evolution, what this means for someone like me is how those natural instincts translate into more satisfying sex. When the man is aware of the competition, his performance improves.
Women, without having to revisit Grade 9 health class, have the necessary bits to sexually accommodate more than one partner at a time – given you accept oral sex as being a means of sexual accommodation. That said, I have yet to have a man complain about me giving him a blow job; so I make this assumption partly founded on personal research.
Either way, it still sounds like a winning proposition from my end.
But I remain curious, and not just from my sexual point of view, over the concept of a threesome. The dynamics and emotional investment are somewhat frightening and exciting at the same time – like riding an amusement park roller coaster, except without clothes.
It seems that my post on Monday about places to have sex produced some intriguing debate. The list, admittedly, was not something that I developed and so there are a number of places that I can think of that did not make the list.
I admit, some of the responses I have gotten are certainly intriguing.
My blogger friend H commented about how he liked the ideas of the office desk, library, hood of a car, in the ocean and doing it on the train tracks … and threw in his own naughty suggestion of in my panties. Not sure if he meant getting into mine, or he wanted to borrow a pair! 😉
Lately, I have had a really big fantasy going on for the film noir type of office hook-up. You know, the long trench coat, high heels and stockings kind of thing … closing the office door and revealing that I have absolutely nothing on except those things.
Have I told how important a healthy imagination can be when it comes to sex?
The one that really got my attention was from one of my friends, who told me about the time she and a boyfriend did it in the ditch that separates the two sides of a major highway not far from where she lives. I can only imagine the sheer thrill of lying in the tall grass, naked, getting it on as cars fly by on either side. Very erotic in an exhibitionist kind of way.
Her advice included parking a good distance from the chosen spot, so that you are not interrupted by a tow truck or police. She didn’t mention if that advice came from experience …
Personally, I have always looked at “planned” sex – places where I want to get laid – as more destinational: the Eiffel Tower, the Great Barrier Reef … you get the idea. But with some of the suggestions that have come my way, I think I may create my own list. So, feel free to have you input in where I should get laid! Drop me a quick note by email, comment here or hit me up on Twitter.