TMI Tuesday | Revealing Sex Thoughts

Hey guys, it seems that my Valentine’s Day TMI blog went over quite well last week, so it’s making an encore appearance. I certainly enjoy having the inspiration that the questions provide … but struggle with the idea of just having one day a week assigned to sharing too much information!

For the most part, my sex life is an open book on here. My website and this blog have allowed me to share so much of what goes on in my head – and in my bed – that they have become a key part of my sexual adventure. So to narrow it down to just once a week seems almost too much of a tease. Of course, looking back on everything that has happened in the past few years is one of my favourite things to do when I’m curled into the corner of my couch. I hope you enjoy today’s thoughts – and feel free to send me any questions you would like me to dish on.

Once again, this week’s list of questions comes courtesy of http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/

List ONE word to describe your last sexual encounter.

Phantasmagorical

Can you recall your worst sexual experience? Why was it so awful? Did you do anything at the time to try to make it better?

I’m willing to bet that there are more than just a couple people like me that rank their first time as the worst. All that confusion over the awkwardness of not knowing what to expect, the raging sexual hormones and healthy dose of fear combined makes it hard to truly enjoy the event that will ultimately change who you are. So for me, I’m sure that a big part of what made it awful was that it was my first time. Sexual inexperience didn’t allow me to know what to do to make it better – and the guy I was with at the time didn’t exactly help either.

Without question, sex is the kind of experience that improves with practice. And I really love to practice. You become a lot more aware of your body, how to gauge certain physical reactions and use your talents to make it a mind-blowing, orgasmic experience for all parties involved.

Other than that, I do not recommend doggy style for a position in which to lose your virginity…

Do you fuck outside the box?

We all have a laundry list of things – features, demographic characteristics, etc. that we like and/prefer in a sexual partner. Do you ever deviate from that list? For example, would you ever fuck a guy much younger or older than you? Would you fuck a guy who’s a different race than you? Give your example.
I’m open to many different things from a sexual perspective, but so much of my sexual habits are still rooted in the standard that is my “box:” personality is the key, followed very closely by hygiene. I’ve never really defined my sex life by physical criteria – you know, only been with guys that have this hair colour, that body type, etc. But in hindsight, a great deal of my experience may seem somewhat patterned in the kind of men that have been in my life sexually.

Right now, I don’t really fuck outside of the box by many standards because of my marital status. My sex life mostly involves just my husband. We have dabbled with adding some intriguing situations, such as exploring my bisexual interests and a bit of fun with other couples, but those are not an every day thing.

On the other hand, I like to think that my sex life is also a bit outside the box, even though it involves only one partner. This whole adventure for me has opened our minds to new fantasies and experiences that might be considered somewhat outside the norm for many married couples.

But looking at some of the descriptors in the explanation of this TMI question, I can certainly say that I am open to many new experiences. I would have no issue sharing a sexual moment with a much older AND younger guy. Additionally, I also fit quite nicely into that somewhat stereotypical fantasy of a white housewife who would devour the opportunity with a substantial BBC.

All in all, life is too short for hang-ups … there’s no passenger seat, so enjoy as much as you can and don’t look back too often with that question “What if …”

Do you blend BDSM in to your relationship? If yes, just in the bedroom or in other areas of your life? Explain.

BDSM is one of those sexual areas that I have only touched on at this point. I’m not sure it is something that excites me a great deal; and certainly not to the extent of turning my basement into a sexual dungeon. My kitchen utensils tend to be just that – used in the kitchen for the purpose they were originally made.

Having said that, there are moments when the feeling of vulnerability can be erotic. I’m not the dominant type, although will certainly dress up in the role for a hot photo session. I tend to like the lighter side of the whole idea: the occasional being tied to the bedposts with my husband’s neckties while he teases and torments my body with his hands, tongue and the occasional sex toy. The sensation of being blindfolded during extended foreplay also gets me going; the hint of not knowing what may come next … but still in complete trust that nothing will cross the lines of my comfort zone.
When things edge towards pain and punishment, it stops being something that turns me on.

But I also recognize that it can be an exceptionally erotic lifestyle for those that enjoy it.

Does the thought of your partner having sex with another person turn you on? Would you want to watch the act? Would you like to join in?

Hmm … you would probably call “shenanigans” on me if I just said “yes” and left it at that.

I am very open to the idea of my husband having sex with another woman, and it is something I would love to watch. I thoroughly enjoyed watching him go down on my girlfriend and then tasting her on his lips when he kissed me immediately after. Unfortunately, the couple we enjoyed those moments with just weren’t the kind of people that really stroked our libido enough to go further than mutual oral pleasure.

And I haven’t kept it much of a secret that both he and I share some very naughty thoughts about me experiencing sex with another man – and another woman again. However, those ideas are still very much in the “development” stage right now. I’m sure many people might find those thoughts kind of kinky, and others might find them something not quite right in a marriage. But to actually sit back and watch your partner in that exceptionally intimate act is a real turn on for us. I guess that’s a small part of why we got into our website, and a real motivator in doing the videos.

As for joining in … I think that is pretty much a given. The only question is at what point in the act should I join in!

Bonus: Fill in the blanks.

I like it HOT on the outside and CREAMY in the middle. 

Andee     xoxo

Overcoming Inhibitions

The other day I was having a quiet conversation with a friend who was looking for a little advice on how to let go of some inhibitions they had. It really wasn’t anything to do with the same kind of inhibitions in my own life, but the thoughts behind it are pretty much the same.

Of course, there are many levels of inhibitions and reasons for them. Some are routed very deeply in our self-esteem, while others are strongly implied by the community and society we live in.

Letting go of our inhibitions becomes more of a challenge as we settle into adult life. If you notice, children have very little fear of trying new things – from music lessons to sports to meeting new children. Most kids just push ahead and experience what life has to bring. They’ll say hello to a new kid in the class, join in a game on the playground, or stand up in a school play and sing. Where they tend to get scared is when those experiences are separated by an adult – hence the “do not talk to strangers” reality kids live in today.

In a nutshell, kids don’t really seem to be too fixated on what other people think … which is where adults fall down. As we get older, our psyche becomes wired to understand that there can be consequences to our actions. That becomes the bigger obstacle in overcoming our inhibitions.

Away from the fears that are necessary for survival, and those that prevent us from playing with electricity, we settle into our lives and for the most part exist within our comfort zones. Our social fears find a home in the back of our minds and we plug along in these notions that behaving this way and that way is “right.” The times we venture out from that personal sanctuary become fewer and far between.

But how do we step away from that comfort zone as adults? Inhibitions tend to be the blinders we put on ourselves, and not always defined as “big deals.”

This experience for me – the discovery of my sexual side – has not been without a lot of apprehension and self-doubt. From second guessing, to accepting that others will continually judge me, it has been a crazy and sometimes scary journey.

You guys get to see a side of me that is easily shared on a somewhat anonymous level. What you haven’t seen are the moments I stood, staring at myself in the mirror thinking there was no way I could wear this dress or that skirt. You’ve missed the mornings when I have actually given myself a pep talk when I walked into work dressed up a little more than usual, knowing that I was challenging my own comfort zone.

Because, despite the thoughts and adventures I share with you, I am still very much a shy, reserved, normal “girl-next-door.” We all have our level of vulnerability, but part of life is about how we expose that side of ourselves.

As a woman, one of the biggest pressures placed on me is that of the “good girl vs. bad girl” perception. The societal pressures and guilt often forced on us creates a lot of the inhibitions that we have: poor body image, shame over flirting, failure over not being Hollywood starlet thin … all messages that serve to prevent many of us from experiencing so much of life.

I guess I’m lucky that I found someone who has worked hard to make sure I have a healthy dose of “bad girl” in my personality.

In the past year or so, there have been a few experiences that have set my husband and I on a different path in our relationship. Scary doesn’t exactly cover the emotions at the best of times … but there seems to be a bigger fear in a lot of people’s lives: regret.

When was the last time you asked yourself what you really wanted out of life – not what someone else said you should have, but that one thing in your dreams that you always thought would come true? Have you let go of those ambitions? Have you let someone else become the one who has to give permission before you act?

If you can’t answer those questions honestly to yourself, then that may be where you need to start in overcoming your inhibitions.

It’s easy to suggest that we should just pursue what we want in life without hesitation, but life isn’t a dress rehearsal … nor it is a spectator sport; pardon my clichés. Some moments are meant to be grabbed, wrestled to the ground and celebrated in victory.

Whether yours are about a sexual adventure like mine, or beating seemingly insurmountable odds, inhibitions can’t define who we are…make the regret be “I wish I had done that … again.”

Andee     xoxo

Valentine’s | And A Little Tuesday TMI

I’ll be honest guys, I haven’t really been all that inspired to be sexy, play sexy or act sexy the past couple days. There’s been quite a nasty cold making the rounds in our house, and it has decided to take up residence in me for a while.

The reality behind Valentine’s Day is that not everyone buys into the romantic notion of what it means. For the most part, it has become a commercialized event designed to open your wallet more than your heart. And if you don’t deliver on the day, you know you are going to hear about it for many years to come. That’s a lot to dump on you guys.

Celebrating all that is supposed to be love can’t be confined to one day per year. And if that is how you define your romantic intentions, then you might have bigger issues.

Of course, the idea behind a healthy relationship is to have the romance going strong year round. For a lot of guys that seems to be a struggle. It’s like men are not allowed to be romantic in this day and age. Those that are, according to what I hear, are subjected to ridicule.

Fortunately I married someone who enjoys investing the effort into the other 364 days. And it pays in dividends for him in many assorted kinky experiences and positions.

And so, with today being a very special (or dreaded in some circles) day, I thought I should share something with you; even more so because I have been pretty consistent in sharing my thoughts on romance, passion and desire. I guess it would be not very Sexy Northern Angelish of me to jump over Valentine’s Day.

In the spirit of blogging, here is one of those TMI Tuesday sessions, with kudos for the questions going to http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com

1. Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot?

A very good question, but I already have the answer – and I am pretty certain he has already been hit by Cupid’s arrow: my husband. I’m lucky to have found someone that isn’t just a husband, but my best friend, my lover and my biggest fan. The other men that come in and out of my life along throughout this sexual adventure aren’t meant to take that place, but rather offer me some delightful, lustful experiences to enhance what I already have.

2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:

1- “Your patience will be rewarded.”  What would you like that reward to be?

As unromantic as this one is, my patience will be rewarded with me accomplishing a very important work-related goal. The pressure of having something so important and challenging looming over my head for the past three years has sometimes interfered with my romantic and sexual pursuits. It would be lovely to have this behind me, freeing my mind from worry and opening it up to focusing on the excitement and desires that remain contained.

2- “Try something new.”  What is the something new you want to try?

Without question, my “something new” is rooted in experiencing a true MFM threesome. As you have read in many of my blogs, tweets and on my website, this is a key Bucket List item for me.

3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.”  What would you like to give?

A dangerous proposition, to say the least. Keeping it something that you guys should expect to read from me on a day (and blog) like this: I would love to take a private moment to give a certain someone a mind-blowing – read between the lines – experience in his office. However, I also need to play by the rules set out by my husband, so we have to capture it on camera. A nice POV perhaps?

3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?

Despite what thoughts I share on here, the truth is I am a very traditional romantic. My special Valentine’s message would focus on the sincerity of what my Valentine and I share together in the life we have made, the deep feelings of love and appreciation we share, and how blessed I feel to have found someone that captures everything within my heart and soul.

4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s Day or is it just another day?

That remains to be seen. I suspect we will set up our Little Men for a nice dinner downstairs, while my husband and I enjoy something a little more candlelit and intimate. Nothing crazy, nothing over the moon. 

5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what?

My true Valentine already enjoys everything not chocolate in that sense…but there is someone who I think would really enjoy getting his hands and mouth on my breasts. So maybe, for now, chocolate ones might have to suffice. Well, unless he is the one who gets to mould the chocolate on my naked breasts…and then lick all the extra chocolate off!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Ways To Get Busy Before You Die

Sweet, by the time quite a few of you get this one, my blog will have passed 100,000 views. I have no idea if that is good, bad or somewhere in between, but I thought it was pretty darn impressive given that this is pretty much my personal diary of my sexual adventure and I didn’t expect much.

Anyway, if you’re one of 100,000 views (well, that’s silly to say), thank you for spending a bit of your time here. I sure hope you have enjoyed my ramblings…

On my morning break the other day I was reading a cute little article about the kinds of sex every woman should have before she settles down. I’d like to say it was enlightening, but it was nothing more than the usual fare: break-up sex, vacation sex, public sex … yada yada sex.

Gotta love the “expert” advice the bitter and jaded editors of trashy women’s magazines tend to source.

As I was sharing some of ideas within the article with one of my coworkers, it came to me that a better idea would be to write something about the kinds of sex you should have before you die … well, according to Andee, at least. I’m certain there are a lot women out there who still believe Sex In The City was a documentary.

And so I started to tap into my own sexually distracted mind to come up with some concepts on the variety of ways you should get busy before you die. I’ll be honest that most of this list is built on sex after you are in a committed relationship, but if you can get it while you’re single, more power to you! The idea of getting some of it after marriage just adds to the kink level …

Voyeur Sex

This could also be called exhibitionist sex, but I’m not talking about doing it in public places were you may or may not be caught by innocent passers-by. Surely you accomplished that in high school, or as a “late bloomer” in your college years and hoped that your roommate was asleep.

Voyeur sex is what my husband and I set for when we first dipped our naked toes into the steamy waters of “swinging.” Best described as “watching and being watched,” voyeur sex does not involve climbing on someone else’s husband for a reverse cowgirl ride to paradise. Instead, it involves doing the reverse cowgirl, doggy, what-have-you, while another couple is only inches away; hopefully enjoying the whole show.
BUCKET LIST: 1 / SOCIAL MORES: 0

Sex-Toy Sex … with someone there

Lying in bed at home playing with yourself is an awesome to relieve some stress and bring about sexual relief, but the excitement level is enhanced ten-fold when you open up one of your most intimate moments to someone without fondling distance.

Far too many women believe that their sex toys are best left in the night stand for those moments when the hubby is at work or in Bismark on business. When the flames of passion are barely fluttering like a pilot light on the water heater, one of the easiest – and truly erotic – experiences you can share is the orgasmic show of bringing yourself to the height of toe-curling sexual ecstacy. Add to his thrill by implementing a no-touch rule – or try my favourite and have him slide his fingers into you and rub your g-spot as you cum.
BUCKET LIST: 1 / SOCIAL MORES: 0

Same-Sex Sex

I will be perfectly honest here – because I know a healthy majority of my readers are guys – I am really talking about girl-on-girl same-sex sex. My own personal fetishes don’t revolve around watching two guys in the heat of passion … well, unless I am firmly sandwiched in the middle of them (more on that below).

I know that a vast majority of men enjoy the idea of two women enjoying each other. And after a few years of quietly being curious about why, I had the opportunity to confirm those curiosities. Deliciously worth the experience.
BUCKET LIST: 1 / SOCIAL MORES: 0

Really Kinky Sex

I’m not talking about using a orgasm-approved sex toy or an ice cube, but something really out of the ordinary. And on the flip side, that doesn’t necessarily mean bondage straps and meat hooks either.

Because everyone has a different version of kink (trust me, I’ve learned that rubber clothing and hoods are considered normal in some circles), the idea here is to push the limits of your own comfort zone towards something exceptionally erotic and exhilerating.

In my sexual experience so far, I have dabbled with a variety of relatively kinky things, from a sex swing and light bondage (kinky to some) through to a foursome and uncovering my bisexuality (kinky to others). But, I think I am going to say that this remains something I am in pursuit of.
BUCKET LIST: 0 / SOCIAL MORES: 1

Threesome Sex

Perched high on my personal bucket list, this is something that is a purely selfish sex act … and one that should be added to everyone’s “must do” list. I’m not fussy if your own fantasy is two hot blondes from the Swedish Bikini Volleyball Team, or your spouse and that friend you think would be game, if you are able to wrap your brain around the idea of being the object of two other people’s desire then it is worth exploring.

My personal fantasy involves my husband and another man ravishing my naked body and bringing me to the point of orgasmic exhaustion. But, for the record, it remains a fantasy … for now.
BUCKET LIST: 0 / SOCIAL MORES: 1

Bonus: Dangerous Sex
Hard to define, because like “kinky,” everyone has different perceptions of what is and is not dangerous. And, let’s be clear: dangerous does not equal unsafe. Playing with fire is good when dribbling candle wax on your nipples, but putting your health at risk is not what sex should be about.

Truth be told, I’m not even certain of my own territory here. Perhaps something that involves a night of unbridled debauchery at a place like Hedonism?

Anyone have some truly erotic ideas?

Andee     xoxo

 

Fantasies | Do They Mix With Marriage?

I think it’s pretty obvious that my psyche of late has become fixated on the idea of sexual fantasies. Actually, more bluntly, fixated on MY sexual fantasies.

And let’s be honest, it’s not really something that I struggle with. Throughout this whole adventure of mine, fantasies have played a huge role; as has the discovery of new ones and the turning into reality of old ones. I am certainly not balled up in the fetal position in the corner of a darkened room trying to hide from the multitude of sexual images and thoughts that have taken over my imagination.

Far from it. I have embraced the opportunity I seem to have been blessed with in my marriage and regardless of where my fantasies sit in terms of “when” or “if,” each of them have proven to be a very healthy component of my relationship at home.

As I have been allowing one particular one to evolve – and it’s yet to be seen if it will truly become a whole reality – the conversations (and sex) I have been having with my husband have been nothing short of mind-blowing. To physical sense his reactions as I take him through the events of a moment I shared with another man, and to hear myself describe my body’s reaction and the building desire within me at that moment, is an incredibly intimate experience.

And while this sexual heat is burning in our bedroom, I can’t help but wonder how it is we have gotten to the stage. I’ll be honest, sometimes I wonder if our relationship is meant to be this way. I look around at the couples we have surrounded ourselves with as friends and I don’t see the same passion and excitement between them respectively. What seems to stand out most is the obvious lack of affection and physical contact between them.

And I wonder why…

Perhaps it is the expectations of what a “normal” marriage is supposed to be. But if you can’t lust over your partner and best friend as much as you love them, then what is the fuel that keeps the fire burning? Or is marriage meant to be a time when that fire burns down to a bed of embers, with only the occasional flare up of spectacular flames?

What I do know is that if marriage is meant to be that way, then I am happy being out of sync with the expectations.

The messages we see around us – in the movies and television we watch, the literature we read – all tends to hint at sexual heat only existing between people in “forbidden” relationships: moments of adulterous passion is some hotel room or on office desks late at night. And never between two people committed to each other. Our society doesn’t seem to embrace the idea that a married couple can turn up the temperature to boiling; rather, the message seems to be that a marriage is wrought with off-schedule libidos, the mundane “Well, it is Tuesday” positioning of the sexual relationship along with overall resentment and boredom.

It’s almost as if women are not supposed to be sexy once they are married and have children.

While the recent events in my sexual adventure – and my whole-hearted desire to explore my lust with my Office Guy – cranked up the flames in my relationship with my husband, they also served to validate me as a woman. There are times when, as I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, that we need to know we are sexual beings as well as wives and mothers. When my Office Guy told me how sexy he thought I was, he stroked my ego far more adeptly than his hands did to my breasts. And not as if that moment was anything short of erotic and wanted.

And that is more of what a fantasy is in my own mind. It’s not the feeling of his hands running along the seam of my panties as he held me from behind and kissed my neck – although that was equally incredible. It was the discovery of being desired all over again.

Andee     xoxo