Expanding Your Sexual Boundaries
The other day I wrote about how to establish boundaries when it comes to sexual exploration. Of course, the answer is pretty simple – communication.
But it doesn’t always mean they don’t bend, flex, expand or contract. Boundaries – or at least what we’re willing to do, or not do – change with experience and maturity. They also change when you decide to step outside your comfort zone and explore something that has lived in the deep recesses of your sexual imagination. Bringing those forward is the first step of testing the boundaries, before making a commitment to actually breaking out of your routine.
If we don’t constantly challenge the notion of what we’re comfortable with, then we become pretty boring people. I can’t imagine a life when things are boiled down to “it’s Tuesday, time to pleasure the hubby for the week.”
Unfortunately, I also know that this is a reality for a lot of couples – including people I know.
Challenging your sexual boundaries doesn’t have to be something dramatic. It can be as simple as trying something new: a location, a position … different day of the week. What it does require – as does everything sexual – is communication.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past 15 years talking and sharing what goes on in my sexual mind. My husband hasn’t always been the primary listener in that; I’ve confided in girlfriends, family and even on here. But the important part of it for me has been the “sharing.” It’s allowed me to wrap my brain around … my brain. It’s allowed me to come to terms with ideas that will forever remain fantasy, and begin the adventure of turning some others into reality.
Taking the leap to push just one boundary out a little further begins with really internalizing what it is you want from the experience. For example, on a simplistic level, if you want to energize your sex life, breaking routine by taking the initiative when it’s unexpected can really change the game. You have to ask yourself how you are going to approach that challenge. Does it mean a big risk? Nothing really exciting comes without risk, of course …
What are you willing to risk? As adults our tolerance for risk decreases; that is what holds us back more than anything else. We shed the fears of childhood, but take on new fears – fear of rejection, humiliation, even harm and injury (whether emotional or physical). We forget how to be vulnerable.
Expanding your sexual boundaries requires you to embrace that vulnerability.