Five Ways To Cheat Without Cheating
Every now and then – usually right in the middle of a steamy sex session – the topic of “infidelity” comes up in conversation in my relationship. On the surface, the timing may seem odd to some, but the reality is my husband and I are able to have very intense conversation that involves extramarital sex. And it’s something we also recognize that we’re fortunate to be open enough to fantasize, share and tease with the idea.
Even though we have managed to put the jealousy and fear away in our marriage, it’s not a topic very many couples (at least ones I know) seem to be willing to navigate with intelligent thought. And that’s to be accepted, frankly. Infidelity is an extremely difficult subject.
If you’re able to strip away the harmful aspect of cheating, there is a sexual element that can be explored. It’s the idea of being desired, the newness of the intimacy, the fear of the risk and the excitement of the unbridled passion. Yes, I know people cheat for many other reasons … I’m stripping it down to the fun part, the basic raw sexual act.
So, what if you want to find the kind of heat my husband and I have been able to find with thoughts, fantasies and erotic conversations about lovers from outside of our vows? Is it possible to enjoy “infidelity” without actually cheating – and without turning to swinging as a solution?
To me, it’s all about the imagination, and the libido-fuelling excitement that can be captured just with the idea. Here’s five ways you can enjoy “infidelity” without actually cheating:
1. Role play – the softer side
I’m not into ‘role play’ like some people – so the softer side of it is where most of my infidelity fantasy falls. I imagine the effort to seduce and attract a man other than my husband would involve looking sexy in those moments between the dress hitting the floor and nudity. Lingerie can help turn you – and your lover – into a whole different person.
2. Role play – hardcore and hot to the core
While I said I’m more of the softcore role play kind of girl, I’m not exactly a virgin to taking it more extreme. And keeping in mind, this is about creating a level of excitement you currently don’t have in your relationship – and as such, I’m not saying you need to invest in an animal costume and writhe about in a fur-pile. But a little imagination around the idea of the seduction can really turn a night steamy: the singles bar pick-up, the naughty office secretary (such as the office supply closet). You get the idea. You don’t need to be an actress or actor – you just need to feel like turning on the desire – and your partner – in a way you may not have done in some time.
3. Real estate – location, location, location
When was the last time you had sex in a really unique location – and I mean ‘really’ unique location. Part of the thrill in cheating comes from the secrecy and the fear of getting caught. There’s some truth behind the “office supply closet” excitement because of the risk involved. Keep it legal, keep it safe – but find a way to regularly have sex anywhere but your bedroom.
4. It’s Monogamy, not Monotony
Routine is a sexual killer; it will deaden a relationship faster than your corn flakes go soft in milk. Having sex because it is Tuesday is a horrible idea. Getting it from behind while sprawled over his motorcycle parked in the garage while the kids are inside watching a movie … don’t let monotony take hold in your idea of monogamy. Put your best sex toy to use (that would be your imagination) and learn to be unpredictable. Especially on Tuesday.
Sure, it’s easy to toss out the “talk to each other” stand, but let’s be honest it’s never easy to tell your partner your sexual mind sometimes drifts outside of your monogamous marriage. But I can only say I believe it would be far easier to share in a non-judgemental way the thoughts and fantasies that go on inside your mind, as opposed to explaining adultery to a divorce lawyer. Talk to each other; keep an open mind when your partner is the one talking.
And for pity sake, turn off the cell phone; well, unless you’re sexting her.
BONUS TIP: Fair disclosure here, I don’t have to cheat. My marriage is somewhat experimental in that if I felt the need for a little extramarital excitement, I would be able to pursue it with my husband. We have dabbled with swinging – and if you’re a loyal reader, you’ll recall my afternoon rendezvous with a friend from work. Now, I can’t advise you that swinging is the best route to go, but if you’re at a place in your relationship where you’ve had the talk, you’ve shared the fantasy, it may be time to dip your toe in the water. I can say, even the prospect of exploring the lifestyle, and attending a few different clubs before we ever experimented with another couple, brought several months of new found excitement to our marriage alone.
Will these tips help create a sense of “infidelity” in your relationship? That part is up to you, because with all of this, you must keep in mind that a big part of the excitement – a real key to the thrill – happens not between your thighs, but between your ears. You have to get your imagination into the game for it to work – after that, the effort to shake things up puts a few more logs on the fire.
Posted on November 20, 2014, in Adventure, Affairs, Andee, Cheating, Communication, Couples, Fantasies, Foreplay, Lifestyle, Lingerie, Married, Relationships, Role Play, Sex, wife. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.